Are all men so bad at dates?

[Anonymous]

I had a bit of a date and it felt so bland. He’s says he’s interested to take things further with me, but I wouldn’t have any indication if he didn’t tell me.

For example, I kept looking over at him and giving a bit of a smile while we were eating to make it cute, but no sweet looks were exchanged on his part. I didn’t really expect anything else, but at least to be looked at when I look at him. Maybe he just isn’t really interested even though he says he is.

[Ray1980]

Men express things in different ways. Maybe he's a touch man but feels too awkward or insecure to convey that. Maybe he's over analyzing his behavior to the point of paralysis; you do know that when a mans heavily invested emotionally he can clam up? The nervous ones are the ones that care, that's why they care so much about the outcome.

No one teaches men to express themselves emotionally & it's almost always perceived as weakness when we do. I think you need to figure out what you're looking for; is it marriage / provider material or are you looking for the emotional rollercoaster?

[OlderAndWiser]

Why would you take a bad experience with one guy and generate the question "are all men bad at dates?" When you ask that way, it sounds like you have an attitude about men and perhaps THAT was the problem.

[Asker]

Well, do u think most men are good at dates?

[OlderAndWiser]

How would I know abot most men and their dating behavior? I don't date men!

I can tell you that when a woman has a first date with me, it is usually on a Friday evening after work, so I am in a coat and tie. I ask her to met me at a very nice restaurant which is upscale but not pretentious, subdued, and good for conversation. I am attentive and don't monopolize the conversation. I don't rush the date. After dinner, if I am enjoying the date, I ask her if she would like to move from the restaurant into the lounge for an after dinner drink. At the end of the date, I don't try to invite myself to her home for a "nightcap." I simply walk her to her car, hold her hand, and - if it feels right - I give her a simple goodnight kiss.

If that is a good date, then I guess I am a good guy for a first date.

[Fion3il]

That's a very respectable date plan.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Fion3il And that is my intention on a first date: to make a woman know that I am interested AND that I am respectful of her.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

So because he didn't look at you or smile while eating, it was a bad date? People can be shy or get nervous on first dates...

[Asker]

He didn’t seem like the shy type.

[Lurkergao]

men are simple beasts we dont really communicate in eye signals. and if we do we learned it as a second language from getting eye fucked by random women and gay guys at the grocery store. if he said wants to continue and calls you and sets up a date he probably does. if you want to see more expressions from him go do something exciting like sky diving or something (that you are also comfortable doing). during the date you guys probably discussed your hobbies right?

[Asker]

If u like someone, u look at that as much as u can. That is a fact. Doesn’t matter if u’r a guy or girl.

[UniquelyBasic]

Why dont you initiate the conversation instead of smiling awkwardly at him?

[Asker]

I did initiate conversation. That’s not the point.

[UniquelyBasic]

So he just sat there and didn't say anything?

[Asker]

No, he talked and initiated too. But chemistry is built from the things done when not talking. Body language is really important. Otherwise u can be just friends hanging out.

[UniquelyBasic]

What kind of body language do you personally think builds chemistry?

[Asker]

Well, an innocent touch or two, mimicking, etc. But, like I said, I wasn’t even expecting any of that since it was the first time we ever met.

[UniquelyBasic]

Chemistry is also built over time and its only one date. First dates can be very scary and make people very nervous and you expect random guys to instantly start getting touchy with you, they can barely come up with topics to talk about. I think you're worried over nothing and one date with one man isn't representative of All men.

[Asker]

I said I didn’t expect the touching. Ugh. He didn’t seem like the nervous type too.

[UniquelyBasic]

Maybe he wasn't as interested in you as he thought he was during the date.

[Asker]

Yea, probably.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I've heard guys say the very same thing about women, which concludes me to believe it is just a case of dating mismatch.

[curiousminds20]

There's a chance he's intimidated by eye contact and doesn't want to screw things up. Sometimes guys are shy and don't seem interested when they are, they just need a chance to open up ya know

[Asker]

He didn’t seem shy.

[Yourfriend2021]

Some people might be having a bad day, but give him another chance. If it keeps happening then it might tell you something.

[MountAverage]

You're asking if ONE man you've met is representative of ALL men? Are you okay?

[Asker]

I want to know if this is how dates usually go…

[MountAverage]

So you're asking if people usually never have good dates? Um...

[Asker]

Sure

[MountAverage]

And that's a serious question? Have you thought about this for longer than half a second?

[Asker]

It just wasn’t like in the movies. It was boring.

No, I didn’t come up with a whole thesis before asking a GAG question.

[MountAverage]

It's like you can't decide what your own thoughts are about. Why don't you just ask about YOUR ONE date if that's what this is about? Why make it about everyone else? This is your personal experience, nothing more. One guy, nothing more. What does this have anything to do with any other guy?

[Asker]

Well, I can’t ask why he was that way because none of u can read his mind. All I can do is make up my own mind based off of the experiences people here have had.

I feel like you’re taking this too personally for some reason..

[MountAverage]

"Well, I can’t ask why he was that way because none of u can read his mind."
That is very true.

"All I can do is make up my own mind based off of the experiences people here have had."
But that's the thing - that is not what you asked. Your question went a whole different direction than that.

"I feel like you’re taking this too personally for some reason."
Incorrect. This has nothing to do with me. I'm just pointing out things that are unreasonable.

[ImNoOne111]

Come on. We men are terrible at picking up clues. Just go easy on him

[Anonymous]

No.
Female expectations are just retardedly extreme.

[Asker]

It’s extreme to ask for a little cute eye contact? God, imagine having to open doors like in the old days.

[Opinion Owner]

Imagine females not being entitled like the old days.
Expecting both “equality” and chivalry

[Asker]

If I expected chivalry, I would expect him to open the car door, but nope. I was expecting something I was already doing.

[Anonymous]

So you had one date with one guy and you think all guys are like him? Okay

[Anonymous]

Did you meet him on a dating app or website?

[Asker]

Yes, dating app.

[Opinion Owner]

A lot of stories about bland dates and the interest not really being there comes from doing online dating. If you weren't really feeling it then, I think you know it really wasn't there like you wanted it to be. Guys who aren't good at dating are the ones who do online dating. Most of these guys don't have many options so they'd rather continue seeing an option than to have no options at all.

[Asker]

So, how do u suggest I meet guys?

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe bring it up to him if you continue to see him. He either sucks at dating or he's not truly interested.

[Opinion Owner]

In person, but I hear that's hard to do nowadays.

[Asker]

Yea, especially for me. I’m really introverted.

[Opinion Owner]

Do you like being introverted?

[Asker]

I don’t mind it, but I’m also quite shy. I hate being shy.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok I understand. We all have our struggles.
With online dating though... what kind of guy are you looking for?

[scott04sa22]

I never went out on dates with anyone

[Anonymous]

Lol no you just pick bad men

[Anonymous]

Yes.. men suck at dating and sex

[Anonymous]

I know that I am.