Would you say the new paradigm in dating is men and women approach an ask each other out equally?

[Anonymous]

I was talking to someone today and they told me some of the problem in dating is that some people have not gotten wise to the fact that society is not traditional anymore. That you have a lot of women that will not approach men (presumably because they feel it makes them look desperate but probably more likely they're chicken💩). And men that don't want to approach women unless the given near concrete proof the woman is interested. (Presumably because of the "metoo" movement but like the women more likely because they are chicken💩).

So what say you is this person right. Has there been a paradigm shift in dating where both genders need to approach the person they're interested. Has tradition given way to complete equality?

[Anonymous]

It would seem to me that the main change is that dudes are chicken shit. Women never asked guys out to begin with, so it's not surprising that they still don't today. Hell, half of the whole fucking REASON they don't ask out guys is to immediately screen out all the pussies who are too chicken shit to ask them out to begin with.

If anything has changed, it's that people generally feel like they have more and/or better options than people used to believe in the past. And that makes them pickier. But once they figure out what their real options are, they'll adjust.

[Avicenna]

I don’t think it’s happening equally-yet

[Asker]

Well that was the point that they were making though. That the ones that were not doing this equally were the ones that were struggling.
So you're saying you don't think there's been a dating paradigm shift?

[Avicenna]

People do seem more reluctant to approach; however, when I was young, you had to, so it’s never been an issue for me.

[ShellyB]

I think the only way this will ever happen equally is if guys stop approaching women, which I think has prob. happened a little. If guys were to completely stop approaching women, we will be extinct in 100 years lol.

[Abbycado]

That has not not been my experience at school. When I met my boyfriend at a party, I went up to him.

He was, admittedly, giving me a pretty obvious stare. I’ve seen guys go up to girls all the same. I see both.

[Asker]

So you're agreeing?

[Abbycado]

That they are approaching (or not for that matter) equally? Then yes.

[Anonymous]

Nope, it's not happening on any scale at all. Women say online that they approach men, but they don't in real life. Why? Because they don't have to.

[777GgG]

I approached my current partner.

[Opinion Owner]

@777GgG Good for you so being one of the exceptions.

[777GgG]

It's more common than you might think. One reason could be that you're surrounding yourself with women who etiher don't know what they want or are scared to go after it. I was the later but I met partner and knew it would be beyond stupid if didn't at least try. He's kinda shy towards me and apparently found me intimidating 😬😬

[Opinion Owner]

@777GgG No, it's not. It's very uncommon. And I don't just say that based on my own personal experience. The vast majority of men will tell you the same thing.

Again, I admire you for being one of the exceptions, but you are an exception.

[777GgG]

I'll have to disagree. I know plenty of women who pursued their men. A friend of mine just got engaged to the man she lassoed. I'd be interested in seeing stats or even a poll.

[Opinion Owner]

@777GgG You're a good example of this --> "Women say online that they approach men, but they don't in real life."

Here's part of the problem. When a woman says she "pursues" a man, what she usually means is she drops hints that essentially mean nothing to men. Men don't read minds. When men pursue a woman, they take action. They ask her out, or ask for her number. When a man is interested in a woman, there is no doubt of what his intentions are.

When a woman "pursues" a man, she drops hints. She smiles. But here's the problem. Half of women complain that men don't pick up on their hints (aka, "obvious signs"), and the other half complain that they can't just be friendly with a guy without him thinking she's flirting. And the reality is, they are often the same women.

It's a no-win situation for men. And no, it's not "pursuing". It's expecting men to read your minds. We can't and never will.

[777GgG]

When I said that I pursued him I mean it. After we hung out in a group setting I asked for his number (without being sure he was interested). I asked him out on our first date. I was very clear in what I wanted from him (and still try to be). So, no mind reading necessary.

I will say in my experience when a woman pursues a man they way that I pursued mine it doesn't always go as planned. Some mean don't like to be pursued. They want to chase and secure rather than a woman saying "here I am!" I've been on dates with men who take issue with me being forward it what I want. "I'd like to grab dinner with you." "Oh you're into 'XandY' maybe we can do 'Z' sometime?"

[777GgG]

Like I said it could be the women you're surrounding yourself with. But it could also be the women who would pursuse you have been told that men don't like to be pursued. So we're getting contradictory information. And for some women that puts them in the same no-win situation... Trying to read their mind "can I pursue them or would they rather pursue me."

[Opinion Owner]

@777GgG First of all, I don't doubt you pursued your boyfriend. It certainly happens. Just not nearly as often as women claim on the internet. And that is not based only on my personal experiences or the women I'm surrounding yourself with. It's based on my observations plus those of countless other men I've talked with and watched their scenarios play out.

The whole "some men don't like to be approached and prefer to do the pursuing" is mostly an idea created by and perpetuated by women. Are their some guys who will be put off by a woman pursuing them? Sure, and they represent about 1.5% of men. For the rest of us, if a woman pursues us AND we find her attractive, we're not going to say "well she's attractive and interesting, but I won't date her because she pursued me". That just doesn't happen, and it does a disservice to women (and men) when that myth is perpetuated.

What DOES happen is a woman will pursue a man and she won't be his type or he doesn't find her attractive. So when you say "it doesn't always go as planned", well the same is true for men. But men can't say "well that didn't go as planned... she must not like men to pursue her". We know not every woman we approach is going to be interested. That's just a fact of human attraction.

"But it could also be the women who would pursue you have been told that men don't like to be pursued" <---Exactly. That is a myth, and you yourself have said some things to perpetuate it right here.