How can I stop making the same dating mistakes? Where are the good men at?

Question

KaraMcNulty · Accepted Answer

Honestly; some of the worst dating mistakes that I’ve noticed and even been guilty of is:  being awkward, lack of confidence, rushing into a relationship with someone that they barely even know and falling too fast . I get it; we all want to be appreciated and find love; but forcing it, not taking initiative or acting too fast can cause tension, lead to you being avoided and/or even lead to Abuse later on in your relationship. Chose to be slightly reserved or don’t give everything away so quickly. I’m not saying friend-zone this person or to completely be reserved, you do want to seem interested; but tell there is no harm in telling them you want to take it slow and get to know them. Remember that you don’t need to rush and if someone is forcing you to rush; then it’s probably not wise to remain with this person. This is as much your choice too. You are just as important as the person you like. If the person you like isn’t making you happy or is being abusive; realise your worth and walk away. Many people will put others before themselves, literally abandoning themselves and will treat the person they love or like as though they are royalty. Basically put them on a pedestal. They also fall quickly and then their love for this person becomes too over powering that they keep forgiving them for abuse, that they do not deserve. It’s better to break away from this toxic cycle if it happens. Realise it takes two people to make this work and if you’re sacrificing your happiness to make the other person happy, then you’re not understanding the basics of what makes a good relationship. As they say, it takes two to tango. Accepting bad treatment and/or staying with bad treatment means you have fallen into a trap. Narcissistic behaviours are also wise to watch out for. Narc people want to drain your energy and pull you down so they can feel better about themselves. They also want attention and praise. Failing to do so results in aggressive behaviour towards you and/or they start pushing you away. I’m not sure what kind of hard times you are having, but there are good people out there. Few and far apart, but they definitely exist. It’s also important to look at ourselves and understand what we are doing (be self aware. Don’t mess around on your phone, swear, talk over people when they speak, chew loudly, eat with your mouth open or talk about yourself and not ask about your date/partner. These are called Bad Manners and for some people; that can be a deal breaker. Show you are listening; that you are interested in this person and that you want to be in this persons company. Remember as well, you don’t have to settle for less, you also have a right to leave a date if you are unsatisfied.

ct1243 · Accepted Answer

I don’t believe any exists - been single a long as time because most of the men who approach me have wives , in relationships, and or losers ( jerks)

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Maybe you friendzoned them or didn't even give them a chance to make you happy.
I know a lot of good men. Hard working, with good hearts and they all want to get married and have kids. But girls treat them like shit. They get cheated and abused.
Fuck that. Those whores don't deserve them. Most of them are my best friends.

If you're a woman and over 30, you don't have a right to choose anymore. If a guy comes to you and shows you he cares for you, don't let him go. Other than that, guys your age will want to use you for the "Pump-n-Dump" and go marry a girl 10 years or more younger than you. It's sad, but it's true. There's a Mexican movie called "Treintona, Soltera & Fantástica". It's about women at age 37. The ending is shit because is about "being free and shit", but it's technically what women will face at that age. It's a chick-flick but it's the truth. It's cringy af go check it out.

If you want to start a family and again, you're over 30-35, you don't get to choose.
Get rid of the feminazi mentality or that "the next guy is the one" mindset.
You're gonna hit the wall eventually and will run out of options. That's a fact.
Once you're 40 it's gonna be difficult to have a healthy baby. And then you're gonna say "Well.. I didn't wanted to have a family..." when deep down, you know you've always wanted to have kids, a family and the whole nine yards.

You can try and convince yourself that I'm wrong, but I'm not. That is life. If you don't hold on to someone because of "there might be someone better out there", you may lose the love of you life. Yeah, sometimes there IS someone better, sometimes there isn't. It's your call. But stop saying that shit that guys are all the same when it's you who doesn't know what you want and when you make the same mistake again, somehow, i's our fault. Fuck that, you're not a kid anymore. Be responsible for your actions and face the music. The more thing change, the more they stay the same.

Life goes by in a fucking flash. You don't know what will happen next. I've seen people get cancer at 38 and die at 40. So much for "waiting for the right person". Fuck that. Live life. Get married, have kids and then worry about other stuff.

Anyway. I hope this helps! (:

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Best way to find something Is to stop looking

aWes0MeNeSs · Answer

What mistakes have you made?

The way you avoid repeating the same mistakes is by learning from them. If a new guy gives you red flags that you're familiar with and have had the mistake of ignoring in the past, keep this in mind and tell yourself "remember what has happened the last couple of times I did this?" If you're falling for someone, you might try to tell yourself "yeah, but this is different", "I could convince him to change", or otherwise make excuses for it, but try to stay in reality and look at the facts without emotion clouding your judgment (most likely easier said than done, but definitely possible).

As for good men, they are out there, but it requires a lot of patience to find them, as well as having good standards that you're not willing to lower. Yes, this may exclude options, but were those options you really wanted in the first place? Yes, it may take longer, but would you rather wait to find a good partner or go through a bunch of bad apples first?

hahahmm · Answer

I have a female relative who is a good looker (as in most guys immediately notice her looks). She was constantly in and out of relationships that would last 8 months to 1 year. She complained about how every boyfriend was abusive. Indeed, every guy she introduced to family was a clone of the last boyfriend. Only the names changed. These guys were gang members or wannabe gang members mostly. One worked for government but basically treated her like a hooker.

She has multiple kids by random dudes so that’s not something most goid guys are open to. Still, she decided to try & get a good guy.

The first good guy was successful businessman. Very religious. Lived a clean life. She dumped him after a few dates because he didn’t try to sleep with her.

The next guy was a hardworking career oriented guy. She asked him to take her to a drug party which he took as an insult. He bailed.

See a patten here?

By the way, even having a good guy consider her was like her winning the lottery because a good guy doesn’t really need a woman & he needs one with baggage even less. He’s the prize IF you want a traditional relationship.

My tips for you: be traditional feminine in everything. Cut ties with women who are feminists. Don’t waste time on casual relationships. Thinking you can play with casual while looking for a good guy is like thinking you can eat a mountain of junk food while preparing to compete in the Olympics.

Battooot · Answer

I'l tell you in a nutshell. Where they all are.

They are all in your inbox. The ones you never responded to, the ones that approached you and you never gave them and yourself a chance to even at least meet them once! The ones you let go even though you knew nothing about them. How do you know if one of those 'avg or slightly above avg looking men' is not your dream man?

doesn't attraction come from seeing a man's confidence? The man's charisma? The man's character and personality? How witty and smart he is? How funny he is?

Dont you agree that even if a man looked like a 4/10 below avg looking in pics, but somehow you met him in person and he turned out to be the most confident and charismatic man you ever met... wouldn't he suddenly turn into the hottest person you ever seen? And basically jump from a 4 out of 10 to a 9 or even 10/10 ?

So. Where the good men at? They are the ones you never gave yourself a chance to even meet them once in person. If you have 30 people in your inbox who want to meet you. Chances are, at least one or two of them could be your dream man. But if you never met any of them how will you ever know?

What if your dream man was someone you rejected a long time ago without ever meeting him. And had you met him you would have been happily in love right now. What if he was the ONE? But since you rejected him and didn't give yourself a chance to get to know him you lost the chance for the rest of your life!!

The moral of the story is. Dont trust the system!!

Zealashton · Answer

well lets see,
for years men have been well fully abused like no too morow for decads

and now you ask , where are the good men at lols

ok.
first off
the red pills are like , basicay bad men, that have been hurt by wemon

black pills well, they hate the redpills and are depressed. and just want love, I don't know

but for me, im a good person, i like animals, i have a cat, truthfull, but i won't say unless told..

im a nice guy ok, but there are also fake nice guys
then their are scum begs,
scum begs are simmular to fake nice guys,

a nice person , is just polite, curtius, and has good sense of morals,

i like animals, i have a cat, and had 12 dogs,

they say nice guys finish last, but the second mouse gets the chess.

the saying basically means, to be successfull, you have to be a scum beg and back stab people all you life, if not you will be in last place. and supports cheating too win

second mouse gets the chess means just that, let the fool go first and die, and take his prize.

early bird gets the worm means just like so,

__inkRat · Answer

It look like your no older than 24, so my sugestion is to study or pick a trade job if you dont have education or can't afford one. Drop frat parties and aim for good marks. Maybe pick some social hobbies as dancing (ballroom, salsa, kizomba) and so on. Having hobbies in outdoors as hiking, camping isn't bad.

I dont think good men will chose you if you look like a trouble, or will leave fast for something else. I would say stop dating for a year or two. I dont want to say dont sleep around, quiz its not really that bad, i guess. Its more like choose wisely with whom you sleep around. Like if you give attention to flashy, im bad choice guy, good men won't go near you, at least I wouldn't. Thought Im not really good guy, i would not give much attention to girl if I thing she will be hassle to deal with. You dont need to be submissive just dont let cheep tricks to get you. Maybe it feeling that she won't do anything to stupid.

For me, girl must be fairly independent, educated, resonably fit, she has to know or must be willing to learn how to dance and with eyes/face I find attractive. Not hating motorcycles is huge bonus. So what, only two things you can't really change eyes/face and being fairly independent. Rest I think any girl/woman can achieve. And even the it isn't cutted in stone, so take it with grain of salt.

Honestly it would be a lot simpler to give hints if you would write about yourself, hobbies and interests.

Anonymous · Answer

In my opinion, most of the good men come across as bad men to you people? Why do I say this? Cz I'm a man and I see other men. All the good qualities that you guys think a man can have "hardworking, respectful, nice and sweet, loving and caring, mature" aren't magically the whole of it. Every man grows and learns. So if you think a "nice" man will never yell at you, you're wrong. My father, who is an exemplary man in my opinion, a true gentleman, once yelled at my mother few years back and took out his frustation on the television by smashing it. She was scared but both in my and my mother's opinion, he is a true gentleman. So if you meet a guy who watches porn, talks about women in locker rooms or is a little bit obnoxious sometimes, doesn't mean he is a monster. We're all people trying to grow to be the best versions of ourselves. I think the phrase "nice guy" is just as patriarchal and oppressive for men as the concept of "ladylike" for women. Let them make mistakes and learn and grow and stop using this bulshit phrase.

MCheetah · Answer

Given this question, your gender, and your age, I'd argue you very likely dismissed all of them for being too short, not white, not fit enough, not wealthy enough, not egotistical assholes, and not otherwise genetically perfect. I could be wrong, but statistically, I'm more likely to be right.

Assuming not of this applies to you though, you need to put yourself out there and stop expecting some perfect Prince Charming to come up to you o a white horse and buy you a mansion. Make the first move, be proactive, be open-minded (choose men mostly for their personalities and not how 'perfect' their physical appearance is), and be clear in what you want from a man and how you want him to treat you AS LONG as it's realistic and you would be willing to do the same for him. Don't ever ask for anything you yourself can't provide the female equivalent of.

Samoht_Sirrom1 · Answer

Here's the problem with trying to answer that... If a bad guy says he's a good man you have a 50%:50% chance of picking if he's telling the truth... Same goes for a good guy telling you he's a good man.

So I could say (In my Opinion 100% honestly) that I'm a kind, decent, caring, loving, thoughtful, helpful man who would take care of the person he falls in love with. And you could believe me (risk me being a liar) or you could assume I'm a liar and end up missing out on that type of person.

nathanp97 · Answer

You can try asking the guys out, that way your dating pool isn't just guys who bother to ask you out. Most single guys would be willing to date lots of women they see; however, they normally only bother asking out a few. Some men don't ask women out at all or very rarely.

I'd honestly just ask yourself and even your friends what kind of guy you usually go after, and try basically the exact opposite. I'm not saying you have to date him to marry him, just to see what it's like. You might learn you either like it or certain parts of it that may help you down the line.

It can't really hurt and you seem to be failing miserably enough to ask random people on the internet😂, so why not?

Daniel3035 · Answer

Good men loool here we go they're the guys you just called mistakes what you don't realise is your the mistake not them it's your pickiness I want a man 6ft tall dark handsome oh and he has a white porsche with yellow wheels and led daytime lights. OMG he didn't have the handles in grey I'm dumping him why are there no good men wee wee that fit my impossible standards.

Reesep · Answer

Well, they exist, they are just waiting most of the tims. But as far as dating mistakes go, just do your best to acknowledge what your flaws are and accept them. I know its hard to know what to do somthimes but guys feel that way to, i don't know what the hell to do when im around certain people luckily a lot of people are in the same boat

SunnySri · Answer

Mam loving someone is not a mistake, but if you are worried about the choices you make, then take a step back from dating for a while, think why did you choose them and then when you feel you the reason, you can start again.
There are good and bad guys everywhere you just have to wait and be patient mam, you will find the one you are looking for.
Hope this helps mam.

pleasestopthis · Answer

You're probably going after the same kind of guys over and over, and maybe the good ones are the men you have thought not attractive? I can't know for sure.

SjE78 · Answer

how long do you leave it between each breakup? might be a good place to start...
also what type do you usually get drawn to? and do you get drawn to guys who have similar traits?
these could be something that I would start looking at and maybe try to change...

triff · Answer

Hey they are there but normally seen as a perv cause they are not confident enough to ask but do look Sometimes They are the clown making people laugh as away a getting to know you The boring guy always overlooked as no one bothers to find out anything about them They may not be rich Best looking or a Jack the lad but they are there just look a little harder

hornyafbi69 · Answer

In hibernation so that they don't disappear along with the chivalry did. As soon as women realize chivalry is being nice to women not a way of oppressing them ie: opening a door, asking if you need help carrying something etc. I really don't know how or why that happened but yeah that's where they are well most of them

bluetoblack99 · Answer

Every girl I have ever heard say this usually has a low self esteem and lusts after assholes.

You are in a position where you can say “yes” or “‘no”. And it sounds to me you have a bad habit of saying yes when you should say no and say no when you should say yes.

zagor · Answer

Go to places that aren't obvious singles pick-u[ scenes. Go on group hikes, social events geared to interests you have, meetup groups, etc.

Of course a lot of those types of things are limited or non-existent because of Covid so you may have to wait a while.

Anonymous · Answer

It's hard finding the right person, for all of us. Sometimes it's simply finding that needle in the hay stack. But if there's certain "mistakes" that are constant, then it's just by learning from your mistakes and recognizing "signs" ahead of time if they're there. Often new relationships are exciting and even if we notice "signs", we tend to ignore them or think we can change them. You won't probably. Have to learn not to ignore them.

Prof_Don · Answer

First off, you have to break the archetype of men you usually go for. Can’t be doing the definition of insanity!

Lionman95 · Answer

Well, "good men" as "good women" is a point of view. The good men could be around you. They are just not normally visibles because men and women communicate differently and they bring different desires into a relationship.

msc545 · Answer

All of us "good men" no longer want to risk dating or marriage or children thanks to feminists having weaponized the legal system against men, and the whole #metoo thing. We no longer want the risk. Have fun by yourself.

ItsTheNephilim · Answer

First question: analyze your mistake and work upon it. Only you can prevent them from happening.
Second question: keep looking for men who you find to be 'good'. The right one must be just around the corner.

Avicenna · Answer

Define a good man. The first thing I'd wonder is whether you're being too picky about looks and/or height.

Bram852OOO · Answer

Learn from your mistakes, everyone makes them. But if you learn from them they're not a waste of time. Get to know someone good before you intent on going further.

Nawlins34 · Answer

They are everywhere. Here's a better question:  What are you doing to attract good men?

perfectchaos · Answer

What dating mistakes are you making also good men are out there, you just need to find out where they are.

boggboss · Answer

By working out what the mistakes are and not keep making them also they are out there just gotta find them lol

madprofessor · Answer

The guys who have their shit together, work, have their own place? Your dumb ass put them in the friend zone. Then when you hit about 35, have 3 kids by 4 dad's, you'll want those guys you put in the zone because you now need that stability.

jabberwocky00 · Answer

Lol are you blaming it on the men? Come on, take some responsibility.

Anonymous · Answer

You can't because you're stupid. People are asking you questions to try to help you figure out where you're going wrong and they're flying right over your head.

Old_Golden · Answer

Pretty much sums it up

jasco · Answer

Wow so ladies let me tell you something if you keep making bad chocies with men and finding bad men who just want your cat, then that is a u problem not them

Anonymous · Answer

Therapy and/or deep, honest self-reflection. The common denominator in all of our relationships is us. We can't keep blaming others for our ending up in the same situations with the same kind of people.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

There's no single location where all the "good men" gather. You just have to be perceptive and filter out the dregs.

SexyAshh · Answer

Like attracts like. So you calling all of these men bad reflects a trait from yourself

Quackthulu · Answer

Sometimes you have to sort through a ton of shit to find that one piece of corn.

DeltaCharlieEcho · Answer

To get a good man, you have to be a good woman. Clearly you're doing something wrong and aren't a good woman.

jirwin7979 · Answer

the good men get badly heart broken or friend zoned.. i know from exp... i am one of the good aka nice guys

GreenGold1992 · Answer

everyone makes mistakes, no one has the perfect score record, you just remember to learn from those mistakes.

OddBeMe · Answer

Where you aren’t looking. We all have bubbles we get comfortable in. Step outside yours.

Smirnoff23 · Answer

Go out enjoy yourself be yourself you will find one

Anonymous · Answer

sounds like you probably ignored them in order to date assholes why do you deserve a good man?

McKellar · Answer

Either in your friendzone or the ones you rejected.

es20490446e · Answer

What you talk you attract, because that's where your attention goes to. So start talking positive things about dating and the other gender.

MiraiKuriyama · Answer

Honestly, I feel you. Guys are shit heads that's all you gotta realise mate.

Snakeyes7 · Answer

I would probably avoid bars and frats or something like that. I would imagine that is where they will only want to hook up.

Anonymous · Answer

The good men are the ones that your not attracted too, and don't say looks arnt inporant and personality is what is because in the end that's a load of BS

Nephilim000 · Answer

I'm right here hahaha. Well obviously you need to make a change

dudeinohio · Answer

A lot of good guys out there. Just you got to re-evaluate what you are looking for. You may just be attracted to the wrong type.

Anonymous · Answer

I had them all. Leftovers now. hahaha

Anonymous · Answer

You're not sexually attracted to them. Sorry. But get used to the men you can't manipulate. That's all you'll get as long as you have physical standards.

TheFlak38 · Answer

where are the good men at? they stay away from useless women like yourself.

TrustOfWorthington · Answer

good men look best when you get to know them. Worst men look best when you first see them

Silverio_Stieger · Answer

😒 first of all, what's a "good man" for you? Honesty, please

Aloneboy13 · Answer

Maybe, you can start trusting more it will help you out a lot.

Anonymous · Answer

They're literally everywhere. You're just going for the fuck boys that look nice.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

the good men are far away from you and your "mistake" making ass. Good luck.

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

You're talking about an endangered species. They're ALL DEEEADD

Twalli · Answer

Most good men are already taken because women don't want to let them go.

How can I stop making the same dating mistakes? Where are the good men at?

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