Do you think it’s important to challenge typical gender roles in dating?

Question

Gender roles are those expectations held by members of a given regarding how their genders should act, speak, dress, and so on. Examples include:

1. Men are expected to ask a woman out while women are expected to wait to be asked out.

2. Men are expected to plan the date, including the venue and time while women are not expected to. Women’s input to date planning is reduced to accepting and advising on the date plan.

3. Men are expected to take control during sex while women are expected to lose control to the man.

4. If you’re short or skinny and happen to be a man, your male appeal to a woman reduces.

5. If you’re flat-chested or have a flat bum and happen to be a woman, your female appeal to a man reduces.

6. The man is expected to keep the relationship exciting by taking her out while the woman is not expected to take a man out.

7. If you are a straight guy and groom yourself to near polished perfection, which may include wearing female cologne or deodorant, and/or makeup, you are a lesser man, or even mistaken for a gay man.

8. If you’re a straight girl and hardly shave your legs, do manicure, pedicure, and nails polishing, you’re a lesser woman.

10. If a woman has slept with more than 20 guys she is less than a girlfriend or marriage material, but if a man did it he is not looked down as much as the woman.

11. If you’re broke and happen to be a man, your social standing and appeal to the woman is reduced while if you’re a woman and broke, the effect on your social standing and appeal to the man is not reduced by the same measure.

12. Women are not expected to be sexually forthcoming while men are expected to be.

13. Women are not expected to foot the bill on a date while men are expected to foot the bill.

A-man-22 · Accepted Answer

If you want modern treatment expect modern treatment back.

If you want traditional treatment, expect traditional treatment back.

On the points you made.
1 and 2 needs to go.
3 ,4 and 5 are a preference thing that can stay
6 needs to go both sides need to be treated occasionally.
7,8 are preference
9 is missing
10 just isn't true, women also dislike guys who sleep around too much
11,12 and 13 all need to go.
If you want specific details on why I think this way just ask, it's a bit long to put in one comment.

ShadowofRegret · Accepted Answer

I think people should just do what they want and not really pay any attention to how society tells them to be, if a man or woman wants to do things that are not considered to be in their role, why does it matter what outsiders think so long as the couple is happy?

I honestly want a woman who completely ignores gender roles and does what she wants, for example, if she wants to initiate everything, she does, and she could not care less if it is in her "gender role" or not.

SamtheDnDgirl · Accepted Answer

The social standards are fucked up and based on, in my view, an archaic system where men have to be providers for everyone and that just can't work in today's economic system. Dating really should just be two consenting people, generally adults, seeing if they are compatible as friends or more. Nothing expected to happen unless both sides want it.

MzAsh · Accepted Answer

Quite a few of these are built on double standards. I like to defy most of them.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Gender roles have developed over hundreds of years and the collective wisdom of the ages should be discarded lightly. There is a range of behaviors included in the label of "traditional gender roles," and I embrace those practices that do not reflect any condescension, lack of respect, or inequality in a relationship.

Some_Goof · Answer

Some of them should change like paying and planning for dates and financial supporting the family, etc.  But some of them should stay the same.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

I think we should go one further, and challenge the presumption that any of us can even accurately define "typical gender roles" to begin with.

What most people mean when they use the term is: "our retrospective perception of how Western society told men and women to act circa 1800s--1950s".

It's human nature to reduce complex subjects down to a single, emotionally powerful image. So if some gender studies undergrad who wants to "take down the patriarchy" thinks of "typical gender roles", they'll likely regress to that singular image. Maybe they picture a coy, submissive housewife cleaning and cooking for their workaday husband while ignoring the lipstick on his white collar shirt after the office Christmas party.

But such stereotypes are only that: stereotypes.

This is the problem: people want to "challenge" things they haven't taken the time to understand.

To put in bigger context, humanity's genetic lineage goes back hundreds of thousands of years (BILLIONS of years if you count all the species that homo sapiens first evolved from). You really think "typical gender roles" just emerged fully formed from the cosmic soup that is our Earthly existence? You really think that our generation is uniquely "woke" about gender roles in such a way that all our combined ancestry FAILED to figure out? You really think this question hasn't been tussled with throughout humanity's stumbling, bumbling journey through the chaos of life?

That said, it's pretty self evident from spending enough time with either men or women... that certain proclivities are more commonly found in men, and others more in women. We might group those proclivities together under the banners of "masculine" and "feminine".

Some are enforced by culture, others enforce themselves UPON culture, and some operate in relative solitude, sculpted and refined through individual pursuit REGARDLESS of cultural influences.

Some even arise IN SPITE OF culture, or as a reaction against it (eg: the tendency for male aggression to rise when boys are raised in matriarchal feminist households).

Now as to the matter of DATING... I would say that MOST men will have more luck playing up their MASCULINE qualities... and women playing up their FEMININE qualities.

You can, of course, argue over which qualities are naturally ingrained and which are culturally manufactured. But most attempts at social engineering fail. The individual will-- in the absence of constant and tyrannical societal pressure-- regress to the norm as dictated by their inherent masculine or feminine (or "mixed") proclivities.

We should spend time getting in touch with those proclivities, understanding them, playing with them, "making love" to them... BEFORE we go throwing out the baby with the bathwater in the name of being "progressive" and "non-gender-normative" or whatever the twitter edgelords are calling it these days.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm kinda sick of people not realising how many relationships actuallyy DON'T represent what single people think they are ALL like, so I'll just list which one of these don't apply to my relationship: (just as an example/proof)

1. I asked out my boyfriend. He only asked me out afterwards.
2. Nope, I co-plan, most good couples plan together.
3. Nope, this just depends whether you're a Dom or a Sub. And no woman is told they have to lose control to a man unless the guy feels he's entitled (in which case, why date him?)
4. My boyfriend is shorter. Also, I think if you look up on Google women's body preference, the majority do not want beefed up men, it grosses them out. They want toned or skinny more than really ripped.
5. I have conversations with guys about this a lot, men are a large variety. Some like small and can hold it in a hand, some like large. I'm not really small, but I definitely ain't large, I'm really slim though, and my boyfriend loves it for whatever reason.
6. noooOooOOooo😂 Talk to long years couples, who talks this way when you know your partner for so long and comfortable with them?
7. Okay... but why wear female cologne? You have men's cologne. This is a "problem" I've never heard of for straight males anyway. But yes, that certainly is something men aren't going to be applauded for, I agree.
8. Also something that will not be applauded for, agree.
(You skipped number 9)
10. Ehhh. Men and women who would be considered less desirable for this, and others who wouldn't care; cause they might just end up together.
11. Disagree, my boyfriend was really struggling with money when I met him. Didn't care. Bought him meals. Still dated him after. And vice-versa when the tables turned.
12. ... Now this is some bullshit😂
13. True. However, you'll find there's many women now who DO want to split the bill. Just date them.

This all comes down to individuality. There's too many different people now as we are in an era of change. To say all men are this way or most women are that way is incorrect, simply because you have the option of choosing someone who isn't that unfavorable way. You have people who don't conform to old or ending traditional roles.
You can all do it, I believe in you :)

MusicMayhem · Answer

I'm all for equality in dating as I think It would improve it for everyone. Guys would be less desperate and act weird approaching as they know women would approach sometimes. So guys wouldn't be so dependent on things working out with the one girl they have the balls to approach once every 6 months. And girls would feel safer with less nervous guys acting weird trying to impress.

All this said I don't have to worry about gender roles as I've been single my whole life and am very independent. I cook and clean for myself as I don't trust others to do it properly.

AlienParasite · Answer

The thing is to learn not to give too much importance to standards and always doubt about every rule, and specially not spoken rules.

I believe veryone should engage in relationship that match with them, regardless if that's following the current standard, the opposite o the current standard, something in the middle or whatever. Nobody should tell anyone that their relationship way to work is wrong because it's not standard or because it's standard. Each person is different, work different and have different necessities.

So, each individual should live according to who they are, not caring about what's the standard, and if standard keeps the same or changes it shouldn't matter, as long as they are free to keep pursuing their own standard.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Certain traditional gender roles make no damn sense beginning men are expected to pay for the date.

Why should the man be expected to buy a woman a free meal when the woman isn't even with the man romantically?

The trash gender role of a woman being a housewife only. Pure stupidity that needs to be get rid of. Mostly all women worked in ancient days and took well care of the household too. Many women today work full time jobs and are amazing wives and mothers to their kids after coming home from work.

I agree that #10 and #12 is another stupid traditional trash and double unfair standard.

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

First and foremost you would have to prove that these gender roles where not inherent, which they are (some aspects may be more exaggerated or suppressed by the society but their primary and most basic aspects are biological in nature). Then you would have to prove that they are some how harmful and thus would require them being "challenged" however all data shows that both men and women are happier in traditional relationships and gender roles (which explains why they are traditional). So no, I think its not only not important, but rather ignorant to do so. The people who do so don't bother trying to understand why we do them in the first place and only seek to remove them because they have been told to do so.

Wishfire17 · Answer

There's a reason men are better at hunting than women are. Most of the things that are gender based are also based on science. Men grow muscle easier than women. Men have more testosterone. Women are the only ones able to have babies. Gender stereotypes are there because of science.

yeneiri · Answer

Actually it's not necessarily to be like this 😂😂 but in reality, it really happens in majority..😂😂 i don't let my partner pay all our bills together..😆 we always support each other before and care to each other's appearance too so we always tell each other what we like and don't like to each other's appearance..😆😆

Syrian_survivor · Answer

Why exactly is it important?

It's only important if you're with the wrong partner, that's pretty much it, there's no reason to challenge those roles otherwise because they've worked for thousands of years and have made the best societies possible until this day.
Breaking the equilibrium only threatens society's structure and that's what we see today, it's obvious and you can't really deny reality, the modern world is right there for you to see that it's in chaos in terms of society stability.

I don't see any better way to keep a society going than traditional gender roles, if someone has any specific ideas or "new rules" I'd be more than happy to hear what they've got, though I doubt someone can give me non-stupid answers like "LeT pEoPLe dO wHAt tHeY wAnT"

VK1997 · Answer

I dont ever expect the guy to plan or pay for our date. If anything I'll pay for myself unless they insist. I think a lot of people have deal breakers regarding physical aspects. I prefer the guy to be at least a couple inches taller than me just because its uncomfortable for me but other than that it depends on the personality and chmlemistry. I don't think there should be gender roles but both people just doing their part and being comfortable with that.

GraveDoll · Answer

Everyone different and all this is base on where they are from, and beliefs, SO much to factor in.

I am a bit more on the traditional side only because I come fro a two-parent home and it flowed in a traditional sense that I got to witness. But my mother worked and it always had a good balance between the two of them.

Ellie-V · Answer

In general, no it’s not that important. If that’s not what you’re into, just live your life.
But I don’t think anyone should be going out of their way to spite every stereotypical gender role norm just because they don’t like it.

For the most part, I kind of hate gender roles myself but I’m not going everywhere bitching about it. I do me and if you don’t like it, you can suck my clit 😚💕

mattdzz · Answer

Why would this be an important aspect of dating someone? I thought it was to get to know the person, and see how your strengths/ weaknesses can come together to make you stronger as a couple, not try to follow the Politically Correct BS line of gender being a social construct.
Then you're just faking it, and robbing yourself of what may work really well along traditional lines.

JSmuve · Answer

Based on your list, it begs the question of what exactly women's gender roles are. All you listed were shit that men have to do.

That being said, I'm not attracted to a woman playing a gender role. I'm attracted to her possessing specific qualities.

Shutupman · Answer

I started talking to my partner and even asked him out. I organized our first dates etc.
Traditional gender roles are useless to me, I’m no traditional women yet I’ve had plenty of men lignin up so I’d say in my experience most men don’t care.

MecheD · Answer

Neither way is wrong at all... so many relationships with the wrong people occur because of this , so many people feel uncomfortable with who they are based off of this. Fact is I’m saying be you and don’t let an ancient way of living dictate your life.

GuidoThePizzaMaker · Answer

Not at all, I like fulfilling my role as a provider, protector, builder, and problem solver
I dont mind paying for dinner and driving my girl around

Also most women love fulfilling their role IF, the man is fulfilling his. Seriously, most women enjoy baking and cooking, especially if the man helps.
Not only that, but most women want kids with a man like this.

SirRexington · Answer

Do I think it's important? No. I think it is what it is. Whatever roles develop were already ingrained in each individual involved in the first place. It's best not to think about it too much.

We should not force any role onto one another if it is not the natural state of that person's being. Let the individuals involved make those decisions for themselves. Whatever they end up being will be. Simple as that.

Do you think it’s important to challenge typical gender roles in dating?

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