Every time a man approaches me my boyfriend blames me? helpppp?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend gets very jealous but it gets real annoying when he blames me. He gets really angry when i get attention from men although its out of my control & i hate it! If a man flirted with me he gets pissed off and he directly blames me. A man groped me in a concert and when i told my boyfriend (i was venting because i was traumatized) my boyfriend blamed me immediately he told me its probably what i was wearing & he said the fact that i didn't file a police report is proof i was happy and enjoyed it which is ridiculous…

[DishLady]

Your boyfriend sounds like a shit. (I'm sorry to say that, but any guy who stands there and BLAMES YOU for strangers giving you unwanted attention is a shit. He should have been a gentleman rather than being so rude about it.

For your part, you probably should check to see if you were doing or wearing something that would have provoked the staring and commentary of other guys. (I'm not trying to blame you or body shame at all, however there's no reason to accidentally tempt anyone in a way that will garner unwanted attention or put you in a possibly dangerous situation in the future.)

[ohsheeT]

I think he doesn't believe in him self and he has thoughts of other girls. And he knows it's wrong so he blames you... because of his thoughts.

If he was being real with you and honest he would say you know you are beautiful and he would know he is yours and has nothing to worry about. And would also know you can take care of your self in any Givin moment. And if not the first name your going to yell out is his because you need help. That's love because he believe in him self and you. But when he's having thoughts. Of girls he feels guilty. And now can blame you it's really sad. . Because if he doesn't change him self he goingbto lose the best thing he ever had. But he has to be honest. With him self first

[Summeroflove]

Well maybe you need to break things off. If your man trusted you he would know you were loyal and shut it down immediately. But maybe he’s hiding something that’s why he’s so defensive or maybe he’s just been cheated on before.

You can’t control the actions of others but if I trust a woman even if she’s getting approached she wouldn’t ever do anything. I would trust that if she ever lost attraction or caught feelings for someone else that she would break the relationship off immediately.

The whole grouping thing is another story. A woman whose hiding something wouldn’t tell her significant other what happened. But you should have filed a police report I do agree with that.

[Anonymous]

And this is what you want for your future daughter? This is how you’d want your future son to treat a woman? Smh.

[Chazmatazz269]

It’s not actually outside of your control, and he knows that. Very few men just walk up to random women and hit on them with zero sign of interest. Dating coaches have to teach many men how to interpret the “signals” women claim to be sending out. Other dating coaches are teaching women how to be approachable.
While it’s true that you might get some unwanted attention regardless of what you do or don’t put out into the world. It’s not true that you have no control over what you put out into the world. If some women can learn to be more approachable, you can certainly learn to be less.
Very few men are so jealous that they’re in any way uncomfortable with having a great woman. What makes most men jealous is how their woman responds.
Try being less approachable. If he continues to express unfettered jealousy, then you’ll have to make a difficult decision if you otherwise think he’s a keeper.

[Asker]

Tbh chaz when i live my life I don’t center men around it. I really just exist. I am not thinking about what is attractive and what isn’t. To add to that i have been sexually assaulted by men even when i was kid like the first time ever i think i was 12. That in itself has caused me a lot of trauma & i never do anything to attract men (on purpose) because i dont feel safe around men in general. He is also my first boyfriend and i am 24 and i never left my shell because i am shy. Like i can’t explain why men approach me but I don’t actively work for it.

[MzAsh]

Sis, don’t let men like this convince you that you being attractive, visible, or approached is the problem. That’s not a reflection of you, it’s a reflection of his inability to handle a woman who commands attention without even trying.

Some men simply can’t stomach the quiet truth that their girlfriend is higher value than they are. So they reach for control, shame, and gaslighting, because deep down, they know they couldn’t pull you in a room full of options.

You getting groped was a violation. His reaction was a red flag. And this idea that you need to “be less approachable” so men don’t behave badly is just weak men asking the world to shrink around their fragile egos.

[HighValue]

How do you dress when other men hit on you? If you are wearing revealing clothes, then it is your own fault.

However, if you dress conservatively and don't flirt with anyone, or post any revealing pictures online and it still happens, then it is likely because he is a weak man and doesn't want to blame the men because he is a coward.

[RHK36]

I mean you picked this guy and actively keep picking him because you stick around. If you know it's a problem why stick around? Stop the complaining and yapping if you have no intentions of leaving.

[Nikki1989]

Dump his insecure ass. It is very unlikely he will ever change.

[jahaims]

You're an idiot if you think being with someone like that is okay

[nl171]

Sounds like he may be projecting. Most insecure men will do this.

[cavedweller1973]

It’s not your fault that he is insecure that’s his issue and you shouldn’t let him try to make it yours

[slatyb]

Dump the boyfriend immediately. This is abusive.

[WhitneySnow]

That’s a huge red flag!!!

[LiamS95]

I wouldn'f grope you but would want to be with you

[Pterodon]

Dump him. He doesn’t have your back

[Bklynbadboy12]

Tell him it's not your fault that your beautiful

[Anonymous]

Leave his stupid ass