Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
It seems like after he asked when I was last intimate I shut down and stared into space even though I really liked him I was nervous.. I was quiet.. he asked about my job and what I had to do Monday for my lesson.. he asked to see my phone and he downloaded ChatGPT then said “I give the best advice “
I’m making a separate comment as not to keep blowing up the Queen’s notifs, but Chels — don’t give up on going to school. Even in our hardest times, life goes on. You already know I disagree about the whole tranny thing and I am not going to try and convince you of otherwise, I’m just saying that ultimately there’s more to life that unrequited love or family issues. You can’t just crawl into a whole and live within those bad moments, it’s just so unproductive.
You don’t know him! I can’t believe you don’t see the type of person he is! Omg! He likes trannys!!
How do you keep moving when literally everyone is against you and you keep fcking up? My step family doesn’t really talk to me because of my step sister everything is just a mess
But I truly love him Holly
You do a really good job at getting into your own head and convincing yourself of things that aren’t true. You don’t love him, because you don’t even know him. There’s nothing to love but the things you wished had happened and they didn’t, and that’s living in a fantasy. Time to tap back into the real world.
Okay ✅ but I think he had a girlfriend
You feel like he did?
He really did his big one on me. Like I legit don’t ever want to fall in love with another man. Every time I think of him I get hurt
You haven’t been doing all the shenanigans you used to in order to get his attention, so I’d assume that’s why he hasn’t taken legal action. Plus that shits expensive, it’s lengthy, and if he doesn’t wanna have any attachments to you then I’d imagine legal action would be his very last resort. Personally, I think at this point you’re the one doing a number on yourself. Given how briefly you dealt with him, it should’ve been no problem letting go and moving on. Yet you’ve emotionally invested into him so deeply over these years that you’ve just started breaking your own heart since he’s not around to do so. Some of these sources of hurt don’t even have anything to do with him. For example, you’re feeling rejected and unwanted by your family, but instead of that being it’s own separate source of hurt, it get roped into how strongly you feel about that guy. Same goes for the coworker who wasn’t really talking to you, along with your camp counselor, your step brother, your cousin, it all gets roped together and poured into this heartbreak over a man you didn’t even know. This is where getting professional help comes into play, because you need to unpack all that with someone you feel comfortable with and gain healthy coping mechanisms.
So do you think he had a girlfriend?
I recently text him 3 weeks ago and told him that he makes me hate living.
He couldn’t care less if I died he hates me
SIGH… why would you do that? You already texted him and said to just go ahead and press charges, so why say something else? My goodness Chels you have no sense of self preservation whatsoever. Do you think legal issues would just be a breeze? No big deal? A minor hiccup as long as it means you are attached to him? Come on.
I told him the truth
I know you won’t believe me but I believe he’s involved with a trans woman secretly
Yes, it matters.. I just wish he cared enough not to go through with it
Are you my friend?
Even if he were to care, no matter what he still has to protect his safety. As of now you’re more of a threat than anything, because of the things you’ve done and the lengths you’ve gone to in order to get his attention. No one could blame him for being concerned, especially since you are basically a stranger to him. You spoke for a week but knowing someone for such a short length of time only really grants you casualty. He didn’t know you on a personal level in order to care, you only even met once.
What makes you ask if I’m your friend?
All I wanted to do was embarrass him and shame him… I don’t know where he lives I’m not interested and wouldn’t physically stalk him even though on tinder he’s 5 miles away from me. I’m not a threat to him I just wanted to hurt him
I just wanted to know if you were my friend
You say “all I wanted to do” as if this was all innocent, lighthearted behavior. You did way too much and need to understand that. I’d say you and I are acquaintances honestly. I think the same of my coworkers, and I see them all the time. I can’t think of any solid friend I have that I haven’t known for several years on a personal level.
I didn’t mean to.
Saying you didn’t mean to isn’t an apology, nor does it negate or erase what’s happened, the damage has been done. If you really want to right your wrongs then start by just doing better, aka the opposite of what you were doing before. I feel like you’ve poured all your pain into how you’re feeling about him, and made him the source of why you hate living or don’t feel good about yourself. Could you say you were perfectly fine before him? You had no negative thoughts, or any of the mental issues you’re struggling with before meeting him? Come on. You were troubled and feeling down about yourself before you even met that guy, and it shows when you’d put something in your bio about just being a placeholder. He was most likely just the first guy to question you, and show some sort of care, which is a sad situation that so many women face. You felt that with your counselor, with your stepbrother, just having a man show care. Except in this case, romance was on the table, which in my opinion created a whole different element to the situation. You felt like you needed and deeply wanted a man’s love, and you thought he’d give you that. It was hurtful and disappointing when that didn’t happen. I think it devastated you in a way you couldn’t, and still can’t, handle.
Yeah… I feel devastated because I thought he wanted to… I was incredibly broken before him because I had gone through something similar with a firefighter guy who cared for me but said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and I held on because I thought he wasn’t ready just stressed with his job but he said he didn’t want to sleep with me because he didn’t want me to be hurt or in my feelings if it didn’t go further… that hurt to hear.. it hurt so bad that I told him that I hoped he died in a fire. He got a girlfriend 4 months later and he married her soon after… that hurt me deeply so that’s why I just wanted to play the sleazy slut placeholder who just wanted to entertain you until you moved on. That’s why I chose to be that…
I feel stupid for talking to him. It just hurts all over again.. and it’s not about him not being interested in me it’s about how he went about it. I felt hurt by how he dumped me.. I felt he didn’t care about my self esteem or mental health when he made me feel like he did.
You couldn’t understand how that feels
The only thing that should make you feel “stupid” was that placeholder mentality, because it was degrading and you didn’t need any lowly titles to make you feel even more down bad than you were in the first place. I wish I had the words to make you not center men how you do and just focus on yourself, but it’s like you refuse to step away from that. Don’t get me wrong, men can do a number on you. But you’re supposed to learn from these experiences and you just don’t seem to wanna learn.
Yeah ik… I think the only thing I can do is make the feelings coexist.. I know I’ll never get my confidence up because I still have feelings for him and I’ll always compare myself to trans women because that’s what he really wanted all along… knowing I’ll never be enough and never be enough for him… I choose to not be intimate with any men. I feel emotionally safe being lusted after by them I just have to learn to not get my feelings involved. That’s the lesson I learned
He’ll love her and he’ll never love or care about me
You just have to learn to focus on yourself. I don't know why that’s so hard to do. Every decision you wanna make for yourself involves men and it’s insane. Nothing is just solely about you, for you, meant for you. It’s just men and you decided how you wanna deal with them next. Makes no sense.
I don’t know how to not compare myself to the trans women he’s attracted to… no matter how hard I try to feel about myself I feel stuck on how he treated me and I think about how he’s treating some other trans women better or he would love them because he didn’t see me as good enough…
He doesn’t care about my wellbeing and would rather throw my life away because of he couldn’t be just a little bit more decent…
He never cared about me
I can’t compete with who he wants… I can’t be a trans
Do you believe he might want to be with a trans woman? You can be honest I’ll move on
How do you know?
What proof do you have? You really actually think he liked me ever? Was he jealous of the pics I posted?
Because I feel like you don’t give me a legit reason to why? Especially if I have shown you some evidence
Because I’ve been here from the start of these thoughts even conspiring, until now. We have discussed every angle of this, from you coming across that one profile he followed and what it’s turned into now. All of these stories I’ve watched unfold and if I were around initially to know any better, then I wouldn’t know better. I’ve watched you take one thing and transform it into something entirely different which I’ve just chopped up to your own version of self-soothing and appeasing yourself. All of this has to make sense and you won’t stop until it does, even when it doesn’t. He’s not interested in giving you the answers so you just create them for yourself without any influence or input from him. We have talked about this until I was blue in the face. There’s just nothing more to say. I don't know how you can’t seem to remember any conversations we ever had about it, and I’m guessing that what you do remember just doesn’t suffice. Nothing ever does.
So if he’s not giving me the answers then I could be right all along
I think he gave you adequate closure at that time. Since then, you’ve gone on this wild goose chase of stories, and that’s been since that door closed. Therefore, your thoughts aren’t his problem. Since giving you that closure, you’ve done nothing but stalk, harass, accuse, and turn yourself into someone he’s safest avoiding.
So what proof do you have?
If you don’t have proof you don’t have an argument or the right to say no you don’t think so yet I’ve seen things that leans towards trans attraction
Or maybe it’s because I think it’s true
You refuse to see his red flags
Think what’s true Holly? You’re so fcking naive!!! GOD
He said the right things to try to sleep with me and you can’t argue that!
Hey, calm it down. Don’t get all up in arms and frustrated with me for addressing what you said. You said:
“Or maybe it’s because I think it’s true”
Then I said:
“I already know you think it’s true”.
So are we addressing the same damn thing or not? Flying off the handle for no mf reason, chill out.
You’re the outlier in this. The only one who thinks he’s such a good guy with no ill intent…. Okay Holly. He is genuinely not a good man who can’t take sexual rejection and becomes emotionally abusive because he wants to fuck me with no commitment
That’s highly dramatic. Never once in this entire time I’ve known you have I put him on a pedestal or called him such an amazing guy. Never ever. You are taking it upon yourself to interpret it as that. I don't know if autism is something you’ve ever been diagnosed with but that is exactly what I envision when you go this route with our conversations. By definition:
“Autistic individuals often process language literally, focusing on the specific words used rather than implied meanings, non-verbal cues, or tone, which can create communication barriers.”
This creates a double empathy issue because you are having a hard time understanding what I’m communicating to you and vice versa. So whenever I even slightly disagree, you go on the defense and attack me when there’s no good reason for that shit. I should be able to tell you that I disagree without you spiraling like this, demanding proof, acting like I’m praising the man, you don’t know how to look at what’s being said through a realistic lens and that’s hugely problematic. Not just for your conversations with me, but anyone else, whether it’s a coworker, family, or someone else online. In fact I think online is the worst, because rather than having these things said to your face, you’re looking at a bunch of words.
I could be autistic
He told me I misunderstand everything he says. How is that? Besides the sex thing being I was purposely doing that to push him away in the beginning
I definitely think it’s worth looking into Chels, and I mainly say that because of the huge disconnect between what’s being said by someone and how you interpret it. It could also be why he felt as though you misinterpreted what he would say. Because when I read his texts to you, he was genuinely trying to set a tone and give you peace of mind. Doesn’t make him the greatest man on earth by me acknowledging this.
You took him showing any sort of initial flirtation as him just wanting to get it in, when in reality that’s not always what that way of speaking is supposed to carry. If a man lightly flirts, it shows attraction, and you wanna know that the person showing interest in you is interested.
If he got into sexual talk — it would be different. But he didn’t do that, you just read those words and applied them to superficial, outside examples. In my opinion, you were more unfamiliar with men around that time.
I think to better understand why you misunderstood things, you need to understand yourself, and you don’t. Let me ask you this — what are some things you’ve learned about yourself since this has happened? Whether it was diagnosed or not.
I may be autistic but one thing I don’t want to keep arguing about is how he is a player and he said the right things to get into my pants. He never genuinely liked me.. I was just a challenge and when sex wasn’t offered he demeaned and devalued. I don’t want your rebuttal. That’s exactly what happened
Who’s arguing? I disagree that he solely wanted sex, and we have the messages to confirm all this. You can keep insisting he wanted more, yet he blatantly told you he didn’t it would make you crazier. You have created all this dialogue in your head that hasn’t and isn’t happening.
You accused him of only wanting sex so soon Into the connection and he properly shut that shit down. You had no other or better examples of a decent man except that firefighter. No previous experience with men, only your dad and stepbrother as examples of what to expect. It’s like the blind leading the blind except you’re both parties.
He can point out the stupid thing I said and posted but it still doesn’t mean sex wasn’t his main goal here. How it ended is your proof! He literally said on the date that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. When sex wasn’t offered he changed and it has nothing to do with getting crazier because when you love someone and care about someone you make them feel safe emotionally and mentally you don’t throw their mental health back in their face.
He wasn’t trying to bang you Chels! He said it himself! He ended it because the date sucked and you were already acting unstable, as he stated. You were already making accusations, already being fuckin weird. There’s a reason you don’t have, never have had, and cannot keep a man to save your life. You don’t know what to do with a man, don’t know how to behave, on top of having mental health crisis’s and issues you stopped addressing. Your head is fucked all the way up.
He wasn’t trying to bang me BECAUSE HE didn't WANT ME TO GET ATTACHED!!!
How he ended it was in giving you closure AFTER you already ha your friend cuss him out, blew up his phone, had your mom call, you were being weird and entitled as fuck. A week and some change of knowing you and you made him responsible for protecting you mental health when you aren’t even protecting it yourself! Him, a stranger, you were so overly eager for male validation and care. He didn’t even know you yet he’s responsible for so damn much. It’s crazy.
I already know what the next line of questioning would be: “if he didn’t think I was crazy would he have wanted to hook up?” The answer is maybe! You’ve got to have some physical attraction to someone you’re interested in, doesn’t matter how respectful of a person you are, it’s normal to want the person you find attractive. It does NOT mean all you want is sex. Think of a totally virgin couple waiting for marriage - they want each other, they like each other, but they respect the boundary of waiting because they’re interested in more than JUST that. This man matched with you, which means he found you attractive and you Vilified the hell out of him for simply that.
Agree to disagree
So let me ask you something. Do you really think he genuinely liked me or wanted a relationship with me?
I’m agreeing to disagree on our differences on the matter.
I’m going to counter argue that. When I said that I wasn’t looking for anything and I couldn’t give him what he wanted. Why didn’t he respect my no? Let’s keep it a buck. He felt rejected initially because I explained that I wasn’t looking for anything serious or sexual because I didn’t want to be used. Those were my words exactly before we exchanged numbers.
Instead of him saying okay I understand he asked questions and wanted to know why
You’re right. I should have just moved on and not let my emotions and feelings of rejection take over
I was just trying to win him back and I wish I knew that I had bad mental health and got appropriate help
If you really mean that then it’s fine that you’re having this realization, but now you have to decide what comes next. Otherwise you will be back here in the next few days, asking something about him or someone else you’ve already talked about. I think it’s time to make progress and move past this. There’s just more to fucking life.
@_Maya_ lol this is us every month 🙄
I do mean it and I’m fighting the urge to not go back but I do want to let it go
Now you can answer my question? Do you really think he was a genuine guy who might have actually liked me?
@_Maya_ our arguments over my guy situation me and Holly… we’ve been arguing for 2 years now
@_Maya_ contact you for?
Oh no I was confused on what’s going on. I want to know her opinion and who she thinks is right
Where is she?
She’s got other things going on but I’m sure she’ll be back soon. This song about rightness, but go ahead and speak your peace, she can see it when she comes back. Good thing it’s here, I can clarify what’s right and wrong. We are keeping facts in the conversation whether you like or not.
What bothers me the most is you giving your opinion on a man you don’t know personally and you weren’t in my shoes… it just feels invalidating and I see what you’re saying but my thing is we both agree he was a bit of a jerk… but I feel like he was more than a jerk. If some one genuinely likes you regardless of how “unstable “ he felt I was.. he knew it in the beginning and he didn’t take my wellbeing and mental health into consideration on the date. Some of the things he said made me feel confused and demeaned and he only became a bit of a jerk when I said I wanted to wait for sex… which let’s me know he was going to hit it and quit it.. his actions alone proved that. I feel that he manipulated me and used my vulnerabilities to make it seem like he was interested to see if I would bend my boundaries and have sex with him even though I clearly stated before we exchanged numbers that I was protecting my emotional and mental well being and sex was not what I was looking for.
You’re giving his words wayyyy more credit than his actions and that’s where we keep clashing
I don’t need to know him personally, you don’t know him much better than I would, given how short of a time this was. How much can you know a man I a week and some change? I don’t think it’s jerky to decide that you aren’t romantically interested in someone, Chels. He did nothing to you and you’ve turned it into so much drama.
Holly what man on a date FIRST DATE ask you “when were you last intimate?” When you ask him he smirks and looks away. “Does your father know you post those pics? “ or when he joked about me using dildos… throwing my mental health back in my face by saying “ I’m scared to sleep with you because you’ll be crazier “ …. All this coming from a man I admired and wanted to be with and I felt so hurt by him because in the beginning he made me feel like I could be loved… and I know that’s not his responsibility to make me feel loved but a man loving you/ wanting beyond your fault is beautiful… and he made me feel like he could or he wanted to
Why are you so fucking impatient? Like I said, we are waiting for Maya. It’s so incredibly frustrating even reading you lay the story out like this. You’ve strayed far from what all happened. I’m not saying he didn’t ask inappropriate questions but it came after a good contribution from yourself. He did not just ask all that on a whim, but we’ve got to dive alllll the way back to clarify that. So sit tight for once.
None of that other shit matters … this is the main thing
Okay Holly we will wait
You want to be internet sisters?
I don't know think about it
That’s what sisters do 🤷🏾♀️
Dude, that 💩 is funny. It sounds like you needed some alcohol.😆 and if you had some, it sounds like you needed a whole lot more.😆
What?
It sounds like you're dating a brain dead retard. He turns to bad AI because he doesn't have a brain.
He’s a software engineer he’s into ai
Apparently not a very good one if he thinks ChatGPT is good.
That was 3 years ago
So now he's unemployed like 25% of software developers who are looking for jobs at McDonald's and shit? It's rough out there.
He’s not lol
Well that's good I guess.
Opinion
0Opinion
That is very odd. Seems like it yeah
@HollyK21 he’s put me through hell! What does that not matter? Omg you really are still naive not to see that this man was not a good man and he never wanted me. He never had the intention of being with me. I so hate when you stand up for him. He shot my self esteem and he was emotionally abusive
I get that I didn’t know what I wanted but that doesn’t excuse his treatment and his deception behavior
If you really think a man who didn’t want to tell his real name had genuine intentions from the beginning you’re stupid I’m sorry
Chels I’ve never said your feelings don’t matter, I’ve validated this hundreds of times now. It’s just time to move on. As I said before, there never would’ve been a safe or correct way for him to end things because you didn’t want it to be over. He tried giving you closure, tried ending things respectfully, yet you’ve stalked, harassed, obsessed over him. Created fake profiles, for his friends to see. He’s threatened legal action, I just don’t know how much more will get you to let this go. It was one date, you knew him for maybe 2 weeks and that’s me giving it some grace. Let him go.
I don’t take anything personally you say about me anymore, but I don’t think it’s fair to call me stupid. He clarified even before the first date that anything he said carried no sexual connotation. He didn’t make any sort of move, or flirt during that date. It was awkward, you were quiet, you let him carry the conversation, order your meal, it was just bad and he wasn’t feeling it.
@HollyK21 it carried no sexual but he said he didn’t want to invest time in me if sex wasn’t involved and decided to devalue me when I said I wanted to wait for sex… uh okay
He never said that, and I hate that you’re distorting the truth in this way. You had in your bio that you wanted to be a placeholder, he asked what was the point in carrying on if it wasn’t going anywhere. He told you that you were too unstable, which I already have agreed was wrong of him to say, it was incredibly rude. But you’re trying to paint this picture that he just wanted sex and that’s not ok, I have those messages he sent and he has an entirely different take on this than you.
@HollyK21 then why did he leave? Why was he upset after I said I wanted to wait until marriage?
He wasn’t upset about you saying you wanted to wait until marriage. Flags were already raised when you were accusing him of only wanting sex in those text messages, which he clarified by saying his texts carried no sexual connotation. The date contributed, because it indeed went bad based on the things I’ve already mentioned. I think nail in the coffin was you having your friend cuss him out, getting your mom involved, this is a lot of hostility and anger over such a short period of time.
I think he planned to ghost, which I’ve already said was wrong because ghosting is not ok. But since you kept pressing for conversation, he ultimately gave you the closure of ending things officially. Yes, I know he offered to be friends or basically keep in touch, and you have taken issue with him not living up to that countless times. But to me, that was just a consolation prize and he ultimately was done.
You’ve already been diagnosed with certain mental health disorders, but at the time they were not diagnosed, so unfortunately you were just coming off as “crazy” or “unstable”, and that’s a lot for someone to sign up for. I think you dissociate quite a bit when it comes to your diagnosis which is why I chime in with the facts. Not to hurt or hinder, not to invalidate, but to keep steer you away from these delusions. That’s what this has become in a big sense.
You’re having a lot of different emotions right now I know, from not talking to your step family, the drama with your cousin, work, your mom, etc. And I know you’re trying to navigate that the best you can. But going back to these places of hurt and reliving them is not helpful, it’s hindering you. I can’t tell you what to do and I’ve never tried, I just suggest you keep trying to find the professional help that suits you best, and focus on your betterment solely. Posting these topics are ultimately a waste of other peoples time, and your time, because you aren’t ready to move on from and I don't know when you will be. This is all just seriously concerning, it’s slightly better handled than before but still not by much.
@HollyK21 Holly he was living a double life and was ultimately sleeping around with transgender women…. If he knew I was unstable he should have never gon on a date. If he slept with me he would have left
I’m trying my best to untie my feelings from him and I don’t understand why I can’t. I don’t understand why I still miss him but sometimes I just do. Sometimes I just wish he could make it better. He couldn’t care less if I died.. he’s shot my self esteem and honestly I feel like nursing school is impossible because I just have so much sadness and self doubt. He could call the cops but not just give me one more affirmation
The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion, but you can still contribute by sharing an opinion!
You can also add your opinion below!
