Guys, how do you prefer women to support you when you are going through a hard time?

Question

It's not a secret that men sometimes like to vent to a woman because we tend to be more understanding and compassionate. I get confused with how to support a man in a relationship when he is going through a hard time. Men can be so particular with who they open up to and when. Is it best for a woman to approach a man when she sees he is sad and ask if he is OK? Or is it best to wait until the guy approaches the woman to talk? I don't want a guy to think I'm not being supportive, but I also don't want a guy to get annoyed and think I'm trying to force emotion out of him or baby him. A friend told me that once men open up best during an activity like golf because they are so busy with the activity, it takes the attention away from him, thinking too much about the emotion he expresses. Is that true?

RingOfFire · Accepted Answer

Great question and you have some great insight into how men think.

I think men are just as emotional as women but express and address it differently.

And I don't think that is because of "societal" pressure or a "learned" behavior, I think it is because of nature. Men are designed both physically and mentally, through millions of years of evolution, to be the protectors and providers for a family unit which is the building block of a society.

Because of this, certain traits and behaviors have been built into their design. One of them is a better ability to repress emotions than women have. Why? Because when you are hunting the Woolly Mammoth to bag it for the family's survival, emotional disruption is the last thing you want to happen.

It's no different than men having more muscle mass than women, being bigger and faster. It isn't just the rest of their physical body that is different from women, it is their brains too. And the way they think and act is tailored to their natural role as providers and protectors for a successful family unit, successful "herd" and survival of the species.

I think you are right to be cautious how you approach them when you detect they are upset about something emotional because it does matter which approach you use. If you use the wrong approach not only can it make him annoyed, but may make him feel even worse.

My suggestion? Show him you are there for him, but don't push it. Show him you care, but don't address it directly. Don't make him aware that you can see something is wrong because that will make him feel that he is weak and projecting things that make him a lesser protector and provider. Men don't want to feel that they are any less capable of fulfilling their role than women do.

How can you do this? That depends entirely on your unique relationship. Maybe bring him a cup of coffee or a drink that he likes. Keep it light and pleasant. Don't fish for emotions. Don't act "heavy" by bringing up emotional things because that hints that you can see he is holding something in. Just do light things that don't add to his internal turmoil.

If you can keep up this subtle, "I'm here for you" message long enough, he may feel more comfortable that now is a good time to share what is going on with you. But if you get too heavy, he will only hold it deeper inside.

Chazmatazz269 · Accepted Answer

Stay physically close and wait for the deep sigh. That’s the first sign that he’s ready to let it out. Then simply say, “Tell me about it…”. More than likely he will.
Here’s the most important part, create a perfectly safe space for him to express himself. Don’t judge him negatively, don’t make it about you, don’t chastise or criticize. Just listen and accept. Even if he shares something that touches you in a way, it’s not your time. It’s his. Let him feel free to share anything and everything. You can discuss how it affected you when he has moved past the vulnerable phase. Coming back at him with anything other than love and acceptance will feel like an attack, and he won’t respond well to that.
You’ll know when he’s done. If you stayed close, you’ll feel the tension leave his body. He might say “Thank you” or kiss you. He may go completely silent or try to break the tension with a joke. He will very likely apologize, even if he didn’t say anything that might hurt you. Men generally accept being stoic as part of being provider and protector. We never want to burden the people we love. Unloading our own burdens often feels that way. That’s the primary reason we so rarely do. The second one is the number of women who have punished us in various ways for opening up. So remember, love and acceptance only. Or he’ll never open up to you again.

Nikki1989 · Accepted Answer

Like anyone, they need someone who can listen patiently, without interrupting or trying to fix things immediately.

Finchie40 · Answer

She is best to ask if he is ok, and then she is best to just be a listener if he chooses to vent to her

SotiCoto · Answer

This is going to be a very unpopular position... but at least in the past if I wanted anything resembling emotional support, I'd just roleplay as a woman and get some guy to pretend to listen for a while.
Generally when I've got problems what I want are solutions, and usually men are better at understanding that than women are. The emotions themselves are irrelevant and women tend not to get that.
BUT conversely, men don't necessarily go to other men for this sort of thing because it is a violation of bro-code... so to speak. It is unmanly to have emotional problems.
So obviously the solution is to pretend to be a woman to get advice from a man. Men are more inclined to want to help if they think they're talking to a woman. Problem solved.

That said, I haven't done that in a very long time since it is extremely underhanded. Also things don't tend to get that desperate that often. Most of the time I can simply "man up" and crush emotional problems until they go away.

Anonymous · Answer

I don’t know about today’s “men,” but the men I know around my including myself don’t usually need much support. We’ve been taking care of ourselves for a long time, no one has ever really helped most men so we’ve become adapted to fixing a majority of issues on our own. As men there’s a lot expected from you not only by women but society as well. My girl knows not to disturb me too much when she knows something is going on. She will continue to do as she does as far as cooking, washing clothes, etc. Yes I have a stay at home wife, almost 20 years now. Men typically don’t like to vent the way women do. Men want solutions. So if it’s something I can’t handle I know which one of my male friends to talk to cause they will tell me from man-to-man what are some solutions or tell me if I’m just being a bitch. Real talk. I don’t need the emotions involved. A lot of what we may go through as men as far as problems aren’t usually the same as what women go through. A lot of women get their feelings hurt easily for things men would laugh about. Like not being invited out to lunch w your co-workers or the boss reprimanding her. They seem to carry that hurt for a week or longer. Men might get mad at the time but move on. I’d say if you notice something is wrong, just tell him you’re here if he needs you, then give him a hug.

Zack-Bann · Answer

You’d be surprised at how compassionate men can be towards other men’s problems

We don’t call them “the boys” for no reason.

If I need a shoulder to cry one or someone to knock me straight back on my feet I know who to call

so don’t feel obligated as a woman to show some kind of compassion that you think he won’t get elsewhere

Treat it like any other conversation:
Let him speak at his own pace. Don’t pressure him to vent. Be attentive. And don’t be afraid to give advice

Unlike women who hate solutions in times of crisis men do feel better if someone gives them an action plan (but only after they vented all the way through of course)

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

"Men can be so particular" So is everyone.  Because everyone I saw, men, women, kids, elders, and martians, everyone requires a specific approach. Common report among shrinks. So I wouldn't recommend applying any formula because it'll work one day, not the other day, with one guy, not another guy etc. I could tell you what works with me, but I don't see the point bc it's specific to me and we won't meet, so I can only tell and stress that you have to find your own way. Tailored to situations and persons.

strateguy632 · Answer

I apologize for laughing but really this is absurd. It doesn't understand relationships at all. I can see a gal age 16 wants to help but 36 should know!

Women expect a boy friend to "support them emotionally" then we guys need the good advice "don't try to fix it".

Anonymous · Answer

I'm a man. I've taken care of myself for 30+ years. now. I don't need change that now. A guy doesn't need support per se. Letting him know you're in his corner is enough. What would be helping is just not adding to his stress.

All I'm saying is be a safe space for him. Guys are USED to women pretending to be a safe space for him, and the minute he opens up, judging him 6 ways to Sunday. This is why guys k ow better than to.

So be a safe space for him, and don't make him regret trusting you.

virgo2267 · Answer

It would be nice to have a shoulder to lean on or to get some insight from a different perspective… but no man will ever cry for hitting rock bottom… at least not us old school men who bounce up overnight… unlike the newer generations who seem to be very comfortable being everything handed to them

OneViewpoint · Answer

Any man with a brain is not going to spill his guts to any woman. And not to another man either. Men will face their struggles internally and in silence.

WonderingManII · Answer

I feel that you are over thinking this. If you care about him just ask him if he's ok or not. If He starts talking just listen. Then offer some advice. If He doesn't want to talk. Just back off. Maybe later He will open up and tell you.

Fireguy17 · Answer

Just because there to listen and not try to fix it.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

As you said men open up to women fairly easy because women are the opposite of men, and the fact that men feel a bit more comfortable being vulnerable with women naturally..

exitseven · Answer

Leave me alone for a while and then ask me if I am okay.

DJB72 · Answer

The only woman I want to support me would be my wife. Unfortunately, the reason I could do with support is she died 8 months ago

soe11 · Answer

Every aspects.  Every problems.  Any difficulty. Always as I can.

Twalli · Answer

The difference between nen and women us that we see things as issues that need to fixed. If we don't want it fixed we talk to women because they don't see things in the same way.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Ask if he's ok. Compassion isn't annoying. Golf is boring, but video games help.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

Fix him up with tasty home cooked food that's delicious that will elevate his soul to speak up.

Vegasrunner · Answer

To stay away. Men should never vent to woman they are not equipped to handle male problems.

blackeagle007 · Answer

Just let take you out to dinner. I won’t vent anything. Spending quality time with companion makes my day

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

To understand me and stand by my side, also to ease things on me and makes me feel comfortable!

Staximus · Answer

All you have to do is be there and give a fuck

Jeff51 · Answer

Well. We will see in couple months. My store is up for sale. Don't know if employees after

CubaPirate · Answer

Mentally and financially tbh I talking through experience too

Anonymous · Answer

It's all in the combination of empathy and compassion.

worldscolide · Answer

Hugs. mostly hugs. and maybe listen.

Jennz6 · Answer

I would want to know why he’s sad

eagle1951 · Answer

just leave me be

nawtee_me · Answer

If you see something, say something…..

Godihateyou · Answer

I dont. Most women leave immediately.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Support me emotionally

MasterKS · Answer

bend down so i can fuck and be relax.

wkhan_87 · Answer

Emotionally support

Guys, how do you prefer women to support you when you are going through a hard time?

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Guys, how do you prefer women to support you when you are going through a hard time?

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