What tips can you give a guy with not a lot of experience with women who wants to get more from life?

[Anonymous]

Hey, I just turned 24 years old and I'm still single. I have never been in a relationship due to being raised by strict parents but when I became an adult (18+) I'm doing what I want more. I dated a little bit but not a lot as I was more focused on school. I did talk to girls/woman from time to time but that was not really my priority. Im also doing study stuff like engineering where there is a majority of men which is difficult to find a woman to talk to in the university. I think that I look good when I'm getting regular haircuts, I try to go to the gym and I do a lot of sports (football, basketball etc., having my hygiene on point, dressing fairly good etc... I'm just feeling lonely because I never really felt love or a woman who has been interested in me. Being lonely bothers me sometimes, it's not that I'm desperate to be in a relationship but I want to date women and have the benefits of it. I just feel kinda lost because I tried to approach women from time to time but all I'm getting is women having boyfriends or women just wanting attention. I did get women who give me a lot for eye contact but sometimes I didn't really approach them due to being scared or nervous but sometimes I just said fuck it and I did it. I need some tips because people keep saying that love and stuff will come unexpectedly but I don't really believe that. It seems like I have to go after it which im not against but it feels exhausting when you put effort and nothing comes out of it. Don't get me wrong it's not that im desperately going after women because I'm doing me. I always see people in relationships even people who aren't great human beings get into loving relationships and stuff like that. Some friends gave me advixe on what to say etc... but I'm looking at the text and it doesn't seem like they do anything special and it looks like it has more to do with them being attractive. Does anyone have tips for me? I will be grateful, thanks.

[Effably]

First thing? Put yourself out there. It doesn't need to be dating, in fact making it specifically nondating can be good, but you need to be meeting and interacting with people.

All the advice in the world won't matter if there is never anything to use it for.

Second? Remember all the kids in school growing up? Yeah well, these are now the people you are dating. They do not have it figured out either. They also cheered when the fire alarm went off and got upset and bored at grammar lessons.

What that means is that there is no rule except being a somewhat decent human being. Ideally you are intriguing. But that can be done in a myriad of ways.

For me my personal dating epiphany was when I casually decided to practice flirting. I could do it before that! But I didn't really get why sometimes people were giggling like I was the world's best movie star and other times seemed unimpressed. After practicing flirting, laying my words, tone, body language in a way that felt good to me and communicated what I wanted it to it felt like I had superpowers. Suddenly I can make people blush and turned on at will! And the key? Goof around, have fun with it and just figure it out without pressuring myself.

But first and foremost meet people you can practice with. Its perfectly cool to say you don't know dating and want to practice with them! Heck, invite someone way too pretty out on a practice date. It's a fun experience!

[Asker]

What you are saying is true putting myself outside is a good way. But just going outside won't do anything since most people aren't looking for interactions or are just introverted.

[Effably]

So you lack a social group? Go to parties on your own. Pick up new hobbies. If you are keen on the kink world go to some munches.

I get that it feels scary and impossible but honestly you could be chatting with 20 new people today. Like I said, the goal does not need to be dating. Join a Judo club! Football! Something. You'll expand your social network and cause a positive spiral.

[Zack-Bann]

Don’t demonize dating apps
they can be a good starting place
Get you familiarized with the concept of flirting and seduction
Get you dates
And might even get you laid a couple of times which will eliminate your insecurities about being a virgin


I was a late bloomer too I know what that’s like


So work on yourself starting today
Get in shape
Get a nice haircut, beard trim
Build a “capsule wardrobe” that’s modern snd stylish (don’t just wear a worn out t-shirt)
If you wear glasses get contacts
Buy yourself a nice perfume (not necessarily an expensive one but you can find clones of popular brands that work just as well)


Once you started all that (and not once you finish because it takes time)
Start getting yourself more social
Make friends, join an activity that draws women and go to parties and gatherings that the sub-community makes
There you will meet women that will already see you as a rockstar


A pro tip I found out recently as well: take up some latino dance classes
These events are always chick magnets
And men are few and far between
You’ll have endless options if you just figure out the basic moves


All this said: have fun
This is adulthood. You’ll get used to it
It might look easier for others.
It’s not

[Texasgal95]

To be honest, I actually had something good come out of Covid. That’s how I ended up meeting my boyfriend I was scrolling through Facebook and it said dating I’m like hey what’s that and I clicked on it and they make a profile for you and it shows things you’ve liked on Facebook and it’ll match you to people that’s how I met. My boyfriend that I’m with now going on four yearssometimes it fails when you try so hard just focus on yourself. Make yourself a better person in the right person will come don’t settle just because you don’t wanna be alone.

[Vevv123]

Actually, it will come unexpectedly.. what you don’t see about those horrible human beings in relationships is that they are probably hiding behind a perfectly constructed facade. Can you imagine what it would be like to date a horrible person? You are doing everything else great, taking care of your goals and health.

I do believe there’s websites for meeting people that have similar interests, not necessarily for dating but for meeting people, like book clubs and stuff like that. I would think dating apps can be useful too.

[Asker]

Thanks and I won't use dating apps since I prefer real life more.

[Vevv123]

Fair enough, best of luck!

[TheSpaceGnome]

"what you don’t see about those horrible human beings in relationships is that they are probably hiding behind a perfectly constructed facade."

This is exactly why I wait until 3 years of being best friends before asking her to date me.
I wish more women understood caution over the risk of being lied to instead of seeing patience as permanent rejection.

[Vevv123]

@TheSpaceGnome Yes, completely agree. Not only do you have time to observe them, but if they turn out to be the right person, your friendship would help build a stronger connection.

[TheSpaceGnome]

@vevv123 Exactly. 🙂

[TheSpaceGnome]

Never cold approach to date, only approach to make friends via common interests/hobbies.

Hang out often, get an idea of the type of person these women are.

If you become best friends with one you think is attractive, marry her.

Stay married to her, appreciate eachother, don't fight over trivial shit, don't cheat, don't lie to eachother, support eachother emotionally, financially, and physically.

Thats it, thats all you need to do.

And yer done.

[Nikki1989]

When you have limited experience with women, it's often a symptom of broader areas for personal growth. The best way to attract positive experiences and connections, including with women, is to become a more interesting, confident, and well-rounded individual. In other words — put yourself out there.

[Abbycado]

Are you still in school?

[Asker]

Yeah I'm in my last year and in like 2-3 months I'm done.

[Asker]

(University)

[Abbycado]

I’d get to social events. My semester ended early May but there were a lot of end of the year events and get togethers

[Asker]

Yes but then I have to go to the other Campuses since my campus will just be a sausage fest 😂.

[Abbycado]

Maybe plan an end of the year get together with friends and go out to a club or bar.

I can’t go (still underage) but I know a lot of students go to hotspots off campus.

[Jeff51]

Have to say hi. Go from there.