Am I supposed to be alone?

yesterday I had to leave work per ambulance because my just got really squeezing and pain in my chest that spread to the both sides of my pectoral, and pain started tingling upwards through my neck to the bottom of my jaw. Long story short, it wasn’t a heart attack, but I do have a referral for a cardiologist. Another reason that I’m kind of hurt by everything is I just lost my second really good close friend who once I told her I actually had developed feelings for her. She won’t acknowledge me anymore, which I don’t understand why. I am a 48-year-old autistic male and I’ve never had a girlfriend in fact I’ve never been past two dates. I’ve had some opportunities that obviously ended with not wanting to talk to me anymore and I even had a girl who my friend was trying to set me up with said that was scary and they didn’t understand why she said that. Maybe I stare too much. I don’t understand all sorts of cues. as someone autistic a woman can’t do the normal first impression situation as we are someone who needs to be known deep down to find who we really are. I am very generous like the last girl painting her a picture and bringing her coffee every day literally doing anything for her at any moment or anytime. I thought that was enough to tell her I loved her. But now I’m two years from 50 and I don’t know how long it’s gonna take me if I ever were to try to change who I am which I was always told don’t change who you are because somebody that’s put on this earth for you is looking for you. However, if I do have to heal or try to change ways from anxiety, how long is it gonna take? I can’t wait till I’m 70. I want a wife I want a family. This has always been my desire and my hearts wish and God said he will give you the desires of your heart and God also said it’s not good for man to be alone. From work from online from musical theater, from hobbies and special interest I was never able to get past a date. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I’m really scared.

Am I supposed to be alone?
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