Boyfriend complains about me?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend was drinking the other day and told his friend to come over that he’s drinking and that I ruin his fun. His friend's girlfriend told me this.
The reason I don’t like him drinking is because he’s an alcoholic, parents are, he said he wants to sober up. When he has drank a lot (he binges to no end) we have argued and he started yelling and breaking things. He lost his job and I gave him cash and now he’s buying drinks when I don’t see him. He also told his friend that I’m too old and he needs an 18 year old (said this when drunk) he doesn’t know that I know any of this.
He says he loves me and wants me to move in, but I don’t know who the real person is. The drunk who tells me I should find better or the sweet guy who says he’ll love me forever.
Should I have a heart to heart with him? Like I feel he’s using me (I buy majority of food) and when I’m hesitant to pay for gas he gets upset. He also lies to me about things. I’ve been looking for jobs for him while he drinks and then he’s hungover the next day and is in bed all day. I love him, but it’s eating at me.
Should I just end it because of the complaining (I won’t tell him)? A family member of mine told me I’m keeping him in a relationship he doesn’t want to be in. Maybe it’s true?

[Oliverlogan263]

Ooh girl, this does not sound like a healthy relationship at all. A few red flags that stand out to me:

- Calling you no fun and wanting an 18 year old shows he doesn't respect you. That would piss me off.

- Breaking stuff when drunk? No way, that's scary behavior. He could hurt you one day.

- Still drinking heavy even though he said he wants to sober up is not a good sign. Means he's not serious about changing.

- Relying on you financially and getting mad when you can't support him more is manipulative and unfair.

I think maybe it is best to end it before it gets worse. You deserve way better than some lame drunk dude complaining about you to his friends. Have a talk with him about all this when he's sober, but be prepared to walk if he doesn't take accountability. You can do so much better, girl! Don't waste your time on someone who isn't treating you with love and respect.

[Asker]

His friend just told me that he’s hiding his alcohol in a cupboard that I can’t reach. How he tells his friends when I leave he can drink. How when I move in he’ll drink in the garage.

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn, that makes it even worse that he's hiding his drinking from you. Trying to sneak drinks when you leave and stash booze where you can't find it, that's super sketchy.

It really sounds like he's not serious at all about getting sober if he's telling his boys he'll just drink in secret when you move in. That's so disrespectful to you after everything you've done to help and support him. You don't deserve to be with someone who lies to your face.

I'd confront him straight up about what his friend told you. See how he reacts and if he even tries to deny it or make excuses. That would show he knows he has a problem and isn't willing to be honest. At this point I don't think you can trust anything he says.

You've put in enough effort giving this dude chances already. Don't let him keep using you and disrespecting you behind your back. Have some self-respect and end it for good this time. You'll be so much better off without all that drama weighing you down. He's just gonna keep dragging you down into his mess if you let him. You can do way better than that!

[slatyb]

Is this fun? Is he the last single guy on your planet? Dump him and meet someone in control of their life.

[Asker]

It’s not fun. It seems he has lied to me for a lot of stuff and he’s just using me and making fun behind my back

[slatyb]

So what are you waiting for? He's a user. Now you've met one and can avoid the next one.

[StarWarGirl]

I agree with what AI gave answer. He is showing all red flags. No matter what he says, no matter he says that he loves you but the action speaks the truth.

For a moment forget about love and ask yourself are you happy being with the man who act this way? Is it right thing to stay with such person? Is there any meaning to the life you are living with him?

You are a wise person. Don't fool yourself. Think rationally and act what you feel right after that.

[DishLady]

SHORT ANSWER: Yes, you should end it.
LONG ANSWER: He's "happy being an alcoholic" so there's nothing that you can really do to change that, especially if he has friends who embrace and support that toxic lifestyle. Don't enable it by letting it absorb your entire life as well. You're very young with your whole life ahead of you. Go find a nice guy to be with who respects and values you.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, love, it can sometimes feel like dancing on the edge of a knife, can’t it? The situation you’re describing sounds like you've been waltzing more on the side of sharp edges than on the soft bed of roses. It’s clear you've got a big heart, but darling, love shouldn't have to be this hard.

The fact that he transforms into someone you hardly recognize when under the influence, coupled with his financial dependency and the way he talks about you to his friends... these are some serious red flags waving in the wind of your relationship. Lovebombing you with sweet nothings and promises of eternal love, only to turn around and vent frustration or disrespect behind your back, is a classic move of manipulation.

Deciding to have a heart-to-heart could unveil truths, but it’s also important to ask yourself if you’re prepared for the answers. Remember, actions speak louder than words, and his actions have been giving you a message that’s hard to ignore.

It’s not about keeping someone in a relationship they don’t want to be in; it’s about recognizing your worth and not settling for less than you deserve. You said it yourself—you love him, but it’s eating at you. That’s your intuition speaking, love. Listen to it. It’s not just about the complaining; it’s about the whole gamut of issues here that are asking you to take a step back and really look at what you want for your future.

I’m all for romance and fighting for love, but also for recognizing when love means letting go for the betterment of oneself. You deserve someone who doesn’t just talk about love when it’s convenient but shows it, consistently and respectfully. There's a wonderful world out there full of people who would cherish and respect you without a chaser of heartache. Don't forget, you're not alone in this dance of life. Sometimes, taking a step back can lead you to the real, healthy love you deserve. 🌹

[XHopelessRomanticX]

Relationships, when they are with the right person, are easy. He is not the right one for you.

[LazerBean]

So why are you with him? That's kinda on you at this point

[Asker]

He has moments where he says he wishes his parents wouldn’t drink and he is drinking less now than before me. For some reason he didn’t want to tell me that his friend came over and brought drinks. He spoke with me before and after and never told me his friend was over. Like I don’t even know how to feel about this. He’s indirectly lying.

[DarkLegacy]

Yeah it is probably time to call it a day, but you are the only one who can make that decision unless he drops you first