How long do you think people should date before marriage or becoming life partners?

[Cormac995]

in my opinion I'd like to at least have three years dating and another three living together first. Then if we were still doing well, it would be time.

[hahahmm]

Well you can't marry someone you don't trust. So it depends on how long it takes to build trust. I don't think living together is necessary or ideal before marriage. But sure, lots of people do it.

[Cormac995]

I think it is. People are different in private then they are in public. Living together takes away that privacy and removes the veil. I think all couples should live together for a bit before they get married because it's important to make sure you're compatible that way.

[hahahmm]

For some. Some are REAL good actors. I think it's an artificial situation because the way spouses think of their relationship is very different than how dating people do. Stakes are different. Like the difference between driving a car you know you're taking to the junkyard in a week vs the car you want to keep forever.

I did hear the theory that couples should never live together even when they're married. But most people aren't rich enough to have separate homes. With separate homes, you can stay over one of your houses together as much as you want but you always got your own place too. Ha.

[MrChinaski]

We were engaged after 4 years, but I guess we were life partners after 2.5 years. I think that is a vaguely normal ballpark.

[WonderingManII]

I think 1 year should be good enough.

[Cormac995]

I don't think you can know a person well enough for marriage at all in as little as one year. Hell it took me 20 years to get rid of an abusive friend group.

[WonderingManII]

@cormac995
I think the problem with waiting several years is that people can change on you. No matter how many years you wait you can't stop that. I actually heard a pastor say that if you marry Mr. or Mrs. Right, after a year or two they won't be Mr. or Mrs. Right anymore.

[Cormac995]

I dissa gree with that completely and think it;s the other way around. Yes people always change but parts of them will always stay the same. You need to know that even as those things change you stay for the parts of them that never change. Just because your married doesn't mean they won't change either so all your doing by putting a ring on it early is increasing your chances of getting a divorce because you jumped before you knew which parts would shift and which were set in stone. Marriage doesn't magically make you compatible forever love does and love is built slow and requires a lifetime of maintenance. I think your pastor is completely wrong and is doing the whole Christain family values thing encouraging that and he's giving bad advice.

[WonderingManII]

@cormac995
He's not my pastor.

[Anonymous]

At least 10 years.

[Jeff51]

at least 9 months

[Cormac995]

That's way too low a bar in my opinion no wonder a third of marriages end in divorce.

[Jeff51]

Could be. I've been married since 2010

[Cormac995]

I mean there are exceptions. There was a shocking number of one night date marriages during the World Wars and a lot of them turned out great. At the same time that's a pretty snap decision. I mean I guess when you could die tomorrow it's different but damn.

[Jeff51]

I would never do that.

[In_Trance]

Four to five years