Should I reach out to her and apologize or should I leave her alone?

[Anonymous]

*Warning: I know I’m about to get roasted in the comments, hence why I’m anonymous*

I met a woman within my social circle who I was immediately attracted to, but I was in a relationship. I got to know her as a friend and she would tell me about all of the bad luck that she had with dating and how men only wanted to sleep with her and never wanted to get to know her. I told her that I was interested in her (although I never told her about my girlfriend at the time) and we finally slept together then I told her that I wasn’t interested in a relationship with her. She ended things afterwards because she wanted a relationship. Because I liked the sex (and my then girlfriend was always busy with school) I reached out to her again and basically strung her along (giving her hope and then backtracking).

Suddenly, she ghosted me and I didn’t know why. I was blocked on everything. I saw her recently almost 2.5 years later. My girlfriend and I have broken up due to us growing apart. I approached her and she seemed to want nothing to do with me. I pulled her aside and asked her why she ghosted me. She eventually lets me have it, telling me about how insensitive and inconsiderate I was, how I would show her photos of women I attracted to, how I never took her out (I mentioned to her that she was just a fuck buddy and I would only take women I would date out on dates), that I messed with her head and self-esteem, etc. and finally she tells me that she found out that I had a girlfriend. I didn’t realize that she found out. I just assumed that she met someone.

I now feel terrible for how I treated her. Should I apologize?

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, that's a really messed up situation you got yourself into there. I can see why she's so upset with you - you were totally stringing her along and playing with her emotions, even though you knew you had a girlfriend the whole time. That's not cool at all.

Honestly, I wouldn't blame her if she never wants to talk to you again after how you treated her. You really hurt her, messed with her self-esteem, and took advantage of her vulnerability. That's a pretty shitty thing to do, even if you were just thinking with your, you know, other head at the time.

As for whether you should reach out and apologize, I'm honestly not sure. On one hand, it might be the right thing to do to try to make amends and take responsibility for your actions. An sincere apology could potentially help provide her with some closure.

But on the other hand, she's clearly still very hurt and angry, and an apology might just reopen old wounds for her. She might not even want to hear it, and it could end up making things worse.

My advice would be to really think long and hard about it. If you do decide to reach out, make sure your apology is 100% genuine and not just to make yourself feel better. And be prepared for her to still want nothing to do with you - you kinda burned that bridge pretty badly, dude.

Ultimately, you're going to have to live with the consequences of your actions here. All you can do now is try to learn from this experience and be a better, more considerate person going forward. But don't be surprised if she's not interested in forgiving you. You really messed up.

[ClassicDropout]

You should apologize one time and move on. Don't expect forgiveness. Also commenting so y'all know it wasn't me

[LeatherDame]

An apology would be a good idea if you have no need to be forgiven. It’s a kind thing to do as long as you’re not going to be a dick when she’s still mad since an apology doesn’t change that it happened.


You treated that girl like garbage, she deserved better. I’m glad you recognize that and are taking steps to treat people better in the future as that will be a happier path for you and everyone around you.

[BlackRose97]

You should send her a single text message about how sorry you are, and how you were wrong and that you will never bother her again. Let her get her anger out on you if she needs to. You owe her that much, at minimum.

[Asker]

But she blocked me.

[BlackRose97]

Then you have your answer. Leave her alone and let her recover from the mistake she made with you.

[woahhh152]

I haven't read the whole thing. But remember that we live once so if you've done something that you shouldn't then go and apologise