It has a really small sapphire and the band has no design. When he asked me what type of ring I wanted I told him I'm not picky. He said "That's why I am with you." I just didn't know the ring was going to be this small. My mom called it simple and the jeweller described it as small. When we wen't back to the jewelry store he joked and said "Don't look at the all rings I can't afford." We saw an engagement ring just like mine but with a different color. He asked if I preferred the other color. I saw online that my ring is a lot cheaper than the other rings, it is 450 dollars. Should I bring it up to him that I don't like my ring? Does my ring look cheap?
My boyfriend got me a really plain engagement ring. Is it something I should bring up to him?
If you can return it, I would suggest you do so ASAP and get his money back.
If you want a larger ring, I would highly suggest moissanite. It is a synthetic diamond, but in some ways is superior to a diamond. Some of the highlights of moissanite:
1. Much more affordable. This 2.5 carat ring is about $250:
2. They are more durable than rubies or sapphires, only slightly less hard than diamonds, which are renowned as being one of the hardest substances on earth. Diamonds ratling on Mohs hardness scale = 10. Moissanite rating = 9.25. Sapphire = 9. Topaz = 8.
3. MORE brilliant than a diamond. Some people actually complain that moissanite sparkles too much! It is like a beautiful prism or disco ball on your finger, the fire inside shines so amazing.
4. Conflict free. Diamonds are part of a very ugly trade which often involves human suffering and abuse. There is no such issue with moissanite.
I know a lot of people are giving you grief about being shallow and wanting something bigger or nicer. I think it's okay to want to have something you are proud of and that people notice. I suggest you look at these search results on eBay for moissanite rings and find a couple that you like that are under $500, and ask your boyfriend what he thinks. My guess is he just wants you to be happy. https://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_from=R40&_trksid=p2380057.m570.l1313&_nkw=moissanite+engagement+ring&_sacat=0
I got my fiancé a 4 carat total weight engagement ring, F clarity, VVS1, moissanite ring and she LOVED it. Her friends noticed it a lot and she was very happy with the size and how it sparkled. The price was reasonable, less than $5,000. A comparable diamond ring might cost $30K-$50K, and no one you don't tell or that isn't a jeweler with a loupe and/or diamond detector isn't going to be able to tell the difference.
PS do be circumspect about who you buy from, clarity, occlusions, and of course the metal it is mounted on. There are some terrible rings/vendors out there you want to avoid.
Also, there isn’t much value in a moissanite. Say if you wanted to make it a family heirloom, it won’t be worth much at all, whereas with diamond there will be. Just something to think about
@anniisa97 diamonds are actually not worth that much, either. And moissanite is the next hardest thing to a diamond, so it will last as long as a diamond (forever) and can be a family heirloom. Unless you are really looking for family heirlooms that you want your ancestors to sell? But that sort of defeats the purpose of an heirloom?
Yes that’s what I mean. I understand that Moissanites are just as good as Diamonds in terms of quality but they aren’t valued as much if someone wanted to sell them. If I carry on a family heirloom it’s also going to be as an option to sell so that if they end up in any serious financial problems, threy will have something to sell if it comes down to it. So that’s one of the things keeping me from wanting a moissanite although I’ve been interested for a while
@anniisa97 it ain't 1920 anymore, have you ever watched the movie blood diamond... do yoy have any clue how the diamond market really functions.. you go to a pawn shop with a half cartridge diamond ring... what you thing you're really going to get for it? You're not even thinking about what this rings supposed mean, its all about what its worth and how much you can sell it for later... which why men should never buy into this bullshit tradition perpetrated on us by jewelers. Like there is ever any money in that. Well yes, there's money in it for the person who didn't buy it in the first place... but you'd you're never get near market value on reselling or panning a diamond ring.. You'd probably going to get more for the gold then the diamond. Nobody buys diamonds from pawn shops, and legit dealers don't do second hand diamond sales, unless you're talking serious diamonds and we ain't.
This why its a bullshit response to a bullshit question
@anniisa97 I have a different vision for heirloom, which would be something valuable to my family heritage, but not necessarily valuable to the public. A toy chest built by my grandfather, or the table built by my great, great grandfather for example. To me, a moissanite ring is perfect. I'm not thinking of my ancestors being homeless and what they can sell to survive. If it's gotten that bad, heirlooms are the last thing to worry about. I would save the money, buy a moissanite as a forever piece, and put the money saved into smart investments. Not jewelry of any sort, which depreciates, be it diamonds anything other than precious metal like gold. (even gold is worth less as jewelry than it is as a base commodity, as you lose value paying for the crafting of it)
@DaveJord I’m sure you’ll know all about the 1920s, boomer. I do actually, I know Diamonds aren’t worth as much as they seem. Different topic. Why do you old lonely men love to talk down on random women on the internet? What it means? Lol
@anniisa97 Actually your assume too much, I am 45 and not a lone... or lonely. Maybe your self conscious and not as secure as you think if you got to jump to mansplaining accusations to make yourself feel better.
I'm with you 100%, Sir -- your advice, in essentially recommending that she be a manipulative, materialistic bitch is well taken -- especially considering that it's guys exactly like you who are enjoying sex with women like this on the morning of their wedding day:)
I am so sorry that you are in this situation I feel your pain I feel worse for everything that you're being called you're not ungrateful and you're not anything of those cruel things these people are saying you made an honest mistake at the time when you were asked about you opinion on rings it is clear you did not have an understanding quite yet of what you did or did not like. You are indeed in a predicament. There are a few things to consider of course his feelings but also yours and furthermore honesty it's the most important thing in a relationship. Another thing that a lot of people are wondering is this engagement ring also to become your wedding ring because that is a huge game changer. Which tradition are you following are you going to remove this ring and place it on your other hand? Will this ring be replaced by a permanent wedding ring or is this the ring to be your forever ring? Will this ring forever more represent your marriage? If this is the final ring 100% and there is no other wedding ring except to add a wedding band then I 100% feel you must speak up. I bought an engagement ring for a man which was also to be his permanent wedding band. It was 14 karat with diamonds I bought it on a sale so I could not return it. He didn't like it and it hurt like hell. He wanted something in a different color. Despite it hurting I understood it was more important that 1st He wanted to marry me and 2nd I knew I wouldn't be happy knowing he was wearing a ring he didn't like just to please me. I know it's going to hurt but you must be honest and let him know how you are feeling. Be gentle and considerate. The key factor here is will he be able to get a refund on the ring. If he can that solves a lot. You both can select a ring that is equal or less than the price he paid.
374.98 With protection plan 299.99 Without
Sapphire Ring under $400 You are in a hard situation. Be honest and be gentle. You must acknowledge you made a mistake. You were naive at the time and did not realize what you did or did not like when it came to engagement jewelry. Keep in mind if he cannot return the ring the best situation would be to keep it. If you are able to exchange it in the same store consider looking at sales. If You you find a ring which costs more and you absolutely love it then you should cover the difference. Another circumstances where exchanging it is not an option and a refund is not an option then you should discuss with him the option of you keeping his ring to honor the sentiment behind it but buying and paying for your own of your liking. Take this as a stepping stone a learning experience if treated gently and with consideration and most importantly honesty you can both grow from this.
Well written, or you could come to realization thats its about love and how good he is to you... and honesty the ring has nothing to do with that.
So person here @meetkitty123 gave a very well written and kind response that gives some type of way to back out of it... but like she said this was your mistake and you have take responsibility for it.
But let me tell you the truth from the guy prospective, he bought you that ring because he thought you were the type of women that would appreciate the simplistic beauty... thats the ring HE picked out and that the ring that will have meaning to him. Sure you can be all tactfully and talk your way out of it... but know its going to be ungrateful and next ring will have no meaning to him... except that you didn't appreciate the first ring he wanted and got you as a symbol of his love.
Well, you shouldn’t say you’re not picky, then proceed to pick the ring apart. He chose something he thought you’d like, so you can’t really knock him for that part. As far as the cost, that’s really up to you to decide if it’s going to be troublesome or not. On one hand, some would argue that your engagement ring should be a visual representation of the love and commitment you have in your relationship. For some they’re meant to last through the test of time, to be passed on to possible children or loved ones, and while it doesn’t have to be a thousand dollars, but require effort. On the other hand, the ring he chose does not mean he didn’t put in effort. It’s one thing if he makes great money and chose an inexpensive ring. But if he’s a hard worker, and this is the best he could do, then that should mean more than the cost. A ring is a material possession to represent the strength and beauty of the relationship between two people. So while it’s ok to be proud of an expensive ring, I dislike the idea of cost being attached sacred bond such as marriage.
It's small. Maybe that is all he can afford at the moment. He can always buy you a new ring someday when he has a better income — assuming he will.
If you want to tell him you're not happy with it, you have to be very careful. Sit him down and pour your heart out to him. Control your tone and body language. Make sure you do not sound disappointed or make him feel like he isn't good enough.
You need to understand it won't be easy for him to hear and that he might get defensive. You absolutely DO NOT want to match his attitude by getting upset yourself. Show him kindness and sympathy and it will gradually become easier for him to accept that he didn't deliver this time.
You could say something like: "My love, I want to tell you something, but I'm worried it might hurt you. Will you listen to me? I'm sorry, baby, but I can't help but feel disappointed with the size of the ring. It would make a lovely Valentine's or Christmas gift, but I was hoping for a little more out of an engagement ring. Please don't hate me. I love you, but the truth is I only like this ring because it came from you."
"It has a really small sapphire and the band has no design. "Sorry, but that sounds picky as well as ungrateful... Did he not try to ask you what type of ring you wanted? Why do people make it all about how much he spends on the ring, than what the ring is supposed to mean... How much someone loves you shouldn't be determined by how much the ring cost or how many diamonds it has... Any anyone that sees it that way maybe they shouldn't get married till they get what love/marriage is really about.
EXACTLY!!! She says she isn't picky and then goes on and on about every little thing about the ring. Why can't she buy her own ring? If she wants something else
@Whatever2929292 why not put more importance on the man, than the ring he buys🤷🏼♀️I mean that's what it's supposed to be about... Spending your life with they person... That should be far more "valuable" than any ring no matter who buys it
You're right about that. It should be their love for each other. As she said if she really does not like the ring and is asking if she should bring it up then yes they should communicate. But YOU ARE EXACTLY RGHT
Thanks Brains & WhatTheHeckkkk. Nail right on the head: Superficial and self indulgent. Oh boy, I'd love to be a fly on the wall when she explains that to him 😵🤷
The question is whether he can afford more and you feel insulted by his refusal to spend the money, or whther this is all he can afford and you will feel embarrassed showing this ring to family and friends.
He doesn't even need to spend more. They could in theory spend less and still find something that pleases both of them. They can work this out they need to be patient and gentle most important honesty is need but with respect.
Well unfortunately if you are this bothered by it, then I feel sorry for you. Here you have this totally awesome guy that you totally seemed to have been very happy with... until he bought you a ring. So sad to me, that these things matter so much to women, because the biggest asshole, in the world would of probably spent like $5,000.00 on ring and you're telling me that would of made you happy?
Yeah you should tell him, because he probably deserves better than you. Definitely tell him, he has the right to know what kind of women he is engaged to.
Engagement rings don’t have to me a million bucks. The wedding ring is the one that people like to wear daily and “show off.” As of right now, I can see this becoming a big issue between you two. I don’t think you value his efforts, because he shouldn’t have to break his bank on a ring that will be replaced by another ring. I think you should tell him though, maybe it’ll bring up a very important conversation that needs to be had.
Well I suppose I understand where you are coming from now... It depends on which tradition they choose to follow. My engagement ring is my wedding ring.
Yep! It definitely depends on which tradition people follow. That’s why I mentioned my family’s tradition - A lot of women in my family who do not wear their engagement ring stacked, they usually wear it on their right hand or keep it in their jewelry box... Generally because the engagement and wedding ring don’t match and look a bit off when put together. Lol, but yeah traditionally, people wear them together!😊 It’s awesome that your engagement ring is your wedding ring, that’s actually very smart
You should be proud to wear your fiancé's ring. You told him you're not picky and now you're being picky about it. Why? Is that the way you want your marriage to be? You tell him one thing and then complain when he does it?
You're putting way too much emphasis on what others will say about your ring, rather than accepting it for what it means... his love and commitment to you.
Things to Ponder: Okay, he's already playing around with your and other perception of you. This is the tip of the Iceberg. --Is he simply a cheap SOB or one who is without training. If without training, 1. Do you think you can change him?, 2. Are you willing to endure the embarrassments, as well as shame and guilt within?, 3. Are you resolute with the fact that he may never change?, 4. Do you realize that you are stuck, in the eyes of God, once married?
$450 is objectively 'cheap' for an engagement ring.
Unless he has extenuating circumstances, unemployment, supporting his relatives, makes minimum wage, or budgeting for a down-payment on a house in the very short future (within the year), I would probably be disappointed by a lack of financial planning.
A good clarification question is whether or not he would drop a similar amount of money (or more) on himself and his hobbies. I personally wouldn't want my engagement ring to compare to his next 'gaming' set up or seasonal hobby splurge.
This doesn't make you a gold digger, it just makes you want to feel secure knowing that you're with a real man who is willing to plan, and value you/ your dream life over what material comforts he can buy himself for the next 1-3 months.
I would bring it up to him that you want more. I would however not start the conversation until you know exactly what ring you want. Find the ring you actually want, know the price, and be willing to chip in half or all of the difference since it's a pain to return the old one and then put more money down.
You want to emphasize that you want the marriage AND the satisfaction of getting a ring that you're proud to show off. It'd easy to make mistakes on that sort of thing, but (general marriage advice) he has to be willing to do what he needs to make you happy. If roles were reversed and I bought the wrong engagement watch for my man, I would fix it in a heartbeat.
You aren't even talking a wedding ring. The wedding... And all that other stuff. She is free to buy a new ring. she is ungrateful entitled and picky even after she said she was not picky
Well since you do the ring thing, he has to buy a wedding band, then throw a wedding, then a honeymoon, then a down-payment on a house. Perhaps not just one but two cars. He said don't look at all the rings I can't afford.
We don't know you or your history. Does he have a history of being miserly where you know he is being stingy? If yes, then bring it up. It isn't so materialistic in that it is a gesture that can feel linked to how your mate values you and how excited he is about the commitment. But again, there's all the other stuff to pay for. You know.
If you are a fledgling couole whonis starting your future together and he did what society expects him to do within his means, I would advise you to look at the bigger picture.
It is a lovely ring. It is plain. I think if the band were embellished in some way you would have been satisfied. I sense you wanted a larger stone.
Couples (well women) do have rings beefed up once their financial situation improves. If you are there for love and companionship, maybe be patient until you can do that?
One of the best parts about being in a relationship is that you have a bond that is so beautiful so tight so close and you can kind of read each other's minds you know how much money each other has you know what you're saving for you know what your goals are maybe buying the house maybe buying a car maybe paying off school loans but the best part is there's a verbal commitment and that is something beautiful you know as you grow together and get older and you become a success in life and one day he might just show up with this beautiful beautiful big Blu ring that he wanted to get you but he couldn't afford it at the time because of all his other commitments I think it's beautiful ring it's what the ring means it's not how big the ring is I had a girlfriend once I was truly in love we're walking through store when doing this we're walking out there was a bubble gum machine and it has rings in there about five rings I had five tries the very first ring I got was the one that I wanted where to where and she wore that ring everyday for four years is what the ring meant to the both of us She didn't care if it was real she didn't care if it was big she cared because of how it happens and in that moment everything that happened it was something beautiful and special I did buy her more jewelry at the Rings bracelets necklaces the ring she would wear every once in awhile but she always wore that first ring every single day
The ring is tiny and inexpensive. Though you said you weren't picky, it's clear you did not want a $450 dollar ring. I think you need to sit down with your fiancee' and tell him this isn't what you expected and you're unhappy with it.
Most engagement rings cost several thousand dollars: usually 2 or 3K. Did you discuss this? You might be able to get something for far less from a pawn shop and something considerably more beautiful than a new ring. Something with character and some history.
But you need to be honest with your man. And he needs to be honest about what he can afford. If needs be, you can wait to get a better ring later or you can kick in some of the money for what you'd like. But I think in this case you'll need to be flexible.
Engagement rings are usually powerful signals to others: they represent the value a man considers his bride to be for him and an advertisement to the public of that value and of his showing how much money he's willing to spend to SHOW OFF.
If that's what you expect from him, you need to be crystal and say you're not picky about most things, but this isn't one of them.
Thai’s comment section did not pass the vibe check.
to be completely honest it’s quite untraditional. If the only information he had was that you didn’t mind much I feel like he should’ve gone a bit more safe. From what was shared in the post it seems like he just went for price. If he took some time to shop around - which I hope he did, I’m sure he would have found that a lab grown diamond or moissanite rings come in various shapes, colors and sizes. They can be absolutely beautiful, they’re ethical and cost just as much (or as little) as this one. Even if you didn’t want a traditional looking ring I do think he could have found something much better than that.
It’s not an ugly ring at all, it’s just a unique style. And the part that sucks is I feel like he should know that if he’s about to marry you.
To be devils advocate though you didn’t give him much to go with.. if you had even a slight idea of what you wanted. I think you should have at-least shown him a couple pictures of something you like.
It’s also worth mentioning that this happens quite a bit - returning a ring and repurchasing one is common practice so don’t feel too bad about it.
If you want a certain type of ring in the first place, then you should have told him that when he asked. Why pretend to be cool with anything when actually you aren't? You had to go asked your mum and a jeweler for their opinions, so that they can agree with you that the ring is plain. And then you had to go online and compare prices, and tell us that the ring is cheap.
My advice, since the ring is such an eye-sore for you, return the ring back to him. Tell him you want an expensive ring, with carats and everything, and that you will only accept something that is above $5k. Proceed to break up with him because you know he won't be able to afford that. After breaking up, go find yourself whatever sugar daddy you want to satisfy your luxury taste. Your boyfriend deserves someone better than you.
Brutal but this is it right here.. If I read a post like this from my fiancee I'd first wonder how this even worked out for so long and then probably just end it.
Why is it an issue? He wants to marry you, and made an effort to buy a ring with the little amount of money he has. Is blue is your favorite color or sapphire is your birthstone? If so that means he put thought into it. Cherish it.
If you wanted a specific type of ring or assumed he'll go above and beyond just because you think you're a catch, then your hubris and assumptions are going to be your downfall. Listening to outside sources on how to manage your relationship will erode your relationship from the inside out like a cavity. Communicate. If he's on a budget then get a pretty ring with gem stones that look like diamonds instead or whatever; they have plenty on Esty, or you can go to a pawn shop. Next time, talk to him first and be upfront.
Seriously? This man asked you what you wanted so he could get you something that you’d be proud to wear, you accepted it and now you don’t like it cause others called it small? My ex husband started calling me his fiancé 2 years before he ever even attempted to buy me a ring or even ask me. The only reason he finally got it was because I told him if he’s gonna call me his fiancé I better get a ring to go with it. I even went on the website for my favorite hometown owned jeweler to create a one of a kind, gorgeous ring that would never need to be upgraded because it was perfect from the start. The ring I designed was going to cost $1500 with all the warranties, insurance, custom sizing and shipping to our door in a week and despite us having $25k in the bank I got told no because it was too expensive. I said fine then I’m not your fiancé. It took his mother telling him how much of asshole he was being for him to take me to a major chain jewelry store in the mall and allow me to choose a ring from the case that was a price he was comfortable with. I walked out of that store with a ring I hated that cost him a whole whopping $700 by the time taxes, warranties and sizing fees were added in. Had we not had an extra $25k lying around I wouldn’t have even asked for what I wanted. Had he gone out and picked something out on his own and chose something based on what he knew I wanted my ring to look like, I wouldn’t have cared what it cost. All that would have mattered is that he loved me enough to make it meaningful for me and put some thought and heart into it. If the meaning and love he put into that ring is only based on the amount of numbers in the final price, then you should give it back and allow him to find someone who will appreciate that he cared enough to make sure he let her know just how much he loves her.
One advice… show him lots of pictures of the ring you love… communicate!! If you can’t communicate this before getting married… how will you sustain a marriage that requires both to work to make love?
I love the color and it’s super cute. if you two are truly meant for each other… the love, bond and support through time to become more financial staple will help with the next ring. That you both go pick out together… say 5-10 years anniversary ring. I actually don’t heard love from your end. Maybe this is not an ideal match.
If he can not spend a lot there are some really amazing beautiful rings on Etsy for much cheaper.
My husband got me a Moonstone wedding ring on $100 on Etsy, it's perfect to me. Plus you can choose different colors.
I think you should be honest with him but gentle. Ask him if he would not mind you looking for one with him. Tell him that you you didn't think it would bother you but wanted to see other rings that you might like better around the same price or less if that was okay with him.
It's up to you how you want to approach this just be honest and do not beat around the bush. Also be considerate of his feelings. The fact that he even said don't look at those tells you he wishes he could get you a nicer ring.
Also wanted to say your ring is actually really beautiful to me too, but if you mind it and would prefer something else then communicate with him. There is nothing wrong with realizing you were wrong about how you felt.
Make sure you get him a band he likes my guy didn't like my first pick we returned it and got one he loved, we even bought three more just in case something happened to it. ❤️
Oh yeah and make sure you know what to look for in rings, you want to get one that won't rust or scratch and look for reviews for pictures so that you know it's good quality. The best part about Etsy is there is a wide selection of unique styles stones and value prices. And most are hand made!
I mean if I was in love with someone and they proposed with this
I quite literally wouldn’t care, I mean the man I’m in love with has just proposed!! I mean yes there are rings out there that I like but it’s not a huge deal. Then again everyone is different. If you marry a poor man don’t expect it get a big expensive ring and if you don’t know each other’s financial stuff then it’s odd you’re engaged and don’t know that.
Well if you don’t have a lot of money then go for something that isn’t expensive until you could afford it. If my partner and I didn’t have much money I’d rather him buy a band like the one I posted. The ring doesn’t make the marriage… you don’t need a massive ring or an expensive one.
@Whatever2929292 nah if this was a troll to you, you're just lacking a sense of humor. That's cool though, if taking everything seriously and get butthurt works for you do you boo.
Is he working? Is he in school? Paying off student loans? Has he bought a house already?
The first time I got engaged I had nothing. Literally. I bought her a ring that was about £100 and it took me months to pay it off on finance. In fact when we broke up I took it back to the jeweller and they bought it back at £60 which just covered the outstanding finance
When I met my wife I was on a disability pension that allowed me to spend more but we married for each other, not money.
I spent £12 on engagement ring for my OH, I've told her that very openly. She dosen't care. The sentiment of getting engaged is what matters, planning a life together. Sure I could spend much more on a ring, but I'd rather use funds on the house we're buying, or on our kids, or on a holiday. You sound a little ungrateful and spoilt. If you don't like the design thats something you can discuss with him. But getting fixated on what it cost seems like you're missing the point of what it symbolises.
I think honestly you’re a bit pretentious, since you gave him freedom to buy you whatever you want. He bought this because it was ok for him and maybe he can’t afford more. I don’t want to justify him whatever it takes since maybe he’s greedy like Scrooge and tried to spend as less as possible. I just want to remember an engagement ring or a marriage ring are given as a token of respect and to symbolise the event, they don’t have mandatorily be opulent and rich, my parents had only a simple golden circle as marriage ring. I think you shouldn’t think about the monetary value of your ring, since a marriage monetary value is equal 0: all that’s important is the sentiment.
Superb Opinion