Life is boring when you’re not delusional anymore?

[Anonymous]

Life is so boring when you realise that your delusions are not true😭 like nobody actually likes you and there are no reason trying so hard communicating with someone who is not interested in you. And you feel like it’s time to give up. Even guy that love bombing not actually like you, just want something from you. Literally feels like you just need gave up and not ever try again. And it’s so boring 🥲
For pretty girls it so much easier, they don’t even try hard heh~

Updates

4 mo

Last sentence “and she likes me same way, but turned out to be not”

Updates

4 mo

Oh I tried to answer in comments lol

[SueShe]

I do not agree with your position.

I have never been delusional in my life as an adult. As a child everyone is a little delusional mainly because adults make you want to believe facts that are not true such as the Easter bunny or Santa.

However, as you grow older those delusions progressively disappear.

I may be in a slightly different situation as the one that you are in because I am not interested in dating or being in a relationship and that allows me not to be delusional since I know very well that nobody is going to try to cheat or pretend.

And I don't have the feeling that I am bored since I have my education that takes up most of my awake time. And it is precisely because I invest that much time in my education that I do everything possible to avoid to be delusional to obtain my degree.

[HollyK21]

Sounds like you have unaddressed mental health problems.

[Asker]

Like what type? Would like to know

[HollyK21]

I wouldn’t be able to diagnose to obviously but I think some of your talking points are pretty problematic. To suggest that life is more exciting when you feel as though you live in a state of delusion? Problematic. To project that people don’t actually matter to other people just because you don’t feel like anyone cares about you? Problematic. To form all these opinions about life because you’re being male-centered and basing your feelings about everyone else off of how you’ve been or are being treated by men? Problematic. You should take men out of the picture right now entirely when all they’ve done is wreck your self esteem and warp your outlook on life. You feel ugly, depressed, disappointed, nothing good is coming from the choices in men that you’ve made. Maybe that’s a sign to take a step back, find a good therapist, unpack your issues and create some more value/purpose in your life that doesn’t involve a guy.

[Asker]

Yeah, but I never had boyfriend and become so obsessed with idea to find someone when I reached 24-25. And don’t know how to not to be male centered and not think about it much. I see how other girls in relationships and also want to find someone. But my attempts fail everytime. I know it’s not right to think about men that much. And I finally realised that guy I liked not like me back and I become less delusional. And suddenly felt emptiness. I have few female friends and I appreciate that. But they both in relationships, and mostly do stuff with their boyfriends. And I constantly have to look for people if I want to do something or go somewhere. I often do stuff by myself, go shopping alone even if I don’t have car and it’s far away. I’m currently in country where car is must have. Recently went museum alone. But felt really lonely when I stayed alone in bus stop with homeless people. I started questioning myself “am I worse than anyone else? Why nobody wants to hangout with me? Other girls have boyfriend that care about them, and I have nobody”. I tried to invite one guy and two female friends with but they said they’re busy.
I feel really lonely, I also quickly attach to my female “friend” while they don’t want to hang out with anywhere. I’m not talking about my few friends. But I had classmate girl that I really liked but turned out to be not

[Asker]

Last sentence “and she likes me same way, but turned out to be not”

[HollyK21]

You really need to ask yourself if being in a relationship by 24-25 is so important that you neglect your mental health on purpose. Because whether you realize it or not, that’s what you’re doing. You don’t know how to find a good man because you don’t know what one looks like, so in your effort to find a relationship you’re basically giving any guy who’s good looking a chance and then end up paying for it afterwards.

In most cases you cannot control the timeline of when you find a boyfriend, so what’s your plan for if you do reach those ages 24–25 and are still single? Roll over and die of depression? No. The world is not going to end. You can’t be a good girlfriend or wife to any man until you can be better to yourself, and it’s hugely problematic when you basically are saying “my mental health and suffering is not a priority, finding a boyfriend is because I’m sick of being alone and I’m sick of seeing other girls have boyfriends while I don’t”. Your attempts will continue to fail because you aren’t using good judgment.

[Asker]

Yeah, you’re right actually 😭
I also have really low self esteem like if I’m not liked by guy than im loser and ugly. And seeing how the same guy completely different with other girls make me feel like I’m not enough and something wrong with me, cause they are able to Iove and be nice with others but not me. I should work on mental health 🥲🥲🥲

[HollyK21]

I’m going to give you a fake scenario: Imagine some mystery guy as your future partner, and he’s sitting at an empty table. All that’s coming to the table is what you picked up along the way, aka on your journey to finding each other. Imagine he brings a big, beautiful dish. It’s got all your favorite foods, everything looks good, and it’s only that way because he did the work to curate that meal just for you.

Now, imagine yourself. You start with a big, beautiful plate of food as well, except along your journey to the table, each guy you deal with takes a fork and digs into your meal. Imagine each guy taking and taking, and you don’t do the work to replenish what they took. By the time you get to the table, you have nothing to offer except scraps. That man won’t want the scraps, he’d ask “why did you let those men chip and chip away until you had nothing to offer?”. That’s how I compare a person who doesn’t prioritize doing the work to become the best version of themselves before being in a relationship. All you’d have to offer is some broken version of yourself. Low self esteem, depressed, ruined by other experiences but you were so eager to settle down by a certain age that you ignored your mental health and how you’ve suffered.

So I say all that to say this: I know that you feel ready. I know you’re tired of being alone and you have fixated on finding a man by a certain age. But you sometimes what we want needs to take a backseat to what we need. You don’t NEED a relationship right now, you WANT one, and you should equally want to better yourself before doing anything else. I can’t stop you from having this goal, and for all I know you’ll be back here in a few days with this topic. But I do hope you at least consider what I say, because it could make a big difference.

[MidnightRivers]

Life does have that affect on you once you realise how selfish and ignorant most are but that's where it's your duty to become a good person build up strength and uphold your values as cliche as it sounds lol

[ChicoFromThe305]

Poor little anon going through it 😂 *pats head*

Same anon as before I assume 😂

[Asker]

Yep😭

[ChicoFromThe305]

I knew it, keep posting, eventually you'll one day remember you didn't post about it and that's when you know, you are over it lol

[Anonymous]

Life can be torture when you're delusional, especially when you keep getting reasons to prove the contrary.