How do I fix being used to having constant access to men when I’m dating them?

[Anonymous]

I’m currently dating a man who very busy and has limited access and I’m feeling conflicted by it as I’m not used to it and there’s no active initiative to allocate time. I’m used to a man cancelling plans just to see me.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, I totally get what you mean! It can feel weird at first to switch it up from guys being super available all the time.

But you gotta learn to adjust your expectations. This dude's schedule is what it is - it ain't about you. And men with purpose usually got a lot on their plate.

Here's my advice: Don't freak out if you don't hear from him for a bit. Keep yourself busy with your friends/hobbies so you're not sitting by your phone 24/7. That'll just stress you out.

When you do get together, really focus on quality time and making the best of every moment. Send him sexy pics the rest of the time so he has something nice to look forward to!

Mostly, try trusting that he likes you even if he can't respond to your texts right away. Busy guys aren't usually playing games. Relax into it and let him pursue you his way.

If you wanna make it work with him long term, go with the flow more. Don't get too obsessed with "access." You'll drive yourself crazy and probably push him away too!

Stay positive, keep your options open and it'll get easier, I promise! Let me know if you need any other advice, kay? Wishing you the best, girl!

[Asker]

This was actually really insightful. Thank you so much.
I do have my own life and hobbies and everything but then our schedules don’t align when I’m free because he’s busy and it’s frustrating to have to wait now that I’m available 😅 but you are right, I’ll adjust my expectations to put myself at ease

[Anonymous]

That's easy. Stop focusing on quantity, focus on quality.

Man or woman we all have our respective life focuses that have to be blended with thpartner they're with. But demands on a person's time should not affect the quality of the time when together.

[Asker]

You are right. I’ll definitely make the of the time we spend together in a more valuable way 🙂‍↕️

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t even say this is a matter of having constant access, you don’t really have access to him period. It doesn’t matter how much he says he wants to date or have a relationship, if he doesn’t know how to juggle his priorities and make time for you then he’s just not a good candidate. You shouldn’t have to talk yourself into both accepting and accommodating his unavailability, get a man who can make time right now.

[Asker]

I don’t think it’s that easy or right to just dump and replace. But him and I are alike and we both share firm boundaries so I have raised the issue with him and he said that he understands and will do his best to make up for it to the best of his ability

[Opinion Owner]

To be clear, I don’t mean quite literally to find a new guy “right now”. I’m basically saying to choose a candidate who already has time to spend with you, mainly because they made sure it was available in the first place before dating. That’s emotional maturity, it’s the right thing to do.

I can’t tell you what to do in your situation but I do know that in this talking phase is when you’re supposed to be most firm about your boundaries if you really mean it. That means If he’s saying he understands and will make you more of a priority within his busy life, then actions need to immediately follow. Otherwise it’s just words, and his actions (not having time) crosses your boundary of having access to who you’re dating. Maybe the time he gives won’t be constant how you’re used to but at least adequate, and this should be the standard If you’re actually firm.

[chilldude33]

Focus on your life more ig and just appreciate the time that you do get to spend together

[Asker]

I do. I have hobbies and still embrace my curiosity about life and experience new things but when I’m done with that and now available and ready for some cuddles and to be with my person, I can’t because he’s busy and it’s so frustrating