Is it a bad sign if my boyfriend sent me a list of what he wants his future wife to be but I don’t fit the description?

[Anonymous]

We have been dating for 5 months and everything has been wonderful so far. I love him so much and I see myself marrying him one day. We were having a chat and in the middle of the conversation he sent me a detailed lengthy list of his “perfect” future wife and one of them is that she has to be a believer of God/be religious and I am definitely not a religious person and he knows this. There were are couple of more that didn’t resonate with who I am. I found it odd that he sent me that list. I can’t help but feel he wants me to form into this person that I’m not. Why didn’t he date someone who has everything on his list? I’m feeling a bit insecure now.

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh man, that really sucks that his "perfect wife" list doesn't sound much like you. I can understand why that would make you feel insecure! A few things to think about:

- 5 months is still pretty early, so maybe he jumped the gun sending that list and wasn't thinking about how it could come across to you. Guys can be clueless sometimes.

- On the other hand, it is kinda weird that he knows you're not religious but put that as a main thing. Feels disrespectful to your beliefs.

- You're right - if certain traits are so important to him, he could have found someone more aligned from the start. Sends a mixed message dating you.

- Definitely bring it up with him and be honest about how it made you feel. See how he responds - hopefully remorseful and willing to listen to your concerns.

- His feelings may change as he falls more for your awesome qualities, but don't change who you are for someone else.

- Proceed carefully - if he keeps pressuring you to change rather than accepting you as is, that's not a good sign. Trust your gut!

Try not to panic yet. Have an open talk and see how he responds. Hopefully it was just a clueless moment and not a sign of incompatibility. But don't ignore a red flag if it comes up again!

[Lliam]

To send you a list like that shows that he is a complete moron. That's the fastest way to alienate a potential partner. Is he retarded?
What did he expect, for you to mold yourself to his fantasies?
Does he think the world revolves around him and that women are robots?
Or was it his way of saying that you are not the kind of woman he would marry?

Send him a detailed list of what you want in a future husband. Be sure to include things that he is not.

I'm sorry things didn't work out, but at least he didn't wait for years before revealing his true nature.
You have only been dating for 5 months. And you are young. You don't have to be desperate to settle.
Find someone who adores you just the way you are and doesn't live in a fantasy land. Let him go find a church lady with no thoughts of her own to hand his list to.

[Anonymous]

Religion, marriage and parenthood are three standards that I believe should be uncompromisable when trying to find a partner. Staying with him means sacrificing your core values to accommodate his, and I don’t believe he truly loves you if he's fine with you abandoning values that mean so much just to stay in that relationship and not because you wanted it. 5 months may feel like a long time, but it’s not at all.


If you need to leave because you don’t want to adopt his religion then do it. Yes it’ll be hard but if you’ve ever been through a difficult split then you already know you can get through it.

[Sheriblossom]

Ask yourself honestly, does he really fit the ideal person you want to be with? I feel like many times girls tend to make more exceptions for the guys we like, but they never compromise like we do.

I definitely think it is odd for someone to say that kind of stuff to you while you are already dating. But this is something you need to have a discussion with him about directly. If he's saying reasonable changes that you could actually make (not for him but also for yourself) then that's okay. But for him to be listing off qualities you don't have/ want to be, that is disrespectful.

[Danielle93]

So basically he's already telling you he's never going to marry you unless you fit those list. Why are you focusing too much on his description? Is he even fitting your description, which is accepting you how you are and not trying to change you? I don't think so. Just falling in love isn't enough if he's already telling you there is no future with him, that he'll keep at girlfriend status for as long as he wants to.

[Shelly2002]

What exactly do you love about a man that isn't going to marry you? He doesn't want you as a wife, you guys are just dating and you're still going to stay with him? I hope you have self love, self respect. You shouldn't be changing for anyone that's telling you that you're not wife material.

[Anonymous]

No, he's letting you know he's not the man for you, or you got some 💩 to work on if you want to get married.

I'd look at it as a positive.

[Anonymous]

for you perhaps but it's well within his right to want a religious wife

[Anonymous]

Why do u love them and also vision marrying them

[Anonymous]

Run.