How can I improve my Hinge conversations and build romantic momentum?

[MYaccountislearning]

I’m 21 and trying to improve my Hinge conversations. I’ve had around 26 matches, but many conversations ended after only a few messages. I’m wondering whether I ask too many questions, flirt awkwardly, come across as too forward, or fail to create romantic momentum.

I’ve attached anonymized examples of my messages, including gaming conversations, compliments, profile-based questions, and date invitations. Some examples may show good intentions but awkward wording, while others may show me moving too quickly or not expressing myself clearly.

Please give me honest, constructive feedback. What patterns do you notice? What am I doing well, and what should I change? I’m open to uncomfortable criticism and can provide more examples if needed.

[MrChinaski]

I haven't read past your first block. My extensive Hinge experience is that I've had one chat and have a second date next week... so I guess I'm doing it okay.

Honestly, you sound like you are playing a game where you feel you are weak, need to trick the interlocutor into liking you, and don't take the experience seriously.

Basic approach to human conversation:

1. Open with a genuine compliment. Flat. Don't try to spin it. You have an incredible smile is fine. Or whatever it is that ACTUALLY drew you to the person. "If I'm cute, you're stunning" is a joke, it's indirect and meaningless.

2. Find an interest you have in common and exchange genuine views. Again, presumably you feel you like this person because you see some common basis from her profile. If you can't connect on common ground it's never going to work. It it doesn't work, thank her and walk away.

3. My standard question in almost all informal social settings is: What uninteresting thing about you are you strangely proud of? It invites deep disclosure in a safe space of their choosing. That will tell you something about how they see the world, what they value, if they take themselves seriously, and so forth. It could lead the conversation almost anywhere... go with the flow. If things aren't going well, thank them and walk away.

Otherwise.

4. Ask her out. Don't ask her to ask you out. "I've enjoyed talking to you. I would like to get a coffee and talk more" is good. "Would you want to... " is bad. You've got to find the cojones to say what you want. Sure if she says no then it will hurt more. So what.

You're not there to pass time. You sure as heck aren't there to talk about call of duty. You're there to find a time and place to meet. One objective.

[MrChinaski]

FWIW I'm tired of online dating already after 1 week. It makes humans fungible. I don't want that in my life.

[MrChinaski]

Just to clarify my points above. When I say serious, I mean talking with purpose. Humour is great. Meandering indicates you are not serious.

[MrChinaski]

Sorry *what unimportant thing about you

Major typo there.

[Levin]

I mean, you're simping.

Saying they're so beautiful and being apologetic for your existence.

Tell them they're beautiful and women will be like, 'yeah, I know. I'm a fucking Goddess. You fucking bow! You ain't shit motherfucker! I own your ass already.'

Bit of teasing and push pull is best.

My advice, you're thinking how you 'should' talk to women rather than how you actually want to talk to women. Talk to women like you want to talk to them. Don't be scarred of allowing your groin to do a bit of the talking, provided you do it in a playful and subtle way.

I mean, actually, dating apps are all shit. So good luck to you either way.

[MYaccountislearning]

I appreciate the honest feedback. I can see how some of my messages come across as overly complimentary or apologetic instead of confident. I’m probably overthinking how I’m “supposed” to talk and turning the conversation into an interview.

When you say teasing and push-pull, could you give me an example of how you’d rewrite one of my messages? I’m trying to learn how to flirt more naturally without coming across as fake or disrespectful.

[Levin]

Tbh, don't ask me. I'm hopeless.

But tease, make fun of. Remember that they're just people like you. You elevate them too much. I sometimes speak to some spiritual American youtuber and I will make fun of her for how she pronounces certain words suck as herb (or erb as she says) in my inimitable dry English way. She seems to lap it up.

I'm sure you can find this sort of content on youtube.

Of course, don't go the other side and be too contrived or a knobhead. Some targetted compliments but don't be too nice all the time.

But yeah, you can be specific on the basis of what's on their profile.

Let me let you into a little secret. When I was on tinder one time, some little brat was talking to me. Being a brat, she was sort of testing me. She was definitely the hottest girl on there. Like a super baddie. Anyway, I flipped the conversation by doing just one thing. No text, no nothing. Just a picture of a belt off google. She started sending me nudes soon after...

But yeah, I mean, I don't have any time for dating apps so good luck to you.

[MYaccountislearning]

its a he respond

2:25 PM

Yeah, I get what you mean. I definitely have a habit of putting women on a pedestal and overthinking how I’m supposed to talk to them. I’ll try to relax more, tease a little, and focus on actually having fun with the conversation instead of trying to say the perfect thing.

I appreciate you taking the time to explain it, even if you consider yourself “hopeless.

[Levin]

Yeah, and if you do it in real life it'll really differentiate you. Try and strike up conversations if you can. It'll push you forward so much.

[queenofcardio]

From what I'm reading, the conversation doesn't seem natural. I think initially you're coming off too strong, and some women might not like that. You can be direct without sounding desperate

[Nikki1989]

It is just Hinge.

A big meaningless waste of time.

[MYaccountislearning]

Yeah, that’s true for most dating apps I agree. I definitely overthink Hinge more than I should. I appreciate you being honest with me though—it actually gives me something to think about.

[Anonymous]

We need to see an entire convo. This is not enough to go on

[MYaccountislearning]

Thanks, I appreciate that. Here are a few other examples from my Hinge conversations:

“Hmm… I’m the same way. I try to shut up sometimes because I yap too much.”

“I especially talk a lot when I’m tired.”

“I saw you caught a bass in your picture. Where did you catch that?”

“How long did you sit there waiting?”

“Is it stressful working as a nurse?”

“If I had to pick one, it would be Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Have you ever heard that one?”

Do these sound like normal conversation, or do they come across as too many questions and not enough personality? I’d really appreciate your honest advice on how I could make messages like these better.

[Abbycado]

Just gonna spam this, huh?

[MYaccountislearning]

I only posted this post once on this platform thanks you!

[832loverboy73]

Get UNHINGED !!!

[Anonymous]

be in the game, a lot