How are people still getting together? (long)?

[Anonymous]

I was stuck in an elevator with 2 couples for half an hour today. 1 couple was pregnant. The husband was gorgeous, tall, my dream man. The wife was plain woman in her 30s. The other couple were happily married and had kids, both in their 30s. Both couples were on vacation in NYC. We got to know each other in the elevator, heard about their entire story about how they met. The pregnant woman said that after she finished her 20s, she moved from Michigan to miami then met her current husband payton, who was a medical surgical sales. Then they moved to NYC, got married and now they're expecting a baby.

As a woman who is nearing 30, this just felt so sad about my current situation. I have never dated before. I've only met guys from dating apps- nobody had came close to what I was looking for. I swear to god, the only guys who are on the apps tend to be unattractive guys or perverts who are just looking for sex.

I'm just at a verge of tears as people around my age are all married or engaged or hooked up. I'm just at a loss of what to do. People tell me to go to bars, I go there and nobody talks to me. Everyone has their own group they talk to at the bars.

I go to social events, go for a few awkward conversations, most people there aren't even from the city. I barely ever find anyone attractive there at all. I went to a scavenger hunt game, played the game with a few people. Then we just left and never saw each other again.

I just don't know what to do because everyone around me seems to be getting married and I have no idea how these people are getting together. I try to go to bars, try to go to social events, participate in activities I'm interested in. YET, my hand are still empty. I don't know what to do. Am I going to die alone forever? I just don't know how some people are just so successful in meeting attractive, marriage material individuals.

[BCRanger10]

I can only speak for myself here. My wife and I met when we were out to breakfast with some mutual friends. I was smack-talking the St. Louis Cardinals (I'm originally from Chicago and that was the year that the Cubs beat the St. Loser Cardinals into the playoffs and won the World Series... sorry, seems like unnecessary detail, but it does provide context). She's from an area that's heavily populated by Cardinals fans. So you can imagine how things went from there.

We started getting to know each other and as it turned out, we were both traditionalist Catholics, both social media junkies, and both liked writing and coffee. I'd also intended to apply for the job she'd moved to my city for, but never got around to it.

What really got things started was that we went to a ballroom dancing get together for the local Catholic young adults group. One of her college friends (another girl) was visiting and dancing with her. I interrupted them and asked her (my now-wife) to dance, despite the fact that I have absolutely no grace or coordination whatsoever for dancing. But somehow, that made things "click" with her for me.

Now I remember feeling that loneliness and discouragement at times before meeting her. One thing that I've learned though is that things like this can't be forced. A lot of the time, it's timing, circumstances and context, and grace. You don't need to be hopelessly in love with someone. Even a mild curiosity can suffice. When I got up the confidence to start asking women from the church group out, my thought process was "she's pretty, she's nice, she's practicing her faith... I never see her coming or leaving with anyone...I wonder what she's all about?" Then I'd ask her out when I had a chance to.

There's no silver bullet with this really. I can suggest finding something where a common cause is assumed, and where you do see the same faces on a regular basis (which is not a bad thing, because you have more opportunities to get to know someone). True, the dating scene is a mess no matter where you go. But things can and do still work out.

I could go on, but I fear I've overwhelmed you with information and maybe even been less than helpful. I don't know. I'm happy to continue helping if you'd like though.

[Asker]

Thank you for your answer. I really felt like you made an effort. I really needed it because I'm at the loneliest point of my life and I'm so WORRIED about my future. I know its find a guy now or likely it will never happen later.

The take away I got from reading your post is to put myself out there more so that I can meet people. I have honestly tried doing that but the bars don't work for me. Maybe I'm just not pretty enough? I just don't get approached. I don't go to church because I am not religious. I can't dance, am super unathletic, so I can't join a volleyball club or ballroom dancing. Martial arts classes are too expensive.

So I just resort to going on meetup. com to try to free social events occasionally.

But even when I do go, the meetup circles, there aren't many men. Most of the men aren't even attractive at all. Meanwhile I see so many attractive or average looking guys on the street, the attractive firemen who rescued me from an elevator, decent looking, handsome, tall men walking to work into the corporate building I used to be employed at as a security guard (too bad I quit).

I'm really not expecting a super hot guy, just someone who is decent looking. As a nurse working in a female dominated field... I really don't see men at my job. Even if I do see men, people don't like to date at work.

I don't have many friends. I'm trying to make some new friends so I can go to the bar with them to just maybe see if I can meet someone new.
I feel like everyone has a solution to their single situation, but for me, I just feel like I'm stuck in a situation that I cannot get out of. Meeting new people is just so hard nowadays.

[SotiCoto]

You reject all the ones you deem unattractive.
Classic Female Privilege.

Most men don't have the opportunity to be selective at all. In fact these days it is reaching the point where a lot of guys have just given up entirely because their only prospects are the single-mother sloppy seconds who suddenly realised their social value had tanked and got desperate... and meanwhile even women who they'd normally have little interest in are rejecting them for not being some 6'5" Adonis doctor with a 7 figure bank account.

[Asker]

guys do the same.

[Nikki1989]

My husband approached me while I was grocery shopping, 15 years later, and we are just as happy as we were when we first met. My boyfriend before him, I met at a train station. The man before that I met at a rock festival. You can meet people anywhere.

[Asker]

I don't live in a friendly city where its common for strangers to strike up conversations.

[PeachyPie93]

Work on your personality and conversation skills..

[slatyb]

Have you considered counseling? Some licensed therapists specialize in coaching people to be more successful dating. Is there anyone you trust to give you honest advice? Maybe ask them.

[Asker]

they're rip offs. I honestly don't think I would need to pay thousands for multiple sessions of counseling to receive a few lines of very generic information.

[slatyb]

We can't see you. What advice could we possibly give? Ask someone who knows you well who will give you honest advice instead of just telling you that you are beautiful and perfect.

[Asker]

You really dont need to be beautiful or perfect to get a relationship

[jahaims]

Not everyone is broken and immature

[wkhan_87]

It called love