Confused Signals, Not Sure What to Think?

[Steelcore5280]

I've tried this whole dating thing again out (M31) and met this gal (F32) on Facebook Dating. She seems lovely and genuine, shares much in common with me, etc. We did seem to hit it off when we matched. She and I have so much in common. We flirt a little bit on phone calls (I eventually esrned her number), and she sucks at texting, which is fine.

She's in the middle of a chaotic month and asked me if I could help her mom move some stuff, which I obliged on Wednesday. I met her mother and we moved things with my truck and everything. It was the first time meeting. She was only interested in handshakes and whatnot like a platonic person does, and I wonder if I done goofed or disappointed her because I wasn't clean shaven and whatnot.

Maybe I'm overthinking things, or maybe I actually did mess up and she isn't into me anymore perhaps. I know she's very busy as well with night shifts and everything. But I'm in the camp of "you screwed your chance, bud."

I'd appreciate especially female input on this since women understand women better than men understand women.

Updates

1 y

Hi to everyone who answered, she messaged me and said "thank you for helping us move some things. After meeting you in person, I don't think we are a good match."I think this is one of the many signs that I should juat give up on dating and relationships at this point. I appreciate the feedback, y'all.

[alli-112]

Read the Q and Update. Sucks to hear for sure.

Honestly based on the what you've said, I'm guessing that she was genuinely interested in you to start out with. I know some people are saying she might have just been intentionally using you, but my opinion is that she wouldn't have spent an entire month online with you and had you meet her mother the first time she meets you at all if all she wanted was free labor or attention. Let's be real, if someone is going for that, they're not going to commit an entire month to scamming you and they're definitely not going to involve a parent. They would push to meet quickly or string you along even if they weren't interested. She didn't do that.

Best guess is that she just genuinely realized she wasn't attracted to you for whatever reason after you met despite liking you over the phone. I've definitely had that before: good chemistry over text, but when we meet in person it's just gone. (Mannerisms and more subtle personality traits play a huge role in attraction in my opinion)

I wouldn't let this one get you down too bad if you can help it. I personally don't think you got scammed, I think you got unlucky. Sucks that it went on so long before she realized though.

My personal preference/recommendation, is to try and meet someone in person within a couple weeks of starting to talk to them. Talk long enough to get to know each other a bit - phone calls are a great move in my opinion. Try to get in at least one or two good conversations before you meet, but I wouldn't get too invested until you've met at least once or twice, just because of stuff like this. Experiencing a person over text or phone is just really different than in person; there's a lot of stuff that doesn't come through.

Basically, good luck. Dating is hard.

[Steelcore5280]

I think after this entire thing along with all the other awful and horrible dating experiences I've had in my life, it's probably best to throw in the towel and take all those experiences as a sign that dating, relationships and marriage just aren't for me. Which is fine, I've always been so skeptical about all of it. But if I'm meant to live my life alone, so be it. I got a bunch of other good shit happening in my life.

[alli-112]

I mean, that's fair. I'm not about to tell anyone that they have to have a partner in order to be happy.

[Screenwriter]

Hmmm... Her first meeting with you and she asks you to move stuff for her mother? Doesn't sound like a date to me. And a handshake after your help? Not a, let's go out and have coffee?

I don't think you've done anything wrong. But don't offer to do chores for someone you don't know as a first meeting. Sounds like she made a decision she didn't want to date you. I think this was a shitty way to do it, since you did her a favor.

Wait a week and see if she contacts you. If you don't hear, I'd say that's it.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

In life if you never try you will never know & as for me I rather try & fail rather than not try at all. In life I always say if you like someone you shouldn’t be afraid to tell them. As for you my brother from another mother it’s not the end of the world & just because things didn’t go your way this time doesn’t mean they won’t go your way next time.

Don’t give up bro & with all honesty you two didn’t even go on a date so I wouldn’t even count it as a date. She played you like a fiddle anyway. She needed someone to help her move, you said yes & you got a handshake out of the deal.

As for asking someone out or dating rejection does happen from time time to & when it does I always look at it in a positive way. I look at rejection like the other person is doing me a favor because subconsciously they know they aren’t good enough for me.

Bro you have balls in your pants for a reason so use them & keep asking chicks out.

Clean yourself up, get a fresh haircut & get your ass back out there.

[HawkPerception]

How long were you guys talking? Has she messaged since? Need more information.

Who knows man? Maybe she just wanted some free labour? Just like there's a lot of girls that use guys to pay their meals. You have to understand that if she's not married after 32, usually that's indicative of some red flags.

My guess is as good as yours, especially based on the lack of information, but you seem like a nice dude and I hope things work out for you.

[Steelcore5280]

We've been talking for at least a month so far, and she would call me relatively often first. Seemed like she was quite genuine, as well.

I'm still being pretty cautious considering all those truths you laid out in front of me.

[HawkPerception]

Maybe she was just uncomfortable being flirty in front of her mom. And being in person is a whole different vibe than talking online.

If she's initiating the communication, that's usually a clear sign of interest. Girls usually let the guy initiate communication. They want to be wooed and chased.

Definitely keep your wits about you, but I would go more on the offensive now. Try to take more initiative and state what's on your mind about you guys. Don't be the nice guy that she loses interest in because you were to afraid to make ask honest questions. Don't cross boundaries (this generation isn't the generation for that), but be more aggressive. That's my 2 cents.

[HawkPerception]

After reading the update, I feel like you should have asked her why she felt that you weren't a good match, just for your own self improvement.

And I wouldn't give up just because one girl said no. I know it sucks being rejected. We've all been there. It's a harsh dating world out there. But don't let one girl get you down. Just focus on being the best person you can be.

Hit the gym and watch your confidence skyrocket.

She was strange as hell though. Saying that she didn't feel it after you your first meeting was just to help her move stuff. She didn't bother having coffee with you and having an actual in person conversation. Fuck a girl like that man. You can do better.

[Screenwriter]

I missed the update before replying. My guess was, by the handshake she'd made a decision and since she didn't ask to go on a date, it was a. negative one.

In the future, go out on an actual coffee date. I think you dodged a bullet because this woman was incredily nervy to ask you for a favor for her mother when you'd never even met her!

Don't give up. This is just one woman. Ask friends about people they know who they think might interest you. Online is SO hit-miss. Good luck.

[DishLady]

Aww, I'm sorry to see that she doesn't have the horse sense to be around you -- and that she used you like a task rabbit then ditched. Not nice at all. :/

[Summeroflove]

Mixed singles can be unintentional and could mean someone has mixed feelings. Communicate how you feel and see if she will talk. If she won’t then maybe it’s not meant to be.

[Zack-Bann]

“I tried this whole dating thing again”


Already the way you’re talking about it tells me 100% you’re gonna fail


You can’t half-ass dating. It doesn’t work like that.


“Maybe it’s a sign I should be alone”
No it’s not
Because A: there are no such thing as signs in life.
It’s just an infinite succession of random events and our limited ability to control parts of certain outcomes


And B: so what if she's not interested. You are literally a few swipes away from trying again


Important thing though.
Don’t offer services involving your time and your truck before at least getting through a couple of “romantic” dates
This is true regardless of where you met

[RHK36]

She used you and you let her. She lost respect for you for being a simp and helping her move. Have self respect next time before coming across as desperate. You barely knew her you had no reason to meet her mom like that if she was serious and she had no right asking you unless she thought you would because she saw the simp in you. Know your worth and when to tell people no. Learn to move on from something that ain't it instead of letting it play out. You're too old to be fooled by people's selfish intentions. Better off single until you grow up more if you can't see the red flags.

[777GgG]

Could be because it was the first time you actually met and mom was there.

[Asgard356]

My bruh

[Steelcore5280]

That ain't exactly helping me with my question.