Guys want to sleep with me but not date me!

[tothebeach]

I never get asked on dates!

Sometimes I will sleep with them (and they do come back for more), sometimes I will just kiss them and nothing more, but either way they don't ask me out.

I'm not considered dumb or annoying (though dumb annoying girls get dates!)

What might I be doing wrong?

Updates

+1 y

I'm glad to hear of others in the same boat as me! Though I am 30 now and I've never met anyone my age that has as big a problem as me.

A lot of people have said don't sleep with them - I don't sleep with every guy I meet!

Could I be giving off wrong vibes?

I am considered sexy/attractive, and have been told this makes me hard to approach.Should I dress more girlie and less sexy, even if its not "me"?

I am very well educated and travelled etc - could this be intimidating?

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for all the replies. I met a guy a while back and we got on so well, I felt a lot of chemistry & people saw the spark. Didn't sleep with him, though he wanted to, but still no date. So like I said, it doesn't seem to matter how I play it!

[MrOracle]

Every girl deals with this. The difference is that many (most?) girls don't have sex outside of relationships, so most of these guys will find that out, lose interest, and move on.

A lot of guys have figured out that women want male attention enough that many of them will agree to sex outside of a relationship if the guy makes it clear that's the only way he'll give her attention, even though the girls really want a relationship. But by doing this, they give the guys all the power, and none of the responsibility. Guys get the sex they want, but without having any limits or responsibilities that normally come with a relationship. So, why would they WANT a relationship?

The answer is that many guys still DO want a relationship, but they are outnumbered by the ones who don't. And the ones who don't are made up of the most attractive/confident/popular guys, because they're the ones who can use those attributes to get easy sex from girls without any commitment.

As a girl, what you need to be able to do is quickly determine what a guy is really looking for, and if that isn't a relationship, you need to dump them and move on. Yes, that means you'll be dumping a lot of guys, and a lot of them are going to be attractive guys that you'd really like to date. Do it anyway. If you get weak and give in, you'll get a reputation as "easy prey" and other guys will try to get the same thing from you.

You have to be willing to let guys go, even attractive ones, and focus only on those willing to be in a relationship with you. If all girls did that, guys would quickly rethink their "no relationship policy", but with so many girls giving up easy sex, guys have gotten used to getting away with it.

[Freetobe007]

Best answer

[tothebeach]

I agree with a lot if this,I will usually give in to sex because I want sex and companionship (I'm 30 and sex is no longer as taboo as it was when I was a teenager - I have needs just like men!)

But it seems that NONE of them will date me - ie not had a date in 5 years, not even a random approach.

7 months ago I met a guy and there was loads if chemistry and we got on SO well. We kissed but I wouldn't sleep with him, even this guy didn't ask me out.

[yopyopyop]

The "I have needs" excuse is just self pitying.

[MrOracle]

Don't be afraid to initiate, and as I said, you may have to go through a bunch of guys to find the ones who want relationships, so that may mean you have to initiate more. Don't just wait for the few who find the courage to approach you.

[CatholicVirginia]

It's a terrible shame that this was very good advice.

[Moloch]

Third paragraph hit the nail on the head..

[Speno]

@CatholicVirginia For guys who want a relationship but are less attractive/popular, it is a shame too, because a lot of girls will go after the guys who dont want a relationship without realising it, again because more popular guys have less reason to date.

[red324]

Why would they waste time and money on a date if they figured out you will sleep with them without one? Now please don't get mad at me I'm just stating the truth. Try dressing conservatively. Don't show off your boobs and don't wear short shorts. Just wear say a normal t-shirt and jeans. Keep it simple. (guys love that) Also if you are as gorgeous as you say you are then yes a lot of guys aren't going to have the balls to go up and talk to you but you can make them feel more welcome by shooting them a nice smile. Not necessarily a full grin with teeth but more of a closed mouth smile. Otherwise if you're like all the other hot girls that look bitchy and unapproachable then the guys going to think I want to approach her but she's way out of my league. When you notice guys staring at you when you walk by with a blank look this is what they're thinking. So this is why if you see a cute guy just kind of flash him a slight smile and look at him for 3 seconds or so and then go back to what you were doing. Yes a well educated woman can be intimidating for a lot of guys and this is one guys like to go for the "damsel in distress" type girl cause the guy has and easier time of being the leader in the relationship. Hope I helped, and get best answer:P Good luck!

[dmkc0804]

I can tell you this from my personal experience. I have been in the same shoes as you for a while. The reason guys only see a hook-up in you is that they get intimidated or blinded by your gorgeous physical appearance at the first sight. This automatically puts you in the category of women who have good looks (vs. intelligence) as one of their main attributes. And chances are, if you say "no" to sex and guys still don't ask you out, sex is all they wanted from you from the start and the very reason they approached you. I am not saying all hopes are lost that someone will show up and express a completely different kind of interest in you. It will just take a while. 99% of guys have no fear when it comes to complimenting you on your looks by showing their physical attraction to you. But, it will take some time and waiting for that 1% to come up to you as well and ask for something different. I myself look sexy, attractive and get hit on a lot every time I go out. Does it matter to me whether someone wants to date me or not? Not at all. I do not say "yes" to hook-ups, but the attention I get from guys does boost my ego. I am happy with the way I am, regardless of what it is that guys want from me. Know your worth deep inside and keep your head up high, gorgeous! Eventually, you will meet someone who will know it, too...

[pinkflower]

My opinion, I think you should handle your self to not just say yes to them who asking you for sex.do not make your self look 'easy'for them !

If they want u, they will chase u!

And do not easy to say yes for sex!

If you want a relationship , but if not and you just wanna have fun ,u doin the rite thing :)

But better just hv sex with one person, not change every time :)

Good luck ;)

[Hidden_P]

My friend had this problem.

Her problem was she was sleeping with too many - not every guy she met, but it was enough for her to get a reputation.

She stopped sleeping with people and focused on herself and now she is recently in a new relationship.

Also... sounds cliche but the woman can ask the man out too!

[Hidden_P]

@update, keep going the way you are. You will lose the reputation. Just because he didn't call doesn't mean you can't.

[BobbyD]

Haha, oh man.

I can't speak for all guys, but I know which girls require effort to have her. And most girls are not with the effort.

Those that are, I ask out.

And some girls that I can shag without asking out, hell I'd still ask out. But you know what stops me from that? If I see them mess around with other guys.

I'd only ask out a girl that I'd actually want to date, not someone who I just want to break in half in bed.

In the end, it comes down to being on the same wave length as me.

[tothebeach]

I don't get why I'm not worth the effort! (Though I don't like the thought tht it would be an "effort" to date me). I've met a few guys recently I get along with incredibly well, still no date :(

[BobbyD]

Now you're looking too hard in to the words I say instead of the context.

When I said effort I don't mean it in a forced chore sort of way. I mean investing in the relationship.

Let me ask you, have you been trying to attract men? Because all the girl's I've gone for I've fallen for who they are. Not the cheesy forced awkward conversations they have with me at parties.

I look at them when they know I'm not looking. And that's what I fall for.

[tothebeach]

Ah OK. I suppose I do try to attract them, but I just mean I dress nicely. I'm not a great flirt.

[BobbyD]

Be yourself. You wan't men to come naturally to you.

Trust me, a natural attraction can't be explained. Infatuation is almost metaphysical.

[tothebeach]

They do come to me, men are wry attracted to me, but only for sex! Whether I say yes or no to sex I don't get dates, that's the thing!

[BobbyD]

I'd only ask a girl out if I have a genuine interest in who she is.

We date people who are interesting, partly because we're in love and partly in hopes we can learn something from them. Maybe you radiate nothing but sex?

I know girls who are really sweet girls, but they don't know how to play their cards. They get frustrated and then just let any guy take them. Such a waste!

Anyways, whenever you say yes to sex the men automatically thinks he won. When you say no, the men lost.

[Freetobe007]

No offense sweetie, but it appears you have ruined your romantic reputation.

I can't see any other reason why after you try dating first then sex later, things still don't work out. I'm worried that word has gotten around about you being easy and now guys generally don't view you as dating material but more as hook-up material : /

[tothebeach]

This is a fair call, but I don't sleep around! Maybe people think I do? And I've lived in different towns over the last 5 years.

[Freetobe007]

hmmmm maybe it is about the way you approach situations with the opposite gender? Maybe there is something missing from your approach...? A valuable ingrediant that guys view necessary to want to pursue a girl seriously?

[stubbsy]

Your sleeping with them before you date them, so insist on a date before you will cosider sleeping with them, then you won't be considered easy,x

[tothebeach]

That doesn't seem to work either though :(

[stubbsy]

it will if your consistant, your respect will rise and the demand of respect will also,x

[justme20]

maybe its the type of guys you attract. Maybe take initiative yourself and ask a guy out you like. Don't have sex early on and don't give into their wants

[elfmasta00]

judging how many girls are, put on more clothes and read more books.

[tothebeach]

Haha, I just saw this. I have a law degree and am half way through 2 science degrees at the moment, while also working full time, with consistent high distinctions. I couldn't read more books if I tried :)

[hotcaribbeanbarbie]

sadly we all have to deal with that, you should state your demands from jump. I started that and I have weeded out the f***tards

[red324]

Then basically you just weeded through another guy that didn't actually get to know you. That's good cause that way you got rid of him before you had sex with him and became too attached.

[yopyopyop]

Chose your guys better. And don't let sex happen before you've been dating for a little while.

[BobbyD]

Cover up them t*ts, but let men know you've got a nice pair.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should dress less sexy and also, obviously guys won't date you if you just sleep with them. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

[Anonymous]

meeting the wrong guys, or you could be easy which isn't necessarily dumb

[Opinion Owner]

here's the thing. girls always think they are intimidating. more like they look trashy and may come off as brash and aggressive and masculine. not saying that is you per se but if you dress very sexy you may not attract men who want to date