How long do you date someone before you know whether you’re going to marry them?

Question

GoldenAxer · Accepted Answer

Sometimes I felt like some part of me knew I wanted to live the rest of my life with my wife as soon as we started dating (although we were flirty friends for a year before we started dating). Now that might sound very foolish and naive but I had multiple exes before her, including two with whom I lived.

My wife was so radically different from all my exes in that I could talk to her so openly and she had such a big sense of humor and thick skin that I never had to worry about accidentally offending her. We could really bare our souls to each other if you'll forgive the metaphorical speaking in ways I could never quite do -- or at least not all the time -- with my exes.

So I knew something was so, so, so different with her from all my exes and the way we got along and communicated right from the start. That said, I waited almost 3 years before we got married. I played it safe and we even started living together for a good chunk of that time first. But in spite of all that, my instincts told me that we would get along so well and probably for the rest of our lives even after a few dates with her.

BeenThereLovedIt · Accepted Answer

It's actually easy to do the math.

When dating, there's an infatuation phase. It can last for days, weeks, or months. Some even claim it's lasted for years, but I think that's wishful thinking more than reality.

Anyways, you enjoy the relationship during that time. Once it wears off and you get really used to each other, that's when you start the one-year clock.

Continue to be in the relationship but don't try to move forward with things like moving in or getting engaged. Just be in it and see how you really get along now that you aren't both pretending to be someone you are not (and yes, everyone does that during the infatuation phase). Pay attention to how they treat others, how they interact with friends, whether or not they are working on their life goals and dreams, etc..

If you make it past the year, then move in together and see if you can stand to live with each other. Also make sure you are sexually compatible.

I'd recommend 2-3 years living together before engagement and marriage.

designer1 · Accepted Answer

I think you can sense it after you’ve been with someone long enough. When I say “long enough” it is not a specific length of time. I believe it is different for everyone. Emotionally, I am ready to marry my current boyfriend of 3 y and 5 m right now but realistically I can’t because of our current conflicting life paths. I have a friend that got married before a year into knowing the guy and they work perfectly together. Others will get married sometimes after ten years of dating someone. This is why I think it is less about time spent together and more about getting the feeling that you don’t want to be with anyone else, you want that person around you for the rest of your life, and you want to build a life with that person.

Prettygurl12 · Accepted Answer

I knew immediately upon meeting my husband that we were going to get married. I saw him and just knew that he was going to be my husband one day.

We met in middle school and I had an instant picture in my head of him at the end of the aisle. Which I brushed aside as nonsense because obviously we were in middle school so extremely unlikely.

But... now I'm 28 and we're married so 😅

We were instantly best friends without forcing anything and were best friends for 4 years before we started to date. We dated for 5 years before we got engaged.

I knew I was going to marry him about 15 minutes into our first date but there was no rush to do so.

PhxBB13 · Answer

Marriage is a decision based on trust gained through consistency over time. That being said that time can take different people different time. Usually relationships are only as healthy as the two individuals that make up that relationship. It takes time to understand someone and you gain a lot for your experiences together and you can’t have experiences together without a good amount of time together. Generally speaking you should be able to gain that knowledge within a year or so with that person if you are doing things right. If you haven’t figured it out by then it’s because you’re not putting in the effort to do so or you are holding onto something because of it’s convenience. Either way you should be fair for both and make a decision to move forward or let go!

libsaretards · Answer

I need a minimum of two years of dating before I propose, regardless of how amazing she seems to me. The way I operate is that on the 1-year anniversary from when we became official (meaning we went beyond just dating) I will start to save up for the proposal date and ring. For ring and entire date that would take me a year to save (I will make the proposal so memorable and the only night that will be bigger will be the wedding), putting us at the two-year mark. At that point I'll know if I want to propose right then, work some issues out first or end things. Also, if it all goes to hell at least I'll have a savings out of the relationship.

Rippersavage · Answer

I personally believe that u must be in a relationship for a bare minimum of 3 years before u can propose (and I don't believe in getting married while you're still in your 20s). So I'm only proposing when I'm at least 30 years old.

I have this whole set of tests in order to find out if me and a girl should get married. Firstly, we must be in a relationship for at least 3 years. Secondly, at the start of the 3rd year of our relationship with must live together. Thirdly, 2.5 years into our relationship we must raise 2 puppies together. If everything goes well then I'll know that this person is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

So in summary it will take me 2.8 to 3 years to know if I'll marry someone

Jamie05rhs · Answer

First, I just have to say that that is an extremely beautiful dress!

But to answer the question... I really don't know. 6 months, maybe? But it all depends on how frequently we've been seeing each other and how open our conversation have been. And whether or not we've both let our walls down.
Also, is this referring to the point when you have that "feeling"? Or is it referring to the point when you "pop the question"? Because if it's the latter, then I would have to say it would have to be at least a year at minimum.

Screenwriter · Answer

Give it a good long haul: a year to 18 months... Pundits say as long as three years, but that seems like a really long time.

In a year to 18 months, 95% of people let their hair down and show you their stripes.

You need to feel comfortable with someone and that you know them, their family and friends, know their likes, dislikes and longterm goals.

VanillaSalt · Answer

I know immediately if ima marry them or not… I’m not. Marriage is a trap for men and no smart man would ever sign that twisted contract.

You can care for, live with, have children with, and even live without being married. Fuck that government paperwork that puts your balls in a vice.

Seinna · Answer

I wouldn't date someone whom I don't consider I could marry. And I wouldn't wait longer than a year without at least seriously talking about it and seeing that he's thinking about it too. I think you don't need any more time, after that men just date out of convenience.

Browneye57 · Answer

At least a couple of years.
Are you 18? Or 24? It makes a difference.
And understand that a guy's brain doesn't even fully form till about 25, so they're in no position to be making life-changing decisions till after that.
You could be in for a quite an extended engagement.

gag2021 · Answer

I dated my late wife for 3 or 4 months before I asked her if she would like to make our relationship permanent. For me it took about 3 or 4 months to feel confident enough that the consistent humbleness and sweetness character I saw needed action. It was real.

HawkPerception · Answer

Depends on the person and how the chemistry is. For me, I think 3 years is solid. If it's later in my life when I'm like 40 I think 1 year might be enough to get to know them well enough to make a decision

humpbackjack · Answer

I knew the second I laid eyes on my wife that I WAS going to spend my life with her it took a minute for marriage to pop into my mind and she actually asked me but we were together about 2 years before we got married

ddogsandfrogs · Answer

I’ll keep testing the waters for a few years now. My first marriage happened too fast and endless badly. You don’t really know people, keep learning before you fully commit.

DonkeyDan · Answer

I knew by the end of our first date that I was going to marry my ex wife, I waited 1 year to the day on a surprise trip to Paris to ask her to marry me though.

blackegg · Answer

Never get married!
No fault divorce makes marriage dangerous for men. The other person can treat you badly, not invest in the relationship, refuse counseling, and leave for any or no reason and they still get half of your stuff. Marriage has such a high rate of failure it is not worth the risk.

FictionalCharacter · Answer

I don’t know. I just go with the flow and focus on our communication and see if that person is willing to stick around during my emotional mood swings.

t-8900 · Answer

haven't gotten to that point yet. I think mostly the reason we wait longer is to make sure our finances are in order first.

LisaRaven · Answer

A long time, not sure last time I was in a relationship with a guy almost a year, I was then and am still now I think a bit young to look at marriage.

GingerGuy · Answer

Every relationship is different and there's no time table because of that.

Commander_Shepard · Answer

I've been with my girl for some months now and I wouldn't mind getting together for good, but I think half a year is probably not long enough to know each other completely even though it feels like we do.

Jlegacy · Answer

You should only date someone you know you are going to marry and you can know by asking God.

raw_is_war99 · Answer

I would say, few months of talking first, at least 5 dates and more discussions. If the person seems like the right fit in your heart then that would be the next big step would be marriage

Sincerly_KittyCat · Answer

6 months or when we decide to be a couple, I won't be dating for fun, whenever I do decide to date.

exitseven · Answer

I waited about 6 months before we talked about it but I really knew in about a week.

DizzyDesii · Answer

in my opinion, It shouldn't take more than 2 years max to know

Fraulein1700 · Answer

It depends. I think around 2-3 years for certain, although maybe sooner (1 1/2 years?).

misterCage4 · Answer

Not for too long. I'd want to know her more and ask people about her and check if we're compatible. I'd like to get into marriage as soon as I can when I am trying to search for someone.

Anonymous · Answer

I knew I wanted to marry my boyfriend right away we have the intimacy the connection sexual chemistry we work perfectly together

LivingExample · Answer

I don’t think there is a “Set” length of time. Some people know immediately. Some people just knew they were going to marry that person and then they breakup!

Sabretooth · Answer

a year. longer than that seems like a waste of time.

Hollysdad1989 · Answer

Was with my wife for 12 years (2005-17) before we got married. She was definitely the one.

Justneedtokno · Answer

Normally it doesn’t take that long but I’d say a good year so

Djaay · Answer

How ever long it take u to completely understand them and they're intentions and still find they appeasing.

RebeccaSJ · Answer

It didn't take me long before I was writing in my diary that I wanted to marry him.

Clarke498 · Answer

When i know as much as i can about them and have tried/found out everything i need before marriage

Andreatheflyer · Answer

I never going to marry. Marriage is one of the main causes of break-up. I will just keep dating forever.

Better_off_here · Answer

i would date them for at least one year prior to marrying anyone. that's enough time to really get to know someone.

noohair · Answer

There is no correct answer. If you are not sure, well, why?

brkncck · Answer

at least 1 year after traveling, shopping and having sex together.

TrueConfection · Answer

We had a 3 mo. courtship and eloped.

XSea-Sonic · Answer

A year. Maybe a few. A few months is iffy.

Aurora1010 · Answer

A year or two will be enough

es20490446e · Answer

Two weeks. After that they run away in panic.

John_Doesnt · Answer

It depends on how big her juggs are.

JohnSmityJohnson · Answer

Once. If that date fails, run!

Twalli · Answer

When I decide to propose

Unicorn_lover_2002 · Answer

A year, in 5 years if they haven't asked dump them

captain_voidwalker · Answer

You should never get married.

Tstrbrainer · Answer

What's your time period?

Julious0202 · Answer

i think the best timeframe would be 1 - 4 years

Wester1967 · Answer

15 minutes

GlovewithLove · Answer

100 years

karaspara · Answer

I don't know yet

m33lad · Answer

3 days

Cassieee18 · Answer

5 years minimum

EaterPeter · Answer

2 months.

Grubhub · Answer

20 years

Jouth · Answer

2 weeks dawg

KyleJackson · Answer

2 years

Abdulwahh · Answer

Well not long

Anonymous · Answer

Around a year

How long do you date someone before you know whether you’re going to marry them?

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