Met a walking red flag, hope I can get some advice. How to give up on someone you already have bonds with?

[Anonymous]

I know it sounds stupid.. and i didn’t make right decisions… no judges.. here’s what happened..

i met a guy from app. I was upset at the moment so i wasn’t aware that he was a red flag. I let him come to pick me up from work. He came to my workplace almost everyday whenever i wanted.

Then one night he came to celebrate my birthday with me. It was late and i let him sleep next to me. Then He just went straight to sex. (he tried not to protection at first and i know he had ons before. I m still scared that he might has STD… but it happened anyways with protection )

After the night, he just assumes we were in relationship. He would stand behind me and see if i was talking to guys. I told him we weren’t dating. I don’t date people with no confession and flowers.

One night , i got cold. he brought a bouquet of flowers and soup and asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes and right after that i added him on facebook and found out he has a son, 15 years old. He is 34 so he had him underage and the mum left..

i think that was dishonesty and left without saying anything.

He came back after weeks of arguing.
Then i found out more…

He got his dad’s store after his dad died but the business is about religion stuffs like some Voodoo stuffs… also his dad has two wives that both working in the voodoo store.

He keeps saying the store doesn’t earn enough money. he’s a bit mean in spending money. He never buy me gifts even in Christmas

Another red flag , his phone was filled with chatrooms he has with other women. He also has multiple instagram accounts that talk to different people..

He makes fake promises… like one night he just claimed he would buy an apartment with me and start living there tgt.

He provoked everything just few weeks later.

He lied a lots. Check my location.

Smoke, drunk driving.. when i questioned his behaviours, lies he would twist my words and manipulate me…

i broke it off last night but feel terrible.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

I think you made the right decision in ending it. He is definitely all kinds of a walking red flag. I might get not wanting to disclose the son right away as some people might want that private until the time is right but the rest is absolutely scary.

[Asker]

Thanks.
But his full background matters… i think he should have told his full story before committing
.. since not everyone can accept a step family….
I asked different questions about kids to see his expectations but he told nothing. I guess he hide it on purpose.
He broke the trust…

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Perhaps he should have, but sometimes single parents are afraid that either people will be too scared to give them a chance or maybe they are protecting their kid from bonding with someone it may not work out with.

[Asker]

He brought an ons to his home.
Spent a night there. His son slept in the room right next door.
he isn’t that protective.
He just didn’t want me to reject him at the beginning.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

And that's understandable. Would you have rejected him if you knew? If so, then his point is made.

[MontBlanc]

Letting go is hard, but protecting yourself matters.

Steps:
1) Accept the red flags.
2) Create distance.
3) Focus on yourself and your goals.
4) Process your feelings.
5) Set firm boundaries.

It’s not failure , it’s self respect.

[Anonymous]

Lol @ "I feel terrible".

You sound perfect for eachother. "Jerry" "jerry" "jerry". If you didn't want judgement you came to the wrong place.😆