Guys, What is your ideal body type for a woman?

[Anonymous]

I know it varies a lot from person to person, so don’t feel obligated to answer for anyone other than yourself

[Shiprex]

For me body type is a bit of a misdirection because it's always been about character and personality. However it would tend to be someone who has similar active interests to me and that would tend to push towards athletic though not absolutely

[Asker]

I like this answer! I think men and women both tend to over emphasize the importance of body type. It’s not unusual to have preferences, but for most people I think these are more patterns of attraction than hard requirements to date or hook up. Athletic seems to be a common preference tho

[Shiprex]

Thanks, it's genuinely never been a thing for me though obviously visual attraction gets attention but it's always character and personality that will KEEP the attraction. Hooking up is such a lame lifestyle of immaturity and empty gratification.

[Asker]

I think some people have a high enough sex drive for hookups to make sense, but most people will eventually seek a long term connection after they’ve dealt with that. I’ve always kind of been the same way with this. Like I’m not going to say looks don’t matter, but I think some people don’t understand that you’re gonna have to talk to this person eventually lol 😂. I mean you can’t just look at them forever. I think a lot of women feel this way (at least I do) and I’m glad to hear that some men have this attitude as well

[Shiprex]

I don't wholly agree with that, a high sex drive with the same person who also has a high sex drive is a better lifestyle than one of becoming a fuck toy, that's just gross whether M or F. That it's easy to be one as a woman is true and as a man it's very difficult BUT you need to be a user and could become ABUSER very easily as sex is linked to emotional connection.

The idea of looking at someone forever is kinda funny mind you though it would get a bit weird after a while. If you don't have a personality and can't laugh at yourself then there's not a lot of chance you're going to be a good match for someone else. Being too stuck in your ways is a challenge as you're both gonna grow and become something that's new and different from what and who you were. We change a lot in the years we are here and our experiences also shape us like clay or play-dough. (I prefer the play-dough idea as clay hardens and becomes brittle though play-dough also dries out but as long as you keep playing with it it can stay soft and maleable for longer).

[Asker]

I don’t know if I agree with that. Why is it gross to have sex with multiple people? And I don’t think fwbs are any more likely to abuse you than a domestic partner. If anything they’re more likely to get away with the abuse because they are inherent trusted in a way that a sex friend is not. I’m genuinely curious where some of these beliefs have come from for you, since they do not line up with my lived experience or any data I’ve seen. I personally don’t hook up, but I don’t think telling people not to have sex or shaming them for the sex they already have is an effective way to change their behavior. Please let me know if I’m not understanding your message, as I mean no harm. But at the same time, I think it might be worth examining some of your attitudes about sex and where they might have come from. Please do explain why you feel that way though, as I don’t think I’m fully understanding

lol looking at someone forever sounds a bit like a Greek myth now that you mention it. If I remember correctly that’s basically the story of narcissus 😅 And I like the play dough metaphor a lot. I don’t think any of us are ever truly finished developing unless they decide to stop working on themselves.

[Shiprex]

Abuse emotionally if one gets attached and wants a commitment without the sharing of each other with multiple people. It's been shown that in marriages (which is perhaps no longer a goal for people these days when a hedonistic lifestyle is so available these days) between people who've been promiscuous in their youth are much more likely to end early than those between. people who haven't been promiscuous. It's a behaviour pattern that will become a habit that is difficult to escape just because "vows" are made that are easily broken when one gets bored or wants something different. There is an emotional reaction in people when they have sex that builds a bond between them that if allowed to thrive will lead to greater attachment. Flipping between on and the next doesn't allow that kind of bond to form and the risks of future infidelity increase.
If you are not experiencing those bonds then perhaps the act of sex is fucking and not love making. There is a reason it's called that after all. It's not about shaming as people can choose to do as they please and often do without thought of the consequences of their actions.

We are a work in progress and the actions and events that we experience shape us into the beings we become. The play-dough idea comes from the dough nature of bread that we could explain how having a bun in the oven for pregnancy arose. I took it that bit further because we never become fully baked until we finish.

[Asker]

Okay, that makes a little more sense. Thank you for explaining. If some people are naturally promiscuous from a young age like you describe, then I would rather these people have cheap sex with eachother than have them get into marriages they don’t want and aren’t able to honor. I think marriage is still a priority for many if not most, I just think people take longer to assess their options now rather than running to tie the knot with the first warm body they can find, which seems to be more how people did it in the old days. I’m under no pretenses of hookups being emotionally fulfilling or an adequate substitute for the emotional bond normally associated with sex between a married couple. I just don’t think every single person is able to sustain that kind of a bond, and frankly those people are going to have sex anyways whether we like it or not. I don’t think it’s a great way to achieve long term happiness, but it’s a choice many will make regardless.
I think almost everyone would prefer a long term relationship but I don’t think everyone has the means to carry out that goal. I think we have kind of similar views, we just have very different ways of reaching the same end point. I like knowing that a potential romantic partner is avoiding casual sex by choice, and not because they feel like they have to. I feel like letting people make immature or counterproductive decisions about their sex lives is a good way to weed out people who were never suitable long term partners to begin with. Maybe my approach is a bit cynical, it’s easier than trying to convince random people to change their mind about sex.

[Asker]

One thing to keep in mind: the idea that people who engage in lots of casusl sex will never be suitable long term partners simply isn’t true. My mother had plenty of it for most of her youth (with married men in some cases), but eventually cooled her keys and has been happily married for over 30 years. It’s like you said, people change and rise based on their experiences. I think many people who act in counterproductive ways simply need more time to bake. Let me know what you think. I enjoy hearing your thoughts

Also sorry for an essay lol

[Shiprex]

I sense you have touched on the maturity aspect of what sex should be about. That the emotional bonding is something young people especially don't understand and when it's unfulfilled, the act becomes less rewarding each time and the individual becomes more frustrated so "overdoses" perhaps and goes all out seeking to have that difficult itch scratched. This is why I personally regard promiscuity as unwise.
Casual, hook-up sex isn't the answer when you seek validation as that fleeting validation achieved is just that, here today and gone tomorrow. That a greater focus on learning HOW to commit would be my goal. Learn how to support and enhance as well as compromise (that's become a swear word in modern times especially for women who no longer need men to be provider they turn their focus to other "preferences" that are outside the reach of most men and are seen as unreasonable. Men are literally priced out of the market so the pool of willing and available men shrinks. Men's desires too that women have to have lower body counts shouldn't matter but from what is discussed above there IS a genuine risk attached to that that ISN'T insecurity but a risk of unfulfilled validation being felt.

[Shiprex]

Not a problem with the essay or points, it's interesting to hear your view on things though I am intrigued with the situation of your mother. Lots of partners when young then settled with your father but what was his background and is he aware of her background? Did either "settle" for the other or like you say was he ok with the history and background after she was baked (LOL I have to chuckle at this concept) and was it that she'd had her fun and was settled and ready to commit?

[Asker]

I honestly agree with most of what you said about promiscuity being unwise and unfulfilling. It matches my personal feelings and I think it is the case for most of not many people. I also think more of an empthasis on commitment would be beneficial to society. Where our opinions differ is in our willingness to believe that holding people to more rigid standards will actually prevent people from having risky sex. The behavior may become less common sure, but even the Amish have issues with people having unwise or promiscuous sex (less so than we do but it still happens), and they’re about the most sexually conservative group I can imagine. I don't know how you feel about sex ed, but I’m personally willing to put some extra time and energy into making sure people who do chose to have casual sex don’t completely shoot themselves in the foot. While stds, pregnancy and abuse/assault are not entirely preventable, I want people who engage in risky behavior to at least be aware what they are up again and how to prevent the worst of it. Basically I don’t love that people are trying to solve their problems by having sex with strangers, but I don’t think anyone will be refraining on my account. Hope that makes sense

[Asker]

As for my mother, there are a few factors at play. She had a pretty traumatic childhood and therefore wasn’t really mature enough or psychologically well enough to express her sexuality in a healthy way. She told me ad verbatim she was seeing older men because she was looking for a father figure, which is honestly pretty alarming now that I think of it. Also frankly she grew up in a hippie town in the 70s and no one really saw having lots of sex or having sex with weird middle aged men as a problem. Again, these are risky behaviors that I don’t recommend to anybody. It’s more that she wasn’t educated enough to understand that, and by the sound of it trying to intervene would not have changed her mind about what she was doing. and it’s not like that was the only bad decision my mother made in her early life either. But she had a change of heart on her own once she was able to mature. She went through this period in her late 20s where she realized what she was doing was self destructive and got her life together. This is when she realized she wanted kids and started looking for a husband

And yes, my father probably knows more than I do tbh. He asked about her relationship history at some point in the dating process, and while he was surprised at her lack of normal relationship history, I don’t think he ever held her past against her and I was mostly glad that she made it out in one piece. I don’t always know what my dad is thinking, but he definitely didn't have to marry her, and it seems like they genuinely want to be together even to this day. So yes, people change at their own pace, at least when they are given the time and opportunity to do so. And for what it’s worth I was a highly planned pregnancy. I was born two years after the wedding, and my mom was pretty torn up about waiting even that long. Lmk what you think

[Shiprex]

Thank you for your frank personal history of your family. Your "highly planned" existence is very touching for some reason in me as it makes me realise you are a genuine child of love (the term lovechild has too many negative connotations so I wouldn't use that because to me it's a wonderful thought that you were CREATED with INTENT I don't have emojis for this unfortunately lol )
Your parents sound just a little over my age and that I am from a largely working class city upbringing where my parents were conventional met in their 20s' and father was early 30s but neither had had a whole lot of experience (it was the 60s Scotland) so it was generally expected that women (who all worked even my grandparents and great aunts all had full time jobs but took time out when kids came along and were supported by husbands) were following traditional WORKING class roles in society where the wider community, grandparents, aunties, neighbours etc. would all chip in to help raise children.

I will return here later to finish because I am about to go out, I find our interchange here very cheering thank you

[Shiprex]

The notion of the hippie lifestyle at the time I suppose conjures up a kind of under the influence getting out of your mind lifestyle that would be challenging to me. I don't think it would be a lifestyle I would easily engage in. I think I grew up in a conventional village (even though it was a city) raising the children in working class conditions of lots of close knit family groups and people living in each others lives supporting each other. It's a lifestyle that I don't think is very common now thanks to the Thatcher and neoliberal governance that broke the soul of humanity and made everyone become very self centred. Although my extended family sort of have this with each other it's nowhere near as wide as I think it was back in my younger days.

[Asker]

Thank you for this kind and thoughtful response. This thread is getting pretty long, so lmk if you would like to talk more via private message

[Shiprex]

You're welcome.

Thanks for the offer it's very interesting to discover others life stories and how they vary from my own. Having experienced a lot of life so far it's fascinating to hear how others have developed through experiences and been shaped by things.
I'll let you make the PM move since it's your thread and I'm just filling it up with my pov.

[SteveSmith1985]

I like a slim to average body type. Small butt. Boobs I love any size (if you're going to make me choose, slightly smaller than average boobs)

[YourExLover69]

I think almost everyone would prefer a long term relationship but I don’t think everyone has the means to carry out that goal.

If we have few common things, your personality and character is wonderful. You are loyal to me then it can be a long term relationship between you and me. Body type doesn't matter as long as you have good hygiene. 😊

[Makeushiver]

Naked and next to me. I actually prefer slender women. I don't cream over big tits

[Asker]

I think this is a common preference. I don't know if you’ve read the other comments, but you may be the first person to outright mention breast size. I think the glorification of large breasts is more of a society thing than a hard and fast preference for most guys. At least that’s been my experience lol

[Anonymous]

If I meet the requirements or the criteria of dating. I want her to be a playful, resourceful and nice person with good heart

[Anonymous]

For me it's Inverted Triangle body shape, sporty & athletic.

[Asker]

I don’t fully know what you mean by “inverted triangle” ? I’m guessing that means larger shoulders/breasts with more narrow hips? Athletic is a common preference I think for both men and women

[Opinion Owner]

This is inverted triangle body shape:
external-content.duckduckgo.com/.../

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external-content.duckduckgo.com/.../

[Asker]

Gotcha. So more or less what I described. Thank you for giving a specific answer

[Opinion Owner]

You're welcome

[glennos89]

I prefer tight/skinny/petite

[oldpigg]

Thin as thick.

[Asker]

I’m gonna be honest with you: I have no idea what this means

[oldpigg]

I misspelled: Thin as a stick.

[Asker]

Interesting. Is it just how you’ve always felt it is there a specific reason? People assume that full figured women are more popular and I already suspected that wasn’t true haha

[najekim]

Living.

[Asker]

Fair enough 😂

I feel like men are made out to be a lot pickier than they actually are in some cases

[jahaims]

I like many types

[zombiewoof]

Short and petite,

[Asker]

I think you’re the first answer giver to mention height, thank you for that

[zombiewoof]

Welcome, that is what does it for me

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆