Has a friend ever given you bad advice?

[DishLady]

I have a feeling that a close friend of mine gave me some very bad dating advice on purpose and I'm not sure why.

The advice was to get the attention of one guy by showing up with another guy. Totally not my style. PLUS, in the past guys randomly approached me in front of the guy I'm interested in... or I mentioned someone awesome that I wanted the guy to meet (for him to have a good business connection or something)... and it just made him in very competitive, jumpy, sarcastic and generally nuts. It would never deliver the results my friend is considering, which is to make the guy step up and ask me out.

(Does any of you do this? Seems like a very stupid manipulative thing to do. I don't like it.)

[MrOracle]

That's TERRIBLE advice and comes from someone who is, AT BEST, incredibly manipulative, but more likely is trying to sabotage you.

This is something a lot of women do - destroy their "competition" so they remain just as single and miserable as they are. Men don't do this - we welcome and encourage our friends' successes, but most women get jealous and try to undermine their "friends" because they are always in competition and can't stand when someone else has something they don't.

This kind of move would only work on men with the worst morals and values and intentions - it would only harm your chances with any man with morals and self respect.

[DishLady]

A guy gave me the advice. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[DishLady]

Men certainly DO show up with one chick and stare at another!!!

[MrOracle]

Okay, well, your guy "friend" is sabotaging you, most likely because HE wants to date you and thus doesn't want you to be successful dating anyone else.

[DishLady]

Nah. I think he's gay, actually.

[OlderAndWiser]

I think most of us stopped using those tactics by the end of ninth grade. That is an example of the mentality that love is a game where you must manipulate a potential partner into a relationship, instead of a romantic opportunity is the occasion to show your potential partner how well you treat a partner and how you respect them.

Do you know anyone who is now in a truly happy relationship which began with one partner manipulating the other? Me, neither.

[DishLady]

I e actually seen the tactic used to the successful establishment of two VERY successful relationships, HOWEVER it wasn’t engineered. The two people just happened to meet while they were with other people.

But see, I already know how he reacts to other guys being next to me or even mentioned in a positive light, so I just don’t think I’d have the heart to do a fake run-in, you know?

[OlderAndWiser]

Be true to what you know is right and, whatever happens, you can be proud of yourself for how you handled this.

[DishLady]

🫡🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

[Bitter_Sweet94]

Yes, a few times.

Not out of malice, but because people project their own fears, wounds, and insecurities onto your situation.

I’ve learned to listen, but not blindly follow.

Some advice is really just someone telling you what *they* would do with *their* history, not what’s right for you.

These days, I filter everything through my own judgment.

A friend’s perspective can help, but my life, my choices, and my consequences are mine alone.

[TsundereMatrix]

Always. Whether it was dating advice, or simple life advice. None of it was good.

[HawkPerception]

I think if you have GOOD friends around you, then their "advice" is with the best of intentions and based on what little they know of your scenario/circumstances.

But sometimes due to their lack of knowledge of the scenario, they can give bad advice. I'm pretty critical of who I choose to have in my circle, so I don't think I've ever been given bad advice. Rather the advice would have been good if it were the circumstances they assumed.

[HawkPerception]

Always have to take everything others say with a grain of salt

[Summeroflove]

Dating advice that never works for them… but think if I do it it will… yeah ok

[Spencer10]

Well in my opinion that is stupid advice. Game playing is not a good way to start a relationship. Very immature and soooo high school drama type advice. IF that advice was given to undermine you then you should conclude thats not much of a friend.

[Spencer10]

Now Id ont think I really answered the question... Yes friends have given me bad advice. But it was never malicious. It was advice meant to be helpful but it just turned out to be wrong.

[DishLady]

Yeah I’m obvi not inclined to follow the advice since it goes against my character, but also bc I’ve seen what a mild instance of watching me interact with another guy does to the guy who’s into me, and those were accidental. He registers “all guys” as competition, which is silly.

[DishLady]

I don’t think the advice was MALICIOUS, just the guy friend doesn’t like this fellow from the beginning. He says I deserve a more obviously attentive guy.

[Spencer10]

OK here is my opinion for what its worth... I may agree with your friend a bit. If the guy you are interested in gets triggered by other guys that sort of lack of confidence is a bit worrisome. Jealousy of any kind can be corrosive.

[DishLady]

Yeah but his “solution” is to let the guy see me with a new person. The theory is the guy will get jealous and either leave for good or make his move. It seems mean in my opinion.

[Spencer10]

It seems mean to me too... if he has concerns just talk to you.

[DishLady]

I told him… dude, you’re with me or you’re not… and if you’re not… let me be. But he’s like a boomerang. I don't know why.

[Spencer10]

Well if memory serves me right you dont have to catch a boomerang... it can just fly right past.

[Staximus]

I never really listened to any friends bad advice but I did listen to my uncle's bad advice. He told me not to buy a house that was worth $200,000 in the late 90s, but now that house is worth a million.

A girl tried to pull that trick with me to make me jealous, and I just completely stopped trying to call, text, or date her. I figured if she would rather go out with some other guy than me then he can have her.

[jkreuger95]

Yeah, don't play that game. It would piss me off or I would feel so invalidated, i may end up leaving on the spot

[DishLady]

Same!

[aaron13547]

Yes. I think just about all advice is bad advice. Most people dont understand their own mind let alone anyone else's. Jealousy works if you are going after the kind of guy that kind of thing matters to. What made her advice bad advice is she isn't aware of who you are or what might matter to the guy you like. No offense here, but even if her bad advice she gave to you on purpose. You took it... and you also called her a friend still thinking she sabotages you on purpose.

[MannMitAntworten]

Someone watches to many ridiculous 80’s love movies. It is lousy advice and a waste of your time.

[DishLady]

AGREED!

[whiskeyontherocks]

Real answer I don’t have any friends.
Answer that’s probably most helpful.
I never ask for advice from friends for a reason.
Most of them have destroyed their own lives or character. Not going to let them get mine.

[Bricealan]

@DishLady Doesn't sound smart to me either.

[exitseven]

Probably but it could not have been so bad that I have a scar

[worldscolide]

Yeah that's some high school nonsense. Definitely bad advice.

[40andabellygoingon]

A lot of times people give terrible advice and recommend terrible people to do work for u. You really have to go with your gut aka Gods voice

[FreakInTheBedroom]

women give bad advice to other women lol but I try to give good advice and I think some folks try to give good advice and its actually bad advice but I don't know

[DishLady]

It was actually a guy’s advice to me.

[MJVillarama]

Oh, all the time! Friends mean well, but sometimes their “advice” is more opinion than wisdom. Gotta filter and take what actually makes sense for you.

[Ironco]

If I was you I'd just go and talk to the guy you are interested in. Don't bring another.

Extra people just mess up the water so to speak.

[AgentG111]

Yes, they have.

[Alex-Snow]

Yes but it was not on purpose

[spartan55]

Why do you keep hanging out with these weirdos?

[DishLady]

That's just how the guys here are. If I had a dime, for example, for every time a guy butters up a gal his age only to start asking her about a gal she marginally knows who is 1/2 the guy's age.

[spartan55]

That's not normal at all.

[DishLady]

City slickers...

[beenherebefore]

So many times.

[Anonymous]

It happened a few times.