Why am I never seen in a romantic light?

[Anonymous]

Men always seem to want to hook up or be friends with benefits, but don't want to date me.

[ProbablyClueless]

In general, I give the same piece of advice to everyone (men and women) who asks this question. No one has told me this led them astray yet. Hopefully you'll get some benefit from it too. Please let me know if I can provide any further clarity.

When someone says they are in your situation, I have found that at least one (and usually some combination of) the following three things are happening.

1. The person isn't expressing themselves authentically, which prevents other people from actually knowing anything about them. You can't want to date someone you don't know anything about.

2. The person lives their life in a way that prevents them from meeting commitment oriented people. And they often aren't attracted to people who are in a place to commit anyway, which sets them up for failure. Maybe their friends are always out clubbing. Maybe they're a workaholic. Maybe every person they're attracted to is "just out of reach," like the guy who starts taking dance lessons because he finds the lady teaching at the studio sexually attractive. You have to be your type's type.

3. The person is chasing a feeling or a fantasy that doesn't reflect what real relationships are like. Realistically, being around your spouse SHOULD feel a little bit "boring." It should feel calming, pleasant, serene, familiar and soft; but it should also feel uneventful.

Every single time I've met someone in your shoes, some combination of these things are happening in their lives.

[chilldude33]

You lack personal power and present yourself as not important. That doesn't mean that you should start telling everyone that you're important. You're not even important to yourself. It starts from within. How you genuinely feel about yourself is how people will feel about you.

[itsannalee]

Maybe because you were too easy to get. I understand what you meant, but it’s also maybe because you are pleasure person (personality type where someone feels a strong urge to please others, even at the expense of their own needs) .


So when you give them sex you thought you will get love you need. But actually not, the more you give, the more people will think you are easy to get and will no longer be interested in you.

[Abbycado]

How are we supposed to know? We don't know you and you give no context.

[Asker]

What do you need to know?

[Abbycado]

Well, like how things go when you first start talking to a guy? Where are you meeting them?

[SoJust]

What is the romantic angle for you? We need to know this first.

[Asker]

Wanting to date me or wanting a relationship with me?

[SoJust]

Aren't they both the same? Once you get to know each other very well, you can become lovers or friends, and friendship and lovership are the same concepts.

[Anonymous]

What do you as a woman bring to the table that would make a man see you as someone he could see settling down with?

[slatyb]

Don't see a man until he plans a date.

[Anonymous]

Why buy the cow if the milk is free?

[jahaims]

Your personality

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆