How long do people usually date before getting engaged?

[louiseee]

He is 25 and a civil engineer. I am 21 and working on my Bachelors in education.

We started dating July 2011.

I really would like to get engaged but he is waiting. We talk about it a lot, as well as our future home and children.

Men, why do y'all wait in these situations?

[Frostie]

Because the law is against us and we lose half our shit that we ever earned in life, and have to pay for bills for children for ever until we die (more realistically 18). There is a lot of crap that comes a long with it. Political equality has made it very unappealing. It is far easier to knock a bunch of sluts up and not pay shit-according to my friend whom is like the real life quagmire (family guy). Any who, I never intend to get married. But if y'all do, kudos. It's not like a ceremony is going to change the rest of your lives or anything, presuming you hang around. From a pattern I've noticed, women rush to get married, then they change, and men are astonished at whom they married. I am not saying that will be you, but there is a trend, and men are very skeptical and suspicious of this. I speak generally, so this may not apply to your boyfriend. I would not consider 2 years enough time to trust half my valuables to someone, on a contract like this. In fact, I wouldn't even bet any person half my shit we would last period. I love keeping my wealth, even if it is in small amounts at the moment lol.

[louiseee]

Oh he knows I am not the type to be a woman that keeps the kids away or takes his stuff. Divorce isn't an option, but if it did happen we agreed to live in the same neighborhood or super close for the kids sake, and we would split the time evenly. And I wouldn't want his money. We saw my parents go through a nasty divorce (don't get me wrong my dad deserved that. He cheated and gave mom HPV which turned into cancer), And if you "knock a bunch of sluts up" you still have to pay child support..

[Frostie]

Re: "Have to pay child support"- if you are an honest person who intends to live and abide by common wealth laws. Freeze bank account and head for south Americas, brazil or anywhere else. See them try to. Plenty of ways to dodge the law. Well that is unfortunate, I hope your moms recovery is smooth. She may want to look into the "bitter melon" that has been found to kill 98% of cancer cells within 72 hours and cure diabeetes. Just a thought.

[louiseee]

They cut it all out of her cervix and uterus so she should be good. Thank you.

[cavmanier]

I don't see the purpose to rush. The relationships not going to change much. Well, I guess I just may look at marriage differently than you though. There is a lot of bad that can come from marriage but the romantic side can be nice.

[louiseee]

I want the legal benefits. Lots of accidents with his job and he has no family where we are and if he was to be hospitalized, I would not be able to see him. I also just want the mushy romance too :)

[teasegirl]

Prob you guys should build your own life and have a stave income before getting engaged. And maybe I should follow this advise as well lol

[teasegirl]

Stable ***

[louiseee]

Yea. I would like to finish school first. Cause then between the two of us we would be making more than enough. But you have those days you know when you are just like, "Shit, I want to marry ya"

[teasegirl]

Yup I know what you mean. I'm just now starting civil engineering and I live in FL. My boyfriend lives in MN. So THIS CRAP STINKS!

[louiseee]

Oh that's cool! Do you know what company you are wanting to apply for? Mine works for Baker Concrete Construction

[teasegirl]

I'm not sure yet. Since I'll be moving

[kambo_trick3y]

I would say minimum before you get engaged should be 4 years, or around there.

Marriage and love are easy words to throw around, but in 80 percent of the cases in this day and age, rarely understood.

[louiseee]

Yea, I get that. We just keep going to all of his friend's weddings and it is driving me a little crazy. :)

I think I am going to wait 5 years max before I am like "Come on, babe"

[Janson]

I would say 3 years is the minimum. Just be careful though. When you rush a guy, they tend to pull back. You want to be tactful about it, and not put undue pressure. If you have been talking about it already, then he clearly is coming around to it, and will likely propose to you eventually

[louiseee]

Yea I try to not put pressure on him. We usually only talk about it when he brings it up.

[Anonymous]

First of all, you should have your life figured out to a certain point. You're still in college so it's stupid to get engaged at this point, your life's yet to undergo some significant changes (finish college and getting a job, for starters), THEN you can get engaged and figure things out. Right now it's just pointless talk, you don't know if any of your plans is even feasible.

First stability, then engagement plans.

[louiseee]

We have stability, and even after we get married we agreed that I should continue to substitute teach while I get used to driving in the climate. I'm in Texas, we are moving to Ohio, and I do not know how to drive in snow. So, even after we get married I wouldn't be getting my permanent teaching possession for a while.

[Opinion Owner]

You're assuming that you'll finish college and find a job teaching. I'm telling you, life changes A LOT between college and your first stable job. I don't see the need to rush things, but of course it's your life.

[InquisitiveMale]

Why? because marriage for men is like pregnancy for women. It's a big step. You ladies probably see marriage as the start of a new life. Men are more likely to see it as the end of one.

[louiseee]

End of one? Not to any of my male friends. That's depressing. Marriage is a start of something new and wonderful. My boyfriend says that himself.

[InquisitiveMale]

And you believe them? I'm sorry hun but there blatantly lying to you... well not blatantly because most certainly wouldn't phrase it that way but in essence it's all the same. We think about what we're giving up and about all the negatives that could follow in the wake of a failed marriage.

Unless of course he has absolutely no doubt's that your the person he's going to spend the rest of his life with... but in today's world even something that's a certainty is never certain.

[louiseee]

You sound cynical. I'm sorry

[InquisitiveMale]

Don't apologize. It does sound cynical. I'll be the first to admit our thoughts are not always pure.

But in any case, you've noticed a trend in men. We stutter before entering into marriage. It's more or less universal. There is a reason for that and if it was something positive... we wouldn't be here having this conversation because guys would be trigger happy with the proposals.

But we're not trigger happy and you are here asking :)

[bh6676r942]

I'm not so sure I would wait that long to get married if I were in his position, I think it's because they think that it would be better to complete their work before getting married

[louiseee]

What does "complete their work" mean?

[bh6676r942]

Become an engineer Become a doctor become a lawyer become whatever they're working for

[Belgie]

Because we don't want to get married.

[louiseee]

Is that an "ever" or a "right now" lol

[Belgie]

For some like me, it's ever.

For other guys, it's not right now.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

You're both still in school, why the rush?

[louiseee]

Did you not read the first sentence? He is a civil engineer, meaning he is done with school and has his bachelors.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

SOrry, misread. You're still in school, and again, what's the rush?

[louiseee]

We are planning on moving to Ohio when I finish school in two years. That's where his family is. But I would like to be married or at least engaged before I say goodbye to my family and move to a cold ass state

[yaddayaddayadda02]

What does he say about it?

[louiseee]

He says he wants to get married in Ohio, which I do not because my grandparents wouldn't be able to go. So with his take on that I assume that he wants to wait till we move.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Then you have to have a discussion with him, traditionally the wedding is where the bride lives, not the groom.

[louiseee]

So I have tradition on my side. That's good. :)

[Anonymous]

three years minimum