My boyfriend offered me his exes engagement ring? is that weird?

[b61983]

He bought it for her in 2004. they barely brok up in 2010. we stared dating in 2011. I got pregnant wth his baby in 2012 and am due in December this year. they were together for ten years. I guess he asked her to marry him in 2004. she tried on the ring and said it was too big. so she told him to get it sized and when he comes back to come back with a better proposal. he said she wanted some lavish proposal in hawaii tyoe thing and he took that as a turn down, thought she was a "b*tch" for complaining about his proposal, said he'd get it sized, but never did becasue he was over it. a couple nights ago I was making a joke about buying a huge cubic ziconia to make my 1st daughters father jealous. that's when he told me that he has a diamond ring in his jewlry box and I should try it on. I obviously asked why and he gave me this story. I'm now wearing it but I'm having a hard time loving it. its beautiful, but he didn't buy it for me. Even though she never officially wore it,it still makes me feel wierd. he hsays he has no emotional attachment to the ring and its just a ring. I want to tell him to trade it for somethng else. but I'm scared because I don't want him to just do what he did to her, to me and sya OK, but never do it and then I'm outta luck. should I just accept it and get over it? or tell him ill go with him to trade it fomr something that was meant for me?

[Anonymous]

Tell him how you feel. It sort of sucks, because yeah, the thing's probably not worth a quarter of what he paid for it, huge markup on rings, but he still shouldn't be giving you something that was intended for someone else. If you just leave it as is, then every time you look at the ring, you'll be thinking about her and the fact that it was meant for her.

At the very least, he should have the diamond put in a new setting. It's only right.

You shouldn't be afraid of telling him. His girlfriend didn't turn down the ring, she turned down the proposal. She wanted some sort of high-class Hawaii thing. You didn't do that. You accepted his proposal, you just don't feel right about the ring.

[TheUglyOne]

It's tacky to say the least. Alright I get that he doesn't want to toss away an expensive ring. But seriously, recycling rings is tasteless. I would have at least pawned it off and used the proceeds for a new ring suitable for my new partner.

If he's cheap and tacky in this way, what other ways will he be cheap, tacky, thoughtless?

Having a kid isn't a deal breaker for ALL men. As men get older, available women WITHOUT kids becomes increasingly rare, so either a guy has to accept a single mom or risk going alone.

[b61983]

i will have two kids by two different guys if I leave him. I cant. THATS tacky and gross and shameful, and now your probably going to say something mean. maybe, maybe not. part of me thinks he's just kinda stupid and doesn't "get it." he DID say if it didn't fit that we could take it to the jewler and get the money and get something else, I just don't want to be a picky b*tch and lose the whole deal...ya know. but, maybe ill just take him up on the offer...i dono

[TheUglyOne]

lol no, I won't say anything intentionally mean.

OK, then, how is he in other ways? Was this ring incident the only blooper?

If he's good in other ways, then it was just a one time thoughtless act. Take him up, you should get a ring that's "you".

[b61983]

well he takes care of my daughter like he's her father. that's pretty awesome. he didn't HAVE to do that. When I made the joke about the cubic ring, I think he was just "not thinking clearly" and thought he'd just say "why buy a cubic, I got a real one if you want it." and maybe just wasn't thinking so much about the big picture. I think we should just go get one that's for me. I just hope he understands.

[TheUglyOne]

That's good, and important too. Probably knows like I do being a stepdad is fun.

Okay, this is more looking like a lapse of judgement on his part, happens to everyone once in a while.

Go for getting a new ring. The only time I'd use another woman's ring was if it given to me by a grandmother lol.

[b61983]

ok, yeah, that makes sense. and It looks like that's what Ill be doing...thank you very much

[Darkfairie17]

I would feel the same way. It's perfectly acceptable to feel the way you do. The ring was bought for another person, why can't he just trade it in and get something else?

I think if he loves you he will understand. You aren't asking for a lavish proposal in Hawaii, or a really expensive ring. The only thing you want is a ring that is your own with no history.

Something that is special to you two. I think if you explain it like that to him he will understand without being upset.

[koolit6]

He obviously didn't love enough to get it resized. And why should you be afraid to have a reasonable fear? Id say don't ask for it traded just give it to someone you care about. Maybe your daughter tell her to keep it for the money purpose when the value of it goes up. By the way You are VERY justified for not feeling right about it.

[Fishka]

I wouldn't even try it on. It belongs to the past. For me such things are very remarkable. Trade it for something good for you. Good luck.

[Frostie]

it was it is. A ring is just a symbol. other chick rejected it, never took it. so he was right to keep it. although it depends on you. If someone rejected a gift, then I'd keep it. its like offering money, oh she doesn't want it, OK I'll keep it and either use it on myself or someone else. the fact he gave you the ring means more than you may think. Material items come and go. Sure its corny, he was honest with you, he didn't lie, that speaks volumes as well. but he doesn't seem like the person to care about what you have, but more so who you are. My 2 cents.

[Frostie]

it is what it is* bleh f***ing typos and auto correct.

[Hal2002]

He needs a kick in that ass. What kind of creep is he, that he would offer you another woman's ring. Are you so unimportant to him, that he could not be bothered to get you your own ring?

That is just tacky, if he had been married before. Would he want to use, the same wedding rings too.

[Snow123]

Totally agree 100%

[Pixi999]

Just tell him that you want him to buy something while having YOU on his mind. And that this ring reminds you of that woman. Say it it gently and I am sure he will appreciate your honesty.

I agree pregnancy hormones do things to you lol... But even otherwise I would feel uneasy having to wear that ring...

You are not being difficult...no woman would want second hand stuff of ex'es..

[supersean123]

I don't think it means he doesn't love you. But that's just the kind of man he is right now. If you have an issue with it speak to him to see if maybe you can pick out a new ring together and sell your current one.

[b61983]

ok.

[Shameneyes]

wait I don't get this... Did he ask you to marry him or did he just give you the ring to make your ex jealous?

[b61983]

both...

[Shameneyes]

If he asked you than tell him you want a different ring. It is as simple as that. Don't get to sensitive about the matter. If I were him I probably would have done the same thing. I mean it is is a perfectly good wedding ring that no one has ever worn. Just tell him that you are sentimental and the thought of his ex is engraved in the ring. He should understand if you just talk to him instead of throwing the ring back. It sounds just like a stupid mistake.

[b61983]

if I threw it back in his face, I would want to kick my own butt if I were him. Would you let it bother you? or would you just getover it and accept it and just be thankful for it? I'm 6 months pregnant. I don't want my stupid hormones making this decsion. I wouldn't throw it back, id just say, hey lets go see if we can get a different one. but maybe that's even too hormonal? maybe I should just swallow it, the same way he swallows it when I have to see my ex to exchange my 2st daughter?

[Shameneyes]

I'm not a very sentimental person... but it is a ring that you are going to wear for years a constant reminder of his ex would not be pleasant. I say take the stones out and buy a new band... you can either sell the old band or melt it down into a nice pendant... well, that's what I would do. I wish I could recommend you to a good jeweler though :/ Make, sure that you go to someone that has a good reputation, because some try to replace stones with fakes and stuff (>.>)

[b61983]

ahhhhhh OK. well, that makes me feel better. I will sublty ask / suggest we go do that and make it more personalized for me. thank you so much. it helps really

[Shameneyes]

no problem :)

[Mtsmith]

My answer. Go use the stones (maybe add something, depending on price) in a new setting you do tpgether. Save money, no longer the same ring but one the two of you made.

[stewartdent]

He should get you a new one. If he cannot afford a new one he should sell that one and get a new one. Even if the new ring is not as lavish it will still be yours not hers.

[Anonymous]

I don't think he could trade it in at this point. He is stuck with it. I get where you are coming from, but I think you are over thinking things.

[b61983]

That's kinda the answer I "want" to hear. sometimes I think way too much into things. soemtimes I just don't know what the "right" thing to do is. I kinda wana say something, but, I just don't want to be like her. I feel like I should just swallow it and be thankful for what I have. I just hope I can get over it, and I stop tripping out. I look at it and think it wasn't meant for me. its juyst a weird feeling.

[caligirl3]

well she never actually wore it, but I would sell it and buy a new one

[Anonymous]

He can trade the ring and lose very little of value from trading to a reputable jeweler. He is a bad guy if he is trying to give you the same ring. If I were you I would of dumped him

[b61983]

how does it make him a bad guy? and I can't dump him, I'm pregnant and living with the guy. and he's not a bad guy he just did a dumb thing. he takes care of my other daughter like he's her father. he just wasn't "thinking right"

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. You are probably right. He should of just sold it and said nothing.

[b61983]

yep, he shouldn't have told me ANYTHING! and now I gota deal with telling him to go return the darn thing and get me a new one. I feel like that makes ME the tacky one...

[Anonymous]

Forget his lame ass and move on. Let him pay child support. Lots of guys don't care if you have a kid.

[b61983]

i don't wana break up. I just don't want this ring. its not fair. We live togetehr, I can't just move on.

[Opinion Owner]

You can move on unless you are that weak you need another man to validate you breathing and living. He is a piece of crap as a man to offer you an xes ring.

[b61983]

ok. ill give it back then.

[Opinion Owner]

Smart move.

[Anonymous]

I understand how you feel, I would feel the same. If you really love him, and he loves you too, tell him the truth. I hope he doesn't take it harshly but I'm sure he will understand. best of luck!

[b61983]

im hoping we can get money for it and buy something that had me in mind while doing it.