What do you think of this message from a dating site?

[msc545]

My colleague is on a dating site and got this message from a woman he had written to twice, the second time asking if she would like to talk - here is her response - what is your reaction?

"Women have to be very careful nowadays. You have to understand. I get a lot of "interested" men, but I need to know that we have something to talk about before we talk. I'm not trying to sound cold. I'm not here to waste anyone's time, especially my own. I'm so new, so I've only actually chatted w/ you, but I don't feel like we're getting anywhere by bantering about "chatting" & talking. I'm about to leave this site as it's mostly Catholics & I want a WASP. I'll read one more message from you to see if we're going to move towards getting to know each other in the slightest, or I'm moving on. I'm not desperate, I don't need us to talk, esp if I don't even see you asking me anything really about me. Relationships are a 2 way street, & I know enough psychologists who know how to get to know someone, esp someone who prefers to get a few things in common before talking on the phone. I have been in touch w/ someone on Hinge bc he impressed me w/ how he answered & asked me questions. I just don't want to settle for talking right off the bat if I'm not seeing potential. If you're willing to have a 2 way text chat for a bit & convince me that a talk will be interesting for both of us, then we can progress. Otherwise, I sincerely wish you the best on what you're looking for. I'm willing to wait for the right fit as I'm in no need for a man. I just would like to find someone to share interests & great chats (of all kinds) with, who is 100% Christian, & isn't going to waste my time. I do not think texting initially is a waste of anyone's time. I need to be convinced before I proceed. I'm sorry if that's not for you. I just don't have the time.

[ProbablyClueless]

I don't understand people who send messages like that; it reeks of desperation. That hurt girl "wounded on the battlefield and bitter about it" energy.

• She's taking a needlessly adversarial stance with someone she clearly hasn't put any of her own effort into cultivating rapport with. (selfish)
• She's makes it clear that she doesn't feel particularly drawn to creating a bond with him.
• She's telling him about other guys she's entertaining to keep him off balance so she can get some kind of upper hand on him. (super controlling behavior)
• She's conducting the conversation like an audition, quite literally telling him that he has one more message to wow her. (total diva)

If I was your coworker, I would be thankful for a bullet dodged.

[msc545]

Extremely well said, thank you!! This will be an MHO if I can.

[ProbablyClueless]

Thank you! Glad I could contribute

[On_cloud_wine]

I did get that “That hurt girl "wounded on the battlefield and bitter about it" energy...

[DreamCrescent]

it looks like an absolutely fake message. also who would take the time to write such a long message threatening to leave the site to someone they’ve never interacted with

definitely a scammer. this isn’t how a girl on a dating app would communicate. this colleague is getting reeled in

[msc545]

@DreamCrescent I think it was justt a very angry suspicious woman

[CaptainSmartass]

Wow. Your colleague dodged a major bullet there.

Simples...

[ohsheeT]

Wow im dizzy after reading that. . that sounded like some of my answers on here.. I think i would send her the hottest sexiest things im looking for and be on with it lmao

[MisterWack]

God Damn.
She said a lot of general truths, while being completely ‘weird’.

“ I'm in no need for a man“

“I have been in touch w/ someone on Hinge bc he impressed me w/ how he answered & asked me questions. I just don't want to settle”.

“I'm about to leave this site”.

Personally, leave since this guy isn’t what you want , this app isn’t what you want , literally wasting his time writing a long incoherent rant session in text form because messaging like this and acting like this kinda seems like you are…. How do I put this?
The desperate one.

[Zack-Bann]

This what happens when you banter with no intent on a dating app


Not saying she’s right to monologue like this but I do know why it happened


When you match on a dating app no one cares what you had for lunch or how the weather’s changed or what you did at work today


The texting needs to have purpose
To build attraction. (Being funny, witty, charming)
Build comfort. (Demonstrate respect, empathy, and interest in the other person)
Set up a date (make the move and figure out logistics)

[Effably]

While it comes across pretty standoffish which is arguably bad perhaps she felt that level of clarity was needed to get your guy to think for a second instead of go on auto-pilot.

It all basically asks for a connection of some sort before hopping onto a next step which is fair in my book.

I have some minor issues with a few of the things stated but the semantic meaning of it I am down for and happy with.

He just needs to respond in kind. Think similar length message. She obviously is on a roll and so first get her to adapt to his pace and mindset then just be genuine? I have never had the problem of being uninteresting. But most everyone is interesting if they open the right page of who they are to someone else.

[OneViewpoint]

Whoa, she be damaged goods. Bye bye! Ghost her. Block her.

[msc545]

My cat Allister takes offense at this.

[slatyb]

Too negative. I did a bit of dating online and I quickly learned that if someone won't agree to a meeting without a lot of texting, they are a waste of time. People who seriously want a partner are willing to meet.

[Gwendoline]

Well she certainly knows what she wants and that's fair. Sounds like she feels empowered that she can pick and choose guys.

I've never used dating sites but from what I've heard other women say is that the best guys don't tend to be on them and from guys that the amount of time and effort needed to get a single date isn't worth it.

[LiamJHayden]

There is a lot there. For me, a huge red flag is "psychologists" as most have been influenced by the huge errors of Ronald Levant. To distill Levant, he judged men using female standards and decided most of us are "defective" since we do not express emotions in the same manner as women. His influence has caused a lot of problems.

[PeachyPie93]

Seems dramatic and looking to pick "the best one".. She isn't really interested so he should just drop her.

[Ariesman81]

She lost me at "I know enough psychologists". I bet you do sweetheart.

[beefcakebradybatson]

I'm sure there are many racist dating sites.

[msc545]

I don't think this was a racist dating site at all. It is one I have heard of and I have no reason to believe it's racist. That said, I think the woman that wrote this response is a religious bigot.

[sirderpsalot123]

I don't even think I would respond lol

[msc545]

He didn't.

[dustybiker2]

It's a damn lecture.

[Staximus]

She sounds like an idiot

[Staximus]

"I want a WASP"? Who the fuck even says that anymore unless you're some wanna-be high society country club baby from the New England area of the country?

[msc545]

I am told she is Asian.

[Staximus]

Well shit, half the time they are even more racist than a new England country club baby

[msc545]

Really - I wasn't aware of that. Must have something to do with money.

[exitseven]

Imagine being married to her. Holy crap/

[avery58]

Sounds copied and pasted

[RedInnocent69]

WTAF 😳 someone who will never be happy

[Jennz6]

Move on