I am 35M and only ever paid for sex, what to do now?

[Anonymous]

Before anyone asks “why aren’t you at work”? I’m sick, if I go like this I’ll be reprimanded. and when I get sick, I think of stuff that haunt me

I only ever paid for sex to be honest, and I’m 35M now. My whole entire 20s SUCKED for dating. I was rejected and humiliated and mocked incessantly and I was at zero count all the way until 30. I was rejected innumerable times (like, an insane amount. Nobody could reasonably keep track). I finally sucked it up and paid for sex.

I did this for about 3 years until I realized I also needed real intimacy. Escorts don’t provide that, and that was clear from day 1. I’m not sure why I didn’t “fall in love” with my first escort. Many men in my situation seem to do this, but she meant nothing to me. If this doesn’t prove how meaningless this is now, I’m not sure what else can.

So, at age 33 I went back to trying real dating — only to realize I was having the same luck I had in my 20s. I thought I could gain the experience I needed by banging escorts and getting more masculine hobbies and even getting a six-pack. Guess I was wrong.

I wonder what it’ll really take to break into regular American dating at 35.

[Zack-Bann]

You were getting rejected for inexperience dealing with women not inexperience in “what goes where”


When you pay for it you eliminate every other aspect of the relationship


The woman is now completing a transaction
She will tell you everything you wanna hear and more.


You wanna date for real?
You start from 0


If you can afford escorts you’re not flat broke
Use that money to get a haircut, some nice clothes, a gym subscription, a balanced diet


Then socialize as much as you can.
Make friends and go out.
Don’t set unrealistic goals from day one
Just chat with girls
Make them laugh
Tell them a compelling story


Then you can flirt more, tease more, suggest activities to do together
And boom, you’re dating


It won’t be easy
But it won’t be an endless string of rejections if you so all the preparation steps first

[bananathunder]

something has to be really wrong if you have to pay for it... There is someone out there for everyone. Maybe try lowering your standards?

[Asker]

I literally had people in bars stop and stare to ask each other “why’s he going for her, she's ugly?”

People are judgmental and can really suck, yes. But that shows I’ve already lowered my standards insanely.

[bananathunder]

thanks for the MHO

[Abbycado]

Sleeping with escorts does not translate to upping your dating game. Not sure where you thought that would help.

[Asker]

Let me explain

1. I was getting rejected for inexperience when I wasn’t being rejected before.

2. I wanted experience to solve that problem.

[Anonymous]

Good for you, I never had sex at all.