I am wondering why I keep picking the wrong men?

Question

Honestly I don’t think I am the problem, I talked to a dating coach, she listened and she said I keep picking dipsh! ts, men who don’t want relationships, they just casual. She said I didn’t need a dating coach because I already know what I want.. I want marriage and a family. The whole being nonchalant is a way to protect myself. Honestly, I rather be friends with a man first, taking things slow. I don’t have a problem finding dates…it’s finding the right person for me. I am really starting to feel like there is no right person. A lot of men near me don’t even know what they want.

bobalife · Accepted Answer

Mood. This is why I don’t like going on dates with just anyone to not waste our time and energy unless I have a good feeling they might be a good potential. But don’t fall for “potential” alone. A lot of people are blaming you, but it’s complex - all you can do is take your time to truly get to know someone and trust your gut feeling if something’s off. It’s not always easy when there’s a lot of wrong folks who’s good at deceiving nor ready for relationships… I don’t believe that’s anyone’s fault on the receiving end, but the other person. What you can control is what you do and be selective on who you wanna invest in.

It’s good you know what you want, but also consider thinking about what do you need.. why didn’t things work out with exes or previous guys you were talking/seeing.. or was there anything you can improve on? Be open to opportunities all around you rather it’s on apps or in-person. Too many negative mindsets on GAG, but I believe love can happen anywhere. I know people who found love & happy marriages on BOTH dating apps/social media/in-person :) Hopefully this brings in new insights~

DishLady · Accepted Answer

(1) You're going to places where * low quality * folks go and are not looking in places where you'd find * high value* men.

(2) You can possibly ask a trusted friend (especially if he/she is married) to suggest one or two of their other close friends who might be good choices for you. (Whether or not you GO with that suggestion is up to you, but then at least you have an idea of the type of person who is more seriously oriented.)

(3) Volunteer or join a reading group, take a class... don't just go pub crawling for Mr Right bc 9/10 times he's probably not the guy sitting alone sucking down beers.

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

It sounds like you've had some bad luck with guys so far. Dating can be really tough figuring out who actually wants the same things as you. I think taking it slow like you said and being friends first is smart - that way you can really get to know them better before getting serious. Not all guys our age know what they want yet.

Some things that might help - look for clues that a guy is actually interested in more than just hookups, like if he introduces you to his friends or family. Ask questions about his past and future goals to see if they match up with yours. And don't be afraid to speak up about what you're looking for too so there's no confusion.

It's probably also good to take some time being single instead of rushing into a new relationship. The right person is out there, but it could still take time to find them. Don't lose hope - just focus on enjoying life and doing your own thing for now. Hopefully soon you'll meet someone who really appreciates you for who you are. Just stay true to yourself!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Honestly just take your time vetting them. Don't fully commit unless you've been dating for at least three months.

Do you have any good men in your life? Friend, brother, uncle, father? Use them as an example for how potential partners should behave.

ManOnFire · Answer

But you keep picking them, so how are you NOT at fault? What is making you pick them? That's what you're not being honest with yourself about, and then saying you don't think you're the problem. Like you're trying to avoid personal accountability for your choices.

DannyUk2017 · Answer

Looking at "your answers" to other members, i can see that actually you really "have some problems"...
1st-Dating Coach... why would you need such a service? Don't you know what you want in life? (You do) Don't you know how? (You do)
Don't you know when? (You don't).
2nd You "jump too fast" in to someone (even you saying that you like to take it slow), well then maybe You should keep the "White Men" at Arm's lenght first... and if they stay there for a while, then that might worth a shot.
3rd Going to "caramel boys/men" sounds like Desperation... All men that ARE NOT SERIOUS are "too sweet" in the beginning, and that throws you in a out of controll spiral situation... Just take it slow, don't raise your standards too high, and patience..
(Even the world haven't been built in 3 days)... and you'll see all these will pay off, when you least expect.

lightbulb27 · Answer

I found that you are the chooser and thus, you are choosing the wrong people. The choosing is coming from your sub conscious mind, programmed in childhood and by ancestors. If you are attracted to people you don't like, then you need to work on yourself and/or choose people that don't "feel" as good, but have the qualities you want and you choose to honor and value them.

There does seem more "boy men" these days, so pickings may be fewer. Ultimately, you have to be able to define rules and boundaries for yourself and hold them.

I know women that are finding men and getting married, at your age. It's not impossible.

Peter_Penetrator · Answer

Learn how to shit test us. If we handle it confidently, and with emotional maturity, you have found the right one. Just Google shit test. There are plenty of examples. Don’t be afraid that the right guy will be scared off. Because if he runs for the hills or gets defensive, then he failed your shit test. Which is best for you. Move on, keep looking, don’t give up and learn from each interaction. Remember this, if he fails your test, YOU are not the one at fault. More women need to use this tactic. If you come off as being a challenge towards him, he may or may not be up for it. If he is up for the challenge, then he is emotionally strong and the two of you can enjoy bantering with each other. What you are looking for in a man is a compassionate alpha male. I stress COMPASSIONATE.

VV3ZZY123 · Answer

That's exactly how I feel too. When I was younger I wanted a relationship so bad, but it never happened. I would go after the attractive girls and they were always so mean to me. Now I'm greatful I didn't because they're liars & cheaters. I'd rather take my time and just be friends first.

emma55 · Answer

As someone who has a similar experiences, the way to find the ideal guy you want, is to get away from guys that you know are not good for you. Sorry to say this but you attract them because you are giving that vibe, I used to too. Is been 6 months since I stopped seeing guys like that & good guys started to appear, so don’t give up. Sometimes they are in plain sight hiding 😶‍🌫️

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

You are partly the problem. After all you decide to pick the wrong guy. You don't have to pick him just because he picks you.

I also take time and prefer to get to know someone better first and I let them know that I am definitely interested.

Lastly l, you need to show them something that others don't have. Qualities that good men value in a partner. You don't have to answer me, but ask yourself what you can offer that other women do not.

Kelley1 · Answer

You choose to date men way out of your league. Since it doesn't require a large investment of their time and money, such men are very considerate because they are willing to give you the pleasure of feeling their body against your. However, they will not marry you because that requires a large investment of their time a money. And, because for marriage they can do much better than choosing oranges from the bottom of the basket. Even if you were beautiful at age 19, since you are far past your prime, you cannot compete with the beautiful young women that the men you want will marry.

If you want marriage and a family, there are lots of older, short, fat, minimum wage men that would love to marry you. You only need to give them a opportunity.

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

Virtued. Now a days in todays society woman are more focus checking about a guys wage income is he good looking instead of paying attention if a men is kind? Is he respectful? Does he have a strong spiritual life? Is he loving? . If answer areyes then he is ok.

jshm2 · Answer

Because the right men don't want you.

You want to go to a 100 bucks a head restaurant, but they turn you back at the door because you aren't dressed right, or look dodgy. That is on you, not them.

Dating apps are designed to keep you paying and and playing. You're not going to get a long term relationship from there. Try eharmony, or a matchmaker.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

Sister, your choices start with you because you make them, so it’s entirely your fault for picking bad men. The coach figured she wasted her time, because you probably aren’t trying to make any necessary changes to get marriage in your life.
You need to be realistic

Booklover_90 · Answer

Hmm. You sound quite prideful. It’s one thing to know what you want and that’s great. However, it’s quite another to say that you’re not at fault at all. None of us are perfect. There’s always room for improvement. If you keep that mindset, you will be single for a lot longer. Therefore, take a break from dating for a while and do some self reflection.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Because most men ARE the wrong men. The chances of anyone picking one is pretty high.

zagor · Answer

"... rather be friends with a man first..."

That is hilarious. I was just talking with a woman who was saying how upset she was that when she broke up her relationship a lot of the men she considered friends all of a sudden expressed interest in dating her. Like "I thought they were friends but they wanted more".

Shows you just can't win with women.

LadyKitty · Answer

I say drop the dating coach they aren't worth it. When you meet a guy, You can take things slow while pursuing and getting to know them!

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

You are the only common thread between all of your partners. You cannot possibly be less than 50% responsible. Since the norm is men chase and women choose, that means you’re likely closer to 66% responsible at least 50% of the time.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

You seem level headed to me, which leads me to the conclusion you are just looking in the wrong places to find the right one for you. Solution? Widen the search!

Rania10 · Answer

I feel you. Men used to go to war and now they wanna be all pretty and chased. You are not the problem. I just recently moved from Qatar to New York and find it so challenging to date a decent guy. This boy made me fall for him, acted like he is interested in me, made me catch feelings for him and then ignored my whole existence! There is no decent guy at this point. Everyone is a professional ghoster. So easy. One day they are head over heels and the next day you don’t exist for them.

whistlingwh0res · Answer

according to my experience women are attention seekers and men are sex seekers. maybe you want attention and that attention comes first and men want sex first and you chase them away end up with guys who pretend giving you an attention. I mean.. they are all the same? you either have to offer them sex or you just have to wait til someone gives you right attention which is not going to happen really. ;(

LazerBean · Answer

She is right, the common denominator and all of those relationships is you. If a guy doesn't know what you want out of a relationship, then obviously you just don't date him.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

If you keep having bad experiences then you need to change your approach of how you are doing things that keeps making you attract and be with the wrong kind of men.

I advice you take things seriously slow with men lest you keep messing up.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

There's probably an attribute that all of these guys have that leads you to liking them.. An attribute or attributes that might lead end making them not great guys after all..

jahaims · Answer

Dating coaches are a scam. You aren't good at reading people if you can't select a good partner. It's possible the guys with the qualities you want aren't interested in you.

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

Figure out what things you are going for. Learn to spot red flags. Don't just ignore things that bother you.

ManInChains · Answer

I don't even bother with women I've been single for so long now I know I'd be more miserable with the right woman as opposed to single

exitseven · Answer

I have met girls that only dated lovers. I never could figure it out. Then the go and marry the bum.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

It's part of being a girl. You ALL do it CONSTANTLY!!

sheikalana · Answer

That's normal honestly. I only met my now Husband at 32 after a lot of trial and error.

Anonymous · Answer

This is the literal description of alpha fks beta bucks scenario. It's an immediate red flag for a good guy.

Staximus · Answer

If you keep picking the wrong men then there's something wrong with the way you pick them. It's pretty simple.

Knightwatch27 · Answer

If you make such crappy choices in getting with "dipshits" then you are too the problem. Learn to associate with better men.

Anonymous · Answer

"Honestly I don’t think I am the problem" Well, you ARE the common denominator here.

dfdfdffffdfdf · Answer

watch this

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Stop chasing Chad Thundercock.

gorydetails · Answer

You are the problem.

scott04sa22 · Answer

I had quite bit of bad luck with woman

I am wondering why I keep picking the wrong men?

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