What helped you the most in dating?

Question

I struggle a lot so i need some advice or words of wisdom

Hardon-Collider · Accepted Answer

Defining "dating" helps.

If you mean "finding a partner" then it's not supposed to be a frequent, recurring event.

Thus i consider anyone who treats dating as a hobby to be an idiot. ㅤ

Hope this helps.

What you are looking for is getting to know a person, many people, because you don't just run into "the one" suddenly. Familiarizing doesn't have to be a secluded meeting at all. Try not confusing "familiarizing" with "being romantic".

If you do that, you will stop being shocked that simply spending some minutes getting to know a person doesn't guarantee that they magically become the perfect match for you. Be real, most people are not your perfect matches. Thus, if "dating" is your filtration stage, then it will by definition fail most of the time. Sounds like that's what you've been doing.

And if dating is not ending in rejections, and you're not dating acquaintances, then, let's just say that upon success there's a high chance the water you drink doesn't differ in quality from ocean water.

I think the deal is that people lack patience and want to feel the romance before they are sure that they have the fitting person. And you should have left it behind in the teen years. Ages 21-28 mark the 4th 7 year cycle (you know, how there is the milk teeth replacement at 7, puberty at 14, ability to consent at 21, and in the middle of 4th cycle is age 25 when neuroscience considers "the point of maturation") you're supposed to be not just be thinking for yourself but also transforming your inner life so you can actually perceive the destiny of others, not just quenching your cravings. Recognize a karmic connection when it stands before you.

"P. s.".. karma is the progress bar of the soul's development. When matching with someone by it, you are feeding the relationship based on nutrition. If you only look for the "spark," you are feeding it based on taste. A mature adult should know that you can't live on candy alone.

So patience and honesty. Not for dating's sake. For yourself. If you just want shiny things then admit it and put an end to your confusion. ㅤ

Hellraiser1984 · Accepted Answer

Once you realize marriages these don't usually last long and relationships don't get to that point much these days you realize it's not that important or fun. Plus the chances of being cheated on or you cheating are pretty high it's really just a game. Love is just mutual lust. It's chemicals and once that reaction ends and the fun is over the game ends. If you do get into a relationship you're going to fight at times you're going to say things and do things to each other that are just cold blooded and wrong. If you have kids they're going to drive you crazy and money is always going to be an issue. Plus there's the chance the other persons parents aren't going to like you or your parents aren't going to like them. There the chance that your children may be disowned by their grandparents. I'm not going to go into all the legal stuff and potential alimony and child support you'll be paying for years. Think long and hard about relationships. It can effect not only your life but your kid's lives too. And don't ever get involved with someone from a different social class than you ever. If you're poor marry a poor person. And unless you are rich stay the F away from rich people.

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

I used to date a lot in my younger days and the one thing that used to turn me off was when it felt more like I was being interviewed for a job instead of on a date. All that was missing was his clip board and the job application.

Don't pepper her with too many questions - like seeing if she passes your test and is someone that fits what you're looking for and then never call her again.

Sometimes I felt like filling out real job applications and just hand it to the guy and get that part of the date over with.
That way he wouldn't be trying to size me up by asking me question after question.

Of course you want to come off as being interested in her, so some questions are okay to ask.

I may be old fashioned but I still believe that when you're on a date that the guy should open the door for her. It shows that you have manners and are a gentleman.

Use your manners! Treat her with respect and hopefully she will reciprocate.

Try and laugh 🤣 a lot. Bring your sense of humor with you.

Don't push having sex with her right away and if she does it, then she's not dating material but a slut. Do you want a slut or a woman? 👠 👠 💄

Try to find interesting things to talk about. Like if she likes her job (if she has one). Ask her where's she's been before like what States has she been to if she's in America. Ever been out of America. If so where? What did you like best about it.

Don't talk about your ex!! Or hers - like don't say "Why did you get divorced or break up with your last relationship".

If you are the one who asked her out on a date then you should pay for it.

Let one day go by after the date and then call her if you like her.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

1. Not dating to the death. Save your energy for meaningful dating.
2. Testing the waters for a while longer before getting into (or onto) anything.
3. Not listening to EVERY friend's opinion bc some people simply aren't looking out for you.

Miristheiss · Answer

I did not do "dating".

I met women and vetted women for marriage.

She is marriage material, keep seeing her. She is not marriage material, stop seeing her.

Only women who wanted families were what I was after.

All of these feminists whose value system is just pure individualism, career, pleasure, clubs, travel, childlessness perversion ilk were just immediate no's.

They are extincting themselves. I wanted a family, a purpose, a legacy, the next generation of our country.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

As for the heart it’s a wonderful thing & when two hearts become one that is when the real magic starts happening. As for the heart the heart wants what the heart wants & something the heart can’t always have what it truly desires & sometimes hearts do get broken. In life if you never try you will never know & in life if you like someone you shouldn’t be afraid to tell them. In life I rather try & fail rather than not try at all.

As for rejection unfortunately it does happen & when it happens the best thing you can do is simply move on & move on with your life. As for me I try to look at the bright side of rejection. I look at rejection like the person is doing me a favor because subconsciously they know they aren’t good enough for me.

Somethings in life are worth trying so get out in the world & go try.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Hopefully one of these tidbits will help you out.  Girls just wanna have fun. If you live a life you find fun, women who also find that stuff fun will naturally want to be a part of your life. Don't  try  to be fun. Just have fun and let other people respond how they will. Learn not to chase. Don't put effort into someone who isn't giving you effort in return. if you make one or two offers to her, she knows you're interested. Just let her response determine what you do next. If she genuinely wants to continue contact, she'll do what she needs to to follow up.  Avoid making things complicated.  A whole lot of what women want is to feel seen and appreciated. Making an effort to really listen to what they say and giving them a sort of affirmation is hugely important.

dragoblack · Answer

The dating scene is full of outdated standards, toxic behavior, abusive & manipulative tactics, an insane amount of people who don't want to put in effort , an insane amount of people who don't want to overcome their trauma & insecurities, but instead bring it into their next relationships, and people who chases after the type of people who cause their trauma.
Simply put, dating economy/society is a toxic pit of sludge that you need to swim through to find a healthy relationship. I recommend looking in areas of similar interests.

BonzoInBitburg · Answer

Practice talking to people out in public both male and female. Just say hi or short friendly conversations and learn to be comfortable around new people. Be friendly and smile a lot and people will gravitate to you. Make some female friends. There's nothing better than a female wingman. Wingperson? If you're a decent guy your female friends will try to set you up with their friends.

OneViewpoint · Answer

Act like an adult.

Smile.

Relax, chill, less words, not more. Don't rush to fill the silence.

Don't overstay your welcome. Make your exit before the conversation goes quiet.

A series of small interactions. End the night on a high point.

Stop stressing about a stranger liking or rejecting you.

Stop being focused on "getting the girl" or "getting laid". Focus on having a good time.

NathanDavis · Answer

- being myself...
- never really tried to date so never asked anybody to date me
- focusing only on getting to know someone as for who they are
- being open and honest about me and all about me... (no tricks, no plan, no pretending, no tactics)
- and then just wait... sometimes you just really click with someone else, based on the right reasons too

aaron13547 · Answer

Learning to love myself so much i didn't need to date someone to feel whole.

when you stop chasing something, its able to find you.

That doesn't mean stop trying, its more like find another approach. Instead of looking for someone to date, maybe look for a new hobby and friends to enjoy that hobby with. Do that and the date may just fall into your lap.

Zack-Bann · Answer

Being present in the moment instead of lost in my own thoughts while on the date

It’s very often the difference maker because when done right you radiate an attractive energy that is very hard for resist

Zionne · Answer

What helped me most was building confidence through practice and learning to communicate clearly, showing genuine interest without overthinking every move. Working with a   also helped me understand attraction, approach strategies, and how to navigate rejection without taking it personally.

Alex-Snow · Answer

Just be yourself, ask questions about her and get her to talk. Girls do not want to hear guys brag about themselves. Good hygiene helps, do not rush to have sex, smile a lot and be honest... girls can see through the bullshit most of the time.

How has it worked for you in the past? Any current girlfriend?

Anonymous · Answer

When I stopped asking women out.

I learned that when a woman really wants to know a guy she WILL ask him. And you have a lot better dispositions towards dating when you're not having one woman after the next trying to game you. And disposition makes a significant factor.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

What helped me the most was finding women with common values and common interests. Not focusing in "dating" itself, but on meeting people. Just my thoughts.

itsannalee · Answer

By not lower my standards and love myself more than anything.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

Just to keep trying and self reflecting and accepting sometimes I didn't do anything wrong and sometimes neither did they.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Don't overthink anything and have fun. People expect too much and take it too seriously.

whiskeyontherocks · Answer

Dating is a series of trials and errors don’t get caught up in perfection.
Also date people with hobbies that they want to be better at physical or other…
It’s hard to spend your time with someone that’s ok with being stagnant.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Learning from mistakes, getting to know myself and my issues and working to solve them.

Subgurl · Answer

Finding someone with similar interests, values and morals as my own.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Not having a scarcity mindset. I do not fall into the "she's the only one" trap.

Monte-Cristo · Answer

It depends on the woman you're date. Every women is a different book and you can't understand her without opening the cover.

Chthou95 · Answer

Easy just not approaching or trying to date. The only winning move is not to play

Anonymous · Answer

I healed my autism. It fucked me up. I healed it with natural medicine.

queenofcardio · Answer

Being honest about what I want

Abbycado · Answer

Being patient for the right person.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

My cover boy good looks.

Pohjolan · Answer

Getting in shape.

Anonymous · Answer

Pick the right woman from the start LOL

Anonymous · Answer

Nothing, I never had an actual date.

Filthy_Immigrant · Answer

not dating

jahaims · Answer

Being mature

ABC1x1x · Answer

Hating woman

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