My boyfriend gets easily frustrated when he has trouble with manual task How can I help?

[QuirkyNote]

He told me that I've installed windown screen incorrectly. He decided to do it himself but he just got frustrated, decided to cut it up with a knife and now he won't talk to me.

[SteveSmith1985]

This is a horrifyingly unhealthy three sentences.

Your problem is not how to help.

Your problem is your boyfriend. Even if you did install them wrong. And he decided to do it himself. And he got frustrated (so far... so good. This is very typical. I will be frustrated at this point too).

Cutting up the new screen you're trying to install out of frustration... is not a manual tasks thing. It's an anger management thing. It's an inappropriate way for him to have shown frustration over something extremely minor, mundane, usual, and common.

I get frustrated doing manual tasks all the time. I do not ever destroy things out of frustration.

The fact that he... for some reason is mad AT YOU (?) is also concerning. This is not how a normal man has a fight with his girlfriend.

The silent treatment, when used as punishment (and I don't know. Maybe he was just so goddamn mad that he needed some time to cool off. Which is insane in this case, but still... ok, fine).

For three sentences, I do not feel good about this relationship. There are multiple red flags in this 3-sentence fight description. That's both concerning and also impressive.

I think you need to rethink the shape of this problem in your relationship. You need to take a step back and look at this.

[OneViewpoint]

The dude has personality development issues that manifest in outbursts of violence and anger. Not a good character trait. And nothing you can do to fix it. It a self esteem / self confidence problem. He gets easily overwhelmed by simple bumps in the road of life. How's he gonna behave when life throws him a serious challenge?

Oh, and he's not talking to you because he's ashamed of his behavior. Altogether a guy who avoids problems rather than dealing with them. It's your choice whether you hang around for more of this behavior. Because he isn't gonna change.

[QuirkyNote]

What about a therapy?

[OneViewpoint]

What about it. Like I said, this personality avoids facing his problems. Do you think he'd sign up for therapy and follow through with it? He'd have to admit he has a problem and want to change. More likely he'd just withdraw further into his shell of shame.

[QuirkyNote]

So is there anything I can do?

[OneViewpoint]

Not everything in life can be fixed. You can have a talk with him. You can't "make" him conform to your expectations if he doesn't want to.

Another option would be to spend your life anticipating and removing anything in his life that might upset him and send him into another meltdown. I've seen women do that to stay with a man. It does not end well.

[OneViewpoint]

@QuirkyNote,

Do you know if he has the capacity and the habit for introspective thought? That would be a positive. But not typical of his personality type.

[QuirkyNote]

He's capable of introspection that's for sure

[OneViewpoint]

Use that! It's a great lever to get him to see himself. Don't tell him what to do. Ask him to think about his behavior with the window screen. Give him a week. And ask him if he learned anything about himself.

[Abbycado]

Sounds like he needs a heavy dose of therapy.

[BarryLiverstone]

You can help him by giving him space until he cools off. Then praise him the next time he’s successful.

[In_Trance]

You can't help.

Tell him to stop being such a pussy

[QuirkyNote]

I fail to see how that would help

[Anonymous]

I usually get depressed when I have some difficult manual task I can't do.

[QuirkyNote]

I'm sorry to hear that

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you

[Anonymous]

He seems pleasant