Boyfriend mad at me?

[Anonymous]

Why do guys 'ignore' you after a fight? My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now, we have had our share of fights and arguments. But what I don't understand is that sometimes after we have gotten in one he doesn't talk to me for several days, I ignore him and wait for him to come around once he has cooled off and he does end up coming around. We got in a fight last Friday, so its been a week already and he still hasn't talked to me. Is he still really that mad at me? I know this week he has had midterms but Friday he has no classes...but then again its 930 in the morning. Am I stressing over nothing?why is he doing this?should I try contacting him? or just leave it be and continue to be patient?

Updates

+1 y

Do you think he will come around and things will work out?or is it a hint of saying its over?

[hisangel]

I don't know if all guys do this cause I do this too. The way it is now, I can't storm off and not talk to my partner for a week cause he is sleeping next to me :) , but in the past, with other guys I would not want to talk for awhile cause I was just so furious I would either say something I couldn't take back or I just didn't want to deal with drama in that moment.

I have to say, from the perspective of being the one walking off, I needed the time to fume BUT I hated that I always had to be the one who fixed the relationship. I hated that sometimes the guy would sit around and just wait for me to cool off, come back and then talk it out or apologize because I felt like he was half in the argument too so sometimes he needed to try and fix it.

The man I am with now does sometimes come and try to say he is sorry when I am fuming. If I am still p*ssed I tell him but sometimes it works to calm me down. And I do appreciate it because it shows me he is trying to make things work.

So I don't know what your boyfriend is like but I'm sure occasionally he would like you to give him a few days but then call and apologize instead of waiting for him to come back around. I would try it once and see what happens. Cause I do have a feeling it will be appreciated if on occasion you show him that you want it to work too instead of waiting to see if it works. I think most people want someone who is going to equally fight to keep the relationship alive.

[marley86]

Sounds like he is kind of pass-agressive; meaning that he has problems discussing and/or expressing frustration or anger towards you. The way that he deals with conflict is by avoiding it, and maybe this is a result of something negative that happen to him in the past associated with conflict. I wouldn't suggest telling him that you think he is pass aggressive, because this might make him angry, or continue to beg him to talk to you about things. Perhaps putting a little less pressure on him to talk about things, and giving him a little time. Just let him know that it would be great if you could talk things out with him, but that you are willing to wait for whenever he is ready to talk to you. After you let him know this, stop contacting him, and I guarantee you he will eventually start talking to you again. When you guys do talk things out, try not to get mad at him, or point things out about him, just tell him that you are happy that he expressed how he really felt. Make him feel like he can discuss things with you, and not just relationship problems, but other things in his life. If he seems uncomfortable with that, don't try to push him but let him know that you will be there in case he does want to talk. I dated a guy who had this problem, and overtime he really started opening up to me and I think it really helped him grow as a person :) Good luck! I hope this was helpful.

[sweetpeaxoxo]

Mhmm this guy sounds a lot like my boyfriend since I've been with mine for two years aswell. Sometimes guys are just that way like you have to understand his side too. It can't only be a one sided thing. Be patient. Fights happen. Just give him time to think.

xoxo

[theyareallcrazy]

Chances are he could still be p*ssed off. How did the fight end? Were you guys telling each other to f-off and then stormed away?

I'd say to contact him but don't smother or oppress him. If he's still too angry to talk, he's going to need time to cool down. There's not point in forcing a conversation to happen when it's not a healthy time to do so.

It bugs the hell out of me when me and a girlfriend get in an arguement and I make it clear that I'm not in the right frame of mind to talk afterward, but they won't let it go. It makes things significantly worse.

If this is one of those relationships where you fight often, then pretend like nothing happened and never discuss things, you might want to consider the fact that it's an unhealthy relationship.

[Asker]

We didn't say anything nasty, he didn't say he wanted to break up it was just that he didn't want to deal with it right now or talk to me. and I give him kudos for that?he is taking the time to cool off until he talks to me so he doesn't make any mistakes with me?

[theyareallcrazy]

Ya know, why not just send a text or something to see how he's doing? Let him know you are thinking about him, and you hope all is well. Don't smother him, and don't be too needy. Take the opportunity to be with your friends, enjoy life, meet new people, and have fun. The fact that you haven't attempted to contact him shows some strength on your part.

[dudeguy]

He's probably still thinking it over and trying to figure out if he was right or wrong. He also wants to make sure of his thoughts and feelings and make sure he doesn't say or do anything stupid around you.

If you're that worried about it, just call him. If he doesn't pick up after the first call, leave him a message saying that you wanna talk to him and that you're sorry about the fight (you don't have to say it was your fault, just say sorry about having the fight). It should put him at ease to hear that. Also, know your own mistakes during the fight, anything you said accidentally, you should apologize for. He isn't going to like coming over to hear everything was his fault.

Good luck.

[uphoria]

He is probably just mad at you still, and rather then take it out he is being the better of himself and just letting it calm down. I don't know about other guys, but competition is key to a lot of men, and getting in a fight fires me up. If he won't talk for days, he is still harboring resentment over it. After he gets over the resentment, find out what you were fighting over and see if there is a compromise. Don't talk about the fight though, and be soft about it, its easy to relive it.

[BlackSuperman]

Yes, you are stressin... but here's the rub... guys ignore girls after a fight because they are still mad and dnt wanna do anything stupid (more fighting, physical altercations, etc)

[Asker]

Isn't it just easier to apologize and move on from it? insted of playing the no talking game or is it more along the lines of guys hate fighting with someone they care about and don't want to say anything stupid and 'ignore' you until they are ok.

[BlackSuperman]

It just dnt werk that way for the most part though...

[WeaponZero]

You answered your own question when you used the phrase 'cool off' to describe what he is doing.

[IStarrr]

I think guys don't say anything and "ignore" us after a fight so not to escalate things. Very smart actually.