Should I dump him?

[Anonymous]

I (32F) have been with my long distance (2hr drive) boyfriend (37M) officially for almost 18 months. He had a bad childhood when his parents split up that he blames a lot of his issues on and tries to use it as an excuse. After 3 months he ghosted me for about 4 weeks. I had started to move on and then he came back and begged me to give it another go. After a few weeks I said yes. Things were going great. Trips away together, dinners once a week when we met halfway, attending sport events etc. Then 4 months ago he changed. He also changed jobs at that stage. He started cancelling dates last minute because he was hungover or tired after a night shift but then went out with friends. I took a step back but still the same now. He didn't even want to meet at Christmas or exchange gifts. He says he is always working and at one point when I showed concern he said I was annoying and it was a burden to answer my texts when I texted once a day. 2 weeks ago he texted wanting to have sex and i had to cancel because I developed the shingles. He didn't even ask how I was only said that he would go to the pub instead. Anytime I say anything he makes me out to be the issue. Even today I said It was almost 4 months since I saw him and he just said "ya it's been a while". Any advice?

Updates

1 y

Also hasn't introduced me to his family or friends as he finds it awkward and doesn't want to meet mine either

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1 y

He hasn't had sex with me either. Everytime we share a bed he gets drunk and passes out or seems not interested

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1 y

Update. He dumped me by text saying he had lost interest, me wanting to communicate every hour of waking day (untrue) wasn't my fault and to not reply to his message as he wouldn't be replying.

Updates

1 y

He has told me he is an alcoholic and called it off to protect me. He has hid it for months from his family by staying in hotels drinking vodka. He hasn't told anybody else. What do I do?

[ohsheeT]

You know when he's a teen or preteen he can maybe get away with using that as an excuse he does what he does because of his parents breaking up

I was 5 years old when I found out my dad was not my dad I was 10 years old when my mom got a divorce for the second time and I was 12 years old when my mom got remarried I was 16 and a half when I left the house

I mean I could look back and have all kinds of issues if I wanted to but there comes a point in life where you have to let your parents go anyway and you start your own journey your own way you can't blame anybody for anything in life we're born we're all giving a gift that gift is choice we get to choose who we want to be by the things we do and say it doesn't matter what happens when we were kid you have to accept it acknowledge it let it go and you start your own life when you're 18 anyway

And then you add all the other stuff that he's done it's just an excuse he's not being real with you never has been real with you and if I was you I would walk away I mean I wouldn't it's all b******* and just because I think that doesn't mean it's true but a guy that really truly likes you he's not going to have an excuse for anything he's going to follow through and he's going to show you how much he likes you this guy's not showing you anything and I can't tell you what to do and I wouldn't tell you what to do but you do know what to do that's the reason why you're asking this question and I would follow through if I was you I think you'd be much happier because it's only going to get worse with that guy anyway

[ohsheeT]

The moment you said every time you has got in to bed together and he was drunk I said no way...

Because it only gets worse from there. Everything he would have tried to make love to you . You would have been miserable because it would always be all about him and he I don't think he would know how to please you anyway
I think you just dodged the big bullet

Sorry that you had to go through this. That is probably better now than. Somewhere down the road

[ohsheeT]

Well I can't tell you what to do but when a guy doesn't want to meet the girls' parents. It's either because he has something to hide. Or he doesn't want to look them in the eye because he's afraid they will see the real him I think you can find a my h better guy and I mean if Alco.
Hol is more important than making love to you. That's kind of just too weird, I think.
He should probably be. Showing you who he truly is by making things about you But I think you're just gonna end up with heartache with this guy

[AnonAndrew]

Based on what you told us, at this point I think this thing has pretty much run its course.

Ghosting, neglecting, basically focusing entirely on his own emotional needs and ignoring yours... It's not pretty. And it's been so long now that you kinda have to accept that this isn't just nerves or something, this is who he is.

So the question you need to ask yourself is: if he were to behave like this forever, would I be happy with that? If the answer is yes, then you and him are good. If the answer is no, I think it's time to move on.

[SueShe]

I honestly believe that you are wasting your time and energy with him.

You can be busy with work and still find 5 minutes to prepare a Christmas present. It does not have to be something fancy, just something that says "I though of you, I care for you or I love you". But giving a lame excuse not to give a Christmas present really say a lot about him. I would understand if he is not a Christian.

If he is not willing to make any concessions or finds an excuse for everything that you plan, then your relationship is not going to be successful and not last very long.

Ghosting a friend is also not something a boyfriend would normally do. That is odd and in my opinion, hides something deeper. You are better off giving him the boot. He needs to grow up a little.

[Valdemort]

Welk, he's definitely wasting your time. Whether you wanna stay with someone like that, that's up to you.

[Zack-Bann]

You’re looking for confirmation that the relationship is broken.


It’s broken


But I will point out: a 2 hour drive is not long distance for most people.
I mean sure he’s not your next door neighbor but you can meet up with someone 2 hours away fairly easily if the you or he wanted to.

[Asker]

I have organised dates on 7 occasions and he cancelled each one for various reasons. IlEven this weekend before I asked for him to come to an event he said he was working overtime

[Zack-Bann]

7 occasions!!!

Waw
Personally wouldve given up after 3 max

The guy has someone else for sure

[Shiprex]

Probably yes, he sounds like he needs a program rather than a partner. Sure you can be there to support and encourage but it's not going to be rosy or even worth it.

Your choice but if it's too much then best part ways till he sorts his life out.

[Cormac995]

Dump the fuck out of this POS I think he sees you as a vagina not a person based on this.

[Asker]

He hasn't had sex with me. Gets drunk every time we stay in the same bed

[Cormac995]

then at that point based on the distance, disinterest and the lack of sex he might be cheating on you either way he's still being a complete duche bag.

[LiamJHayden]

If he's 37 and blaming his issues upon his childhood, he lack the maturity to maintain a healthy relationship.

[missindiana93]

Yes you should. Don't waste your time.

[Anonymous]

Yes, immediately.