Does she only want me when she can’t have me or is she scared to admit?

[Anonymous]

I know a girl and we used to openly like eachother but became friends.

Over the past couple years i notice that everytime i have a crush or am in like a talking stage or when i made a trip to the states with school for almost a month. She chases me so hard. Like she is suddenly asking how i am everyday and asking about my love life and gets kinda jealous. But she always said we were friends.

Now i heard she was into me sometime again in these years but she never really tells me.
Like she really starts to act like my girlfriend sometimes, one time a girl i liked thought i was dating her….

So now I think she is always into me and when the odds she loses me get higher she tries to pull me in. Should i try something as i am regaining those feelings?

Or is she more obsessed with the idea, currently my thoughtd are switching between she doesn’t dare to reveal her feelings ‘again’ or that she likes the idea more

[DishLady]

This happens to me a lot for some reason. The way guys engage me at an event, coupled with my more open/outgoing personality makes it seem like we're dating/married/related in some way. Just this summer so far I've been to a couple of events where folks thought the guy I was with was my husband and I clarified that we're either friends/work colleagues or that we'd actually just met.

The other person's body language may be giving things away that you're not aware of. Two examples: (1) A guy I'm always trying to help out by introducing him to other girls (closer to his age) will talk to the girl for a moment and come back to stand by me without taking her number or following up in any way; the optics look weird, as if he's into ME, but we both know he's not; he's just not attracted to anyone else and is choosing to "cramp my style" (in this case, let rumors run) instead. (2) Another guy I'd just met immediately found we had a lot in common compared to other people in a very packed event and we started standing in a "couples" stance without realizing it (standing side by side looking out at everyone as if we were in sync with one another) and we spoke basically the same way, so people immediately presumed we were married or dating for a long time, though we'd only just met and barely knew one another.

Our AGE also contributes to this... folks my age are typically married or in a relationship. By contrast, YOU are in your early 20s, so the stats are slightly different. My 3rd and final example is that back in college my guy friends and I used to walk arm-in-arm (in a strictly friendly way), and folks around us started thinking I was dating heavily, so I stopped holding hands/walking with my hand on their arms, which was a real shame bc it was nice to have that innocent proximity with them. Oh well...

Bottom line? Your gal is probably not 100% aware of what she's doing. You need to speak with her to make sure you're on the same page.

[Asker]

But in my case she had actually been into me multiple times so i think that makes a difference, no?

[DishLady]

These guys (turns out) were into me, but (with the exception of the one I married) I hadn’t thought of them in that way bc we were becoming friends. And it’s no commentary on the guys or their qualities or anything — they’re all great guys (ironically with the exception of the one I married). They’re nice friends, we just never talked seriously about being anything to each other.

When a new guy comes around now I have to answer questions from this firing squad of guys who act all protective….

So see if she’s (1) just being protective of you, if she’s (2) REALLY into you OOOR if she’s (3 ) just playing around to mess with you.

[Asker]

I think she is really into me but she never directly admitted she always vaguely hinted back in the day when she liked me

[DishLady]

If you are ALSO interested in her then you have to make that clear. If not, you need to put some space.

[Asker]

I am and she asked about it and i told her. Though she responded very vague

[In_Trance]

This is a colossal waste of time for both of you.
Make a decision... Are you in or out?

[slatyb]

You are an adult. Ask her out. If you don't get a clear yes, then drop it and move on.

[Anonymous]

Depends on her level of trauma.

[Asker]

What trauma?