Do I break up with my boyfriend?

[livi699]

For context he is 24 and i am recently 19 and we met when he was 21 and i was 16. ik with that alone most people would say to dump him and maybe id agree.

We have been dating for 2yrs and it will be 3 September this year. I am very young and smart and just started college and know exactly that I am going into nursing and i do well in my classes and im about to buy myself a brand new car with money i have been saving. Unfortunately Im more sure of myself and future then he is. He works at a dead end job and barely gets any hours and college is not for him. So in turn he has to doordash so much and after months i think I am fed up. I have to split everything like food and gas with him when we eat together or when he drives us to raves. I also pay for our rave tickets but technically his ticket cost gets added to the amount he owes me which is currently 1,526. I’ve helped him pay for bills aswell. I want a boyfriend who can support himself even if he does still live at home and a boyfriend who can at least take us out every now and then and not ask me to half gas money. He’s struggling mentally and depressed and i’m scared he’ll kill him self or put himself in the military if i end our relationship. He’s a very sweet person and i feel like he could be a amazing partner if he wasn’t so stressed out 24/7 with where he is at in life and with lack of money/ direction. His stress also makes him lash out at me sometimes and raise his voice. Am i wrong for wanting a better boyfriend and not being willing to help him get through this? I just want more experiences and to do more things then sit in a car and doordash even him doing 1 order is making me feel upset right now. He was my first love and boyfriend and i’m scared to start over with someone else and to leave someone :( We also have to keep eachother a secret and i am sick of it. i don’t know what i should do? i mean maybe i do but im not sure. i have no friends to ask for help

[ohsheeT]

Damn. Your words I felt everyone of them... and I don't yell. but

Half way through I'm thinking dude what are you doing. Your going to lose a very good person .. and I don't think he will ever find someone like you ever again.. there are so many things I want to say.. but most of them are words to him... dude wake up. Quit stressing and make things work. Your words told me Exactly who you are, what you're all about? How beautiful your heart is

How confident how smart you are , how wise you are and how bad you want to keep growing
And how beautiful you see and feel life.. and all the things you want to feel and learn and experience.
. But you can't because he's holding you back .. in away. He's holding himself back.

And you see and feel this

Your growing and he's not.. there are things I want to say about him.. but I can't do that. I want to shake him and tell him to wake up..

He doesn't have a clue what he has. And now going to lose.

And he's not even going to understand
What it's going to do to you and make you feel when it happens.. and how deep that pain will be. ... and what sucks is there's no way in this world that he can't see or or feel it coming from you for the last past few months.

Any way anyway anyway. . I can not tell you what to do. I mean I could. . But I already know. What you have to do. For you . It's who you are . you have dreams and goal and love and life and you can't be held back.

And the kinda sad part is if he only understood this you have been saying come on come with me catch up hurry up.

And now he's so far back. Your not going to look back anymore your going to keep going your going to take the pain nothing bad on him .. but your strong and no matter what your going to make it.. you will be OK. And he will be OK to

[Anonymous]

Well first of all do you want to be equal as far as genders? If so then you can’t be mad for going halves in a relationship. Second you made that choice to be w him at 16, so it wasn’t just on him. That’s something you need to own. Third, when you say he works at a dead end job, is it really the job you hate? Maybe it’s just you don’t like his title, especially if your friends ask what your man does. Oh he’s a DoorDash driver. For some women that’s truly the case. Some women don’t like telling their friends oh he’s a bus driver or a trash man. Fourth, nothing sayings you have to pay for his rave tickets. You’re enabling it. You could end that whenever you want, but you’re not. If he threatens to leave or breakup so be it. That’s childish. Fifth, you can’t control what he does w his life. I’m not saying fuck him if he kills himself that’s on him, but ultimately he will make the decision. You can’t be held hostage emotionally, you will never be happy. Even if he went in the military what would be wrong w that? It might even be better for him. There’s a lot more to all his problems then what you think. It’s just not w you. He has a lot of unresolved issues that he needs to work out. If you can be honest w yourself that you tried to help as much as you can, then that’s all you can really do. Ultimately it’s up to that person to help theirselves. That’s why I tell my son it should never be his job to make a girl 00% happy. That’s her job. He’s just an added bonus to being more happiness. Because if she’s mad or upset w herself that she dropped out of school or didn’t do whatever, he’s never going to keep her happy. Those are unresolved issues w in her. I can sympathize w being scared to start over w someone new, but imagine in 10 years from now if nothing has changed or he gets worse. Imagine how much scarier that would be. I think you know what you need to do. by the way why do you two have to keep this relationship a secret?

[livi699]

i don’t want to be equal in a relationship and go 50/50 and he knows this. but i am ok being 50/50 while i am still young and i understand things are expensive when you are just starting off in life. but it doesn’t even feel 50/50 or it feels super petty like going half on something that was under 10 or 15. and im not blaming this feeling to want to break up on the age difference i honestly like it and id probably go for the same age gap or even bigger after me and him possibly end things. but he works at a sandwich place and get little to no hours and in turn has to doordash. I don’t like how he can’t make enough money to even support his needs and wants. and how lots of our time together is spent door dashing. But yes i def do enable our raves but it still does add onto the feeling of being upset he can’t even afford his own ticket:( we have to hide eachother because our parents don’t know our real ages and we’re scared it’ll be obvious or me more specifically will mess up and expose the truth somehow.

[livi699]

but oh i just know rn if the most awful time to go into the military combat wise in the US and that’s what he’s thinking about doing or killing himself when he’s dealing w some things. i really care for people in general and i don’t know if i could live with myself if he hurts himself. but i feel like maybe i have tried my best :/

[Opinion Owner]

Well honestly you’re both adults now. Sure shouldn’t have been that way as far as you being a minor while he was an adult. I’ve heard of other relationships similar to yours age wise that worked out. I’m not promoting it either so don’t think that. I’m just saying it’s been a number of years now, both adults, so I wouldn’t even be concerned about hiding it.
I understand how you feel. Chances are he won’t change for quite sometime, maybe not at all. You have to do what’s best for you. Especially if you plan on having a family, you have to look to find someone who wants what you want. Who can sustain a family if you decide to have kids. I don’t think you’re wrong in wanting a better life.

[Opinion Owner]

Even if you think it’s a bad time to go into the military it doesn’t always mean e wry one is goi g to war. There’s hundreds of support jobs. Even if he was in a combat u it, you have to understand a lot of those men chose that because they want to experience it. You may not want to but a lot of men do. I know I did that’s why I chose infantry when I enlisted. If he’s ok w that he’s ok. I get you’ll be concerned about him but the one who should be most comfortable w it should be him, which it sounds like he may be if that’s what he chooses.

[livi699]

oh yea i agree there’s lots of positions he could go into that deal w data and stats etc and yes i do know some men enjoy that but still it’s not a good time. there’s much more i could probably go on for hours but one concerning things I've learned was how trump wants to possibly use his power to bring back the executive order 9066 which essentially will end up in our US military having to go out and detain innocent people for possible internment. Times are the same when you were enlisted. i personally would not want to do combat with so much uncertainty with politics atm

[Opinion Owner]

Well I’m not here to talk about politics. But in all honesty that’s not for you to decide. Especially if you don’t want to be w him you don’t have much of a say. I don’t think there’s ever a good time to join the military. Sure we may have more going on right now, but the big point of a military is to fight if necessary. But again not everyone goes into combat. But even so like I said you have no say in that if you move on.

[livi699]

there is 100% right and wrong times to go into the military and it’s easily identifiable if your actually educated on it ! but yes ik if we do break up what ever he does with himself is out of my hands. It just worries me to know how suicidal he can become if i leave him

[Opinion Owner]

So you’re willing to be held hostage emotionally because he may threaten suicide. Not a healthy relationship at all. That just means you won’t be happy, which means over time he won’t be happy cause he will know you’re not happy.
As for the military, no there isn’t a good time. I’m not too in favor of people jointing the military that’s why. Yes I’m educated on it, served for 20 years. So I think I would know more than you as well as the average citizen who’s never served. I’m not just talking about what you see on tv. There’s a lot you don’t see on tv that still goes on.

[mimikyuu_222]

In my opinion, you should break up with him. First of all because it’s weird that he was interested in you when you were 16 and he was 21. And sure you could’ve made your own decisions at that age, but I still find it weird that he as an adult was interested in a minor. But aside from that, he seems to be dragging you down. He may be sweet to you, and might’ve been the best boyfriend you could’ve asked for in the past, but right now all he’s doing is bringing bad vibes into your life. Bad moods are contagious and you are young, you will find another love even if it may not seem like it for a while. It’s time to move on from your current relationship (no offense) or even just focus on your studies. Because with the way things are going he could very well put you in debt, and you shouldn’t have to worry about his mental state depending on you. Most of all follow your gut instinct, if you’re asking this question is because you know you want out, but aren’t sure if it’s morally correct. He’s too dependent on you and you deserve someone you consider an equal, not your kid. Alas, I’m just a person from the internet so do what you think might be most beneficial to you.

[DishLady]

If you're questioning whether or not to break up you most likely are not 100% committed to this relationship, which means you probably SHOULD break up.

ADDITIONALLY, all this seems so shady that it's a question whether you're actually in a relationship of any kind at all.

[lightbulb27]

Let him go to work on himself. You deserve better to start life. Why you chose him is a discussion w therapist so you inderstand yourself and can improve next time. Maybe you like nice weaker guys. Not all sre depressed. he's down because there is no direction and he's stick. Want to stay is your choice then have to take initiative and work w him to get goals and he will need work

[livi699]

i don’t like weaker guys :( personality wise i don’t think he is but he’s def very behind and lacks any kind of passion or motivation to be something:/ and i want more then a guy with a provider mindset i want one to actually be able to carry that mindset out. i’m getting a little older and im seeing it now. The only thing he has going for himself is how huge he is from the gym and that’s it. i want to leave but I don't know how

[lightbulb27]

may be tricky since he plays the depressed card. Talk to counselor or therapist and chart a course. easiest way is to say, this isn't working go work on yourself. talk to a therapist.
you picked him, said yes to the date, yes to the kiss, etc.. you need to look in the mirror as to what you are attracted to. if you've learned something, that is good. If you repeat the broken record picking another guy that is like this, then start digging into your childhood and finding the wounds/patterns and fixing them.
He should not be washed up at 24... but just getting going. Something went wrong for him, hopefully he can figure it out. sometimes guys like that can be entreprenuers... but without any drive, forget it. he may have to hit the bottom. you keep him, he will live off of you long time. wouldn't shock me if he turned addict and did not appreciate you either. sadly, there's so many man childs out there... failed parenting!

[livi699]

i’m already aware i’m into older guys and why because of lacking a father figure and i’m ok with that and came to terms with how this is probably my preference. but yes i agree i did learn from him and i learned more about what i want and need from a future partner and what i dont want.

[RedThread]

That's weird for a guy to be interested in a 16 year old when he's 21. Just that alone is disqualifying.

[jahaims]

If you have to ask here...

[Anonymous]

Yes, do it.

[livi699]

I don't know how tbh