How to know if a girl is a drifter?

[Felix012]

By drifter I mean a girl who finds another guy if the guy she's currently dating no longer serve her purposes. I'm now dating who I suspect as a "drifter", because I was that other guy. She used to date this guy but she was flirting with me, then she just ditch that guy and now is currently dating with me. She also had one previous date, which was a failure in the end.

What's unusual is that she still show signs that she likes me. She has low self-esteem issues. Plus she has depression because of a chronic disease.

Regardless, What are other signs that a girl is a drifter? Is she even a "drifter"? Should I escape from this girl now?

[kholland65]

I think there are 3 ways to tell.

1. Does she have a narcissistic personality? Many times these girls have this diva mentality, like they know their hot and act like they can run the world because of it. Typically this comes about because their used to people (especially men) bending over backwards for them just because of their looks.

2. Does she have a history of having a lot of boyfriends, especially in rapid succession. If this girl has had 20 BF's and 4 of them occurred in the last year, then she's just dating who ever is the hot flavor of the week. Nobody falls in love 4 times in a year, unless you are one of the luckiest people on earth, and by love I mean actually find someone who you really click with and are compatible with, not dating someone whom you are just using like a toy.

3. This sort of goes along with number one but the final question to ask is, is she controlling and a bitch. What also comes along with this diva mentality or a drifter, is that she knows (or at least thinks) that her sh*t don't stick and that guys are lining up to date her. As a result she isn't afraid to lose a guy because she'll just take the next one in line. Girls like this will try to control you, with the idea that if you aren't willing to deal with her bullsh*t, then she'll just find the next guy who will. Obviously a girl who isn't like this would be a lot more fearful of losing you because she doesn't feel like she can walk out the door and have another boyfriend in less than 24hours.

[-0x0-]

heh, that's where I am with the current girl I'm seeing. When I met her she had a boyfriend but a week later apparently they've broken up and she's with me...

Had told myself not to pursue her as I didn't want to steal another guy's girl and I wouldn't want the kind of girl who would do that but she's done that herself.

I'd say just enjoy the ride. Don't get too emtionally invested and expect too much but meh, you can still have some good times.

[tarkan]

For me, you should leave a girl if she dated you because she thinks you have more money (aka gold digger) or fame. Did she drained you? But what if she left her previous boyfriend because she really falls for you? Things like that happened you know? It can be that she's really a drifter like you said, but it could also mean that she really loves you and her ex boyfriend was just a total jerk. Do you know why she broke up with her previous ex? Do some digging around, on how they treated her. She will definitely have some emotional issue, I mean come on, who doesn't when they know they're having a cancer (especially if you know if it cannot be treated, one day you will lose you hair because of chemo and might lose your boyfriend because he wants a normal girlfriend like other people?) So my suggestion is, do some digging around, on how her exes treated her, and why she broke up with them. If it's proven she just hop from one to another because she's a gold digger, then leave her. Just don't leave her before you get to know the truth yourself. Better late than never... Most importantly whatever decision you will make you will not regret it if it's not like what you think.

[RoxyKAy]

If you get them in a dirty way, you'll probably lose them the same way. Meaning if she started dating you because she got tired of her ex it's logical to expect her to leave you when she gets bored.

You can leave her now; or you can stay with her and enjoy your time with her even though there's the possibility that she'll drift again. But don't stay with her if you know you're going to be jealous and controlling because of your fear of her drifting.

Don't use her low self-esteem and her depression as an excuse for her drifting. You deserve respect.

[Felix012]

Wise words there. I'm thinking of backing off now

[eaeaea]

Wasn't even aware there was a name for that...

Anyway, if she left some dude for you, it's prone to happen again.

I never think it's a good idea for people to initiate a "serious" relationship with someone who left their boyfriend/girlfriend for them, because it means they will most likely do it to them too. It's predictable.

[eaeaea]

:P Thank you for BA!

Hope things are going well with that situation.

[LJHam]

You writing this question proves your instinct is trying to tell you something, but you want outside validation from others. Just listen to your instinct. Trust it. It will NEVER steer you wrong. The only reason you want validation is because you like the girl and you don't want what you suspect to be true.

Besides being with someone who has low self-esteem is going to eventually be a drain on you and you'll want to get away from her then anyway. Spare yourself and her the wasted time and emotion by walking away now.

[Felix012]

I like your answer. Sounds like you have experience of being with someone with low self-esteem.

[LJHam]

Actually I was the one with low self esteem and I look back on my relationships from my younger years and can see now why my boyfriends left me. And it was understandable that they did, I don't blame them considering the way I was. Having your happiness depend so greatly on another person is complete death to a relationship.

[Felix012]

Lol. Damn. I better be cautious dating with low self-esteem women. Tell me if this question is irrelevant, but do you play mind games a lot when you were with those boyfriends?

[LJHam]

No mind games. But my first HS boyfriend I remember trying to use guilt trips to get him to do things I wanted him to do. An ugly trick I had learned from my mom & hers. Thankfully I recognized what I had done and made a promise to myself not to use an underhanded method like that again.

[Prof_Don]

Follow your instincts...and think about how you met her.

She "drifted " to you. Imho, the slightest bit of rocks and trials in your dating adventure, she'll "drift" and show interest to other guys while still being with you.

The key ? imo is: is this REALITY something you can accept?

[Anonymous]

That is more like she found someone better. A drifter is either a gold digger or someone who get bored easily. Usually the person NEVER invest their full self in a relationship in hope of getting bigger fish. How do you know? History and personality (kind of like a cheater)

[Anonymous]

Basically any girl that actually has long term relationships is going to be like this. Your best bet is to try and woo one of the extremely picky types that have unrealistic expectations of men. Its sad but the taken girls tend to be easier than the ones that are single. If you were a woman and wanted to be in a relationship and were attractive youd be in a relationship.

[ManaX]

'If you were a woman and wanted to be in a relationship and were attractive you'd be in a relationship.' I beg to differ, nothings that easy (unless you pickup any guy off the street).

[rougecerise]

Well, if you are worried and don't trust her, you should exit the relationship now. Can't be healthy for either of you.

Good Luck!

[mattiee]

history repeats itself

[Anonymous]

what kind of disease does she have?

[Felix012]

Cancer, which is well maintained