How Long Do You Think One Should Take to Date Before Getting Engaged?

[Anonymous]

3-6 Months

1 Year

2 Years

3 Years/+

Updates

+1 y

Give an explanation why you think and chose the answer you voted for.

[Anonymous]

I’m personally going with at least 2 years. The first year is usually spent on really trying to get to know each other on a deeper level, it’s also the “honeymoon phase” most of the time. After the novelties wore off, we can now really focus on the deeper connection and issues. I think the third year is when I’d be comfortable discussing marriage but maybe give it another year to see if we really are compatible.

[Asker]

I definitely agree with you on the honeymoon phase. Same thing I tried to tell someone I used to be friends with for over 5 years, but they didn't listen. Didn't want to take it slow or nada. For many people, a year seems exceptional and reasonable, but it could also be the end. She dated him for a year and got engaged the same time around they first started dating 🫤 Will not be attending their wedding in January.

[Opinion Owner]

I know a lot of people who got so caught up in the honeymoon phase and they end up getting engaged within a year. Some can continue on to make it work while others finally woke up and realized they jumped the gun too soon. Can only hope for the best for them 😬

[Asker]

Im not hoping for the worst but, we'll see.

[ZackBan]

It's hard to put a timetable on it and it depends on your current age well.

I would say not under one year though for a simple reason:
People have different moods based on seasons and have different approaches towards yearly traditions. You do need to take a full trial lap around the sun with someone in order to get an idea at what life with them would be like if you decided to share it until one of you dies

[slatyb]

Depends on how old you are. At least a year, or until you are 25, which comes later.

[Asker]

Why do you state that?

[slatyb]

Because it takes time to get to know someone, and also time to get to know yourself. Early marriages tend to fail.

[Asker]

I agree. I just wish other people really knew this. Some do and don't care and that's a shame.

[slatyb]

Yes, many young people are in a rush to get married for various reasons. I suspect that often it's a desire to get away from their parents' dysfunctional marriage into a dysfunctional marriage of their own. Sometimes it's perceived peer pressure -- their friends are married or pregnant and they imagine that somehow it is better than being single. An unhappy marriage is far worse than being lonely, and an unhappy marriage with a child is worse than that.

[Asker]

I agree. It is. But many young ones around my age don't think with logic or reason when it comes to something like this most of the time. That's why, even if many of their marriages last, it won't be a happy and fulfilling one. Quite stressful and lonely.

[LazerBean]

Until they know them well enough, which is different for different people. A proactive couple will be ready way sooner than a shy/ directionless couple

[Asker]

Are you sure it's not a smart, wise and steady couple will get married a little bit later than those who are eager inexperienced and think they're ready?

[LazerBean]

Which couple is smarter: The inexperienced couple that dates for a year focuses on being logical and getting to know each other by talking about everything important and making sure nothing is contradictory, or the couple that has been in 5 previous failed relationships and vibes for 3 years together and at the end of it still has to second guess what the other person is thinking? Most people are in the latter category. Proactive doesn't mean stupid, it actually the opposite. Lots of experienced people date for a long time and get married when they think they're ready, and still end up as failures. Hence why high body count and previous divorce is linked to a higher likelihood of future divorce.

[Asker]

You're coming up with a scenario purposely by making the couple who has dated less than the one after seem more suitable for each other. Just because they're inexperienced doesn't mean they'll be logical. Usually when it's a new relationship for people who have not dated before and they're young, do you think they be logical and reasonable or would they base it off more on emotion and feelings in that moment?

And for the couple that has been in previous failed relationships, doesn't mean that theirb5 year relationship will be a failed one. And you also mentioned second guessing. That can happen for both the inexperienced or the ones whose had previous relationships. Talking about marriage is no joke and it shouldn't be wakened lightly especially if you think that you're in love and this person gets you. What are your morals? What are your values? Goals? Feelings and thoughts about each other?

And being proactive isn't always a good thing, either. One can be proactive in a relationship, but still not know a lot about the person they want to marry. Hence why a lot of people end up in divorce later in life because, "the person has changed" or "they showed their true selves" or "they fell out of love". Hence why people who get married sooner and younger are at risk for divorce sooner in life.

[LazerBean]

You definitely need to look up what the definition of proactive means. A proactive person is going to create a situation where the best get to know that person. That is what proactive means. So your rebuttal on that is irrelevant since it's incorrect. And once the variable of body count is added to marital satisfaction statistics, it virtually eliminates the impact of the age of marriage variables. So that rebuttal is also irrelevant since it is untrue.

[Asker]

I'm pretty sure I know what proactive means. The question is do you?

Let's break it down, shall we?
Pro is the prefix to active, which means forward, in advanced. Active means to be continuous. To be in effect. To stay... active.

So to be proactive in a relationship means to continuously getting to know the person you're dating, seeing. Learning more about them while they learn more about you. You make things happen in order for this to happen. Understand?

So I think you're "rebuttal" on this is not only incorrect but not factual. You're trying to make it seem like you're the one with all the sense, when I think you don't have a full understanding of it all. Both the inexperienced and those with experience can be proactive. But being proactive doesn't guarantee a happy and fulfilling relationship. It's more likely to, yes, but there's not absolute guarantee. Do you comprehend what I'm saying or do I need to break it down a little further?

Though I have no experience in relationships, I've been around a lot of relationships to know. Being the single friend/person, I've had those who have asked me for advice and suggestions and it worked out for them. And as someone who is studying for my Bachelors and wanting to go into a career counseling people and whose done research on this subject, I think I'd know a whole lot more than you think I know.

[Asker]

Do you know what a rebuttal is?

[LazerBean]

So in short, you agree with me that my initial statement that proactive is best. But you just wanted to argue anyway. Pretty common for people who study psychology and counseling to have that mental defect.

And yes, according to the Oxford dictionary a rebuttal is a refutation or contradiction. You make me wonder if you know what a rebuttal is, though.

[Asker]

In short, I think you're short in common sense and brain cells. So no.

You're the one who wanted to start a debate over something that made no sense. 1) you don't know what it means to actually be proactive. 2) you came up with a hypothetical that was didn't sound right and 3) you're trying to gaslight me into think that me and my studies are wrong and that you're 100% correct. And with what to show for it, exactly? Have researched anything concerning the matter? Have you ever been in a similar situation or experienced something similar? Or are you just one of those trolls on the internet whose a know it all prick that wants to portray themselves as of they're knowledgeable and know what they're talking about? Did you get all of this or do I have to break it down further, because either seems like your one track mind still doesn't get it.

And yes, my "rebuttal" is factual and correct. My professor would agree. You make me wonder of you graduated from high school or barely got by.

[Asker]

I don't really see you winning this argument over something that's really nothing. But if you would like to continue this debate, why don't you go get involved in a debate club and see what people think about this?

I must say, I am good at debate, pointing out the facts, but I don't waste my time with people, such as yourself, who thinks they have the smarts and certification on giving a psychology lesson on relationships and how they affect couples.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

2 months is long enough. If you can't figure out if you want to marry someone after 8 weeks of talking to them then you are just wasting time.

[Asker]

Rushing into a commitment as serious as this isn't a good idea and it could make matters worse for both parties. But if this is how you feel, then ok.

[Anonymous]

At least 10 years. If you date her for ten years and she hasn't cheated on you yet you might have a keeper.

[Asker]

Wow that's a long time. But each one of us has a reason why we think this may be valid or logical.

[Asker]

Have you dated someone for 10 years? And if so, are you two married?

[Opinion Owner]

My take is if we're right for eachother than neither of us are going anywhere. If she's in a hurry to lock me down before we're BOTH comfortable with what we're doing than that a big red flag. When I say "I do" I mean FOREVER and I'm only doing it once.

[Opinion Owner]

No to both your questions.

[Asker]

Your reasons seem valid to how you feel

[Opinion Owner]

And I get that women feel they're on a time crunch. So I'll be straight up honest if I don't see a future between us. That's never really seemed to be the issue for me though. It never really gets to that point. I don't trust easily. And rushing me does not do anything to help that. Trust takes time. And apparently I'm not worth that time to most women. I've said before (and I'm not taking shots here) that I think most women today don't realize that guys risk as much as women when it comes to relationships. Choosing the wrong woman can be just as damaging to a man as choosing the wrong man can be to a woman.

[Asker]

If one doesn't learn how to trust another, how does one expect for another person to open up and to trust them in return?

What you put out is what you'll get back. Have you ever heard of that before? And yes, trust does take time, but it also requires effort and openess. I'm not saying wear your heart on your sleeve, but be more willing.

Yes, choosing the wrong partner, whether man or woman, is very important and should not be taken lightly. I also think that the first person who shows interest in you doesn't necessarily mean that they're the right one for you. But if one is open to giving it a try, then who knows. Only with time will the answer be revealed.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not disagreeing with anything your saying. But you also don't know my history. How much trust I've put out, and what I've gotten back. Honestly I'm just not interested in trying anymore. I'm pretty happy being single. 👍

[Asker]

I don't know your history and I'm not gonna act like I do, because I don't. And as a person of the internet, it's actually none of my business to know what you've experienced in the past and still are.

But not only can I imagine, but I know what that's like because I've been in the same predicament before with someone I fell in love with, and with "friends". But when one gives up, they're missing out on something out there that's possible for them to gain and achieve. Trust me, I'm going through the same thing. And you might say, "Well, you're 23 years old. You're young, haven't experienced enough and still have a lot of time". And that may be true, but that doesn't mean that I haven't been through and don't understand nor empathize with your situation or anyone else's.

But if you're content with being single, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't force something too soon or something that's not meant to be for you.