Could you date someone with bad social skills?

Question

Ok.. So I loved this guy that I met. But... he does not have good social skills. He wouldn't pick up the phone or text. He doesn't know how to talk in groups. I took him to a Xmas dinner and he kept criticizing the host on his house renovations. It's really embarrassing. Could you date someone with bad social skills?

madhatters4 · Accepted Answer

sure you can date him, but you're going to have to find subtle ways to alter this behavior. What's excusable at first is just obnoxious the longer it goes on. You for a while people will excuse him because you like him, because he's new... but the as time goes by people will start to feel as though he isn't making an effort to be a good person.

It's a tough spot to be in but you will have to be the person or at least one of the people who try and gently and considerately workk on modifying these behaviors.

I have a friend who dates a guy who does these kind of things. She's talked to him in private about it and he admits that he often doesn't realize what he's doing is wrong. But he likes her a lot and doesn't want his bad social skills to ruin it. So while she is patient and understanding she pinches his wrist when they're out in public and he says something inappropriate.

But be gentle when addressing this so he doesn't immediately take offense. Tell him you like him (perhaps love him) and want people to see the real him. The person that you love and don't want them to think he' sjust some jerk.

Good luck

rotinaj10 · Accepted Answer

Social skills can be groomed.  Be the yoda to his luke skywalker.

EntropicDecay · Accepted Answer

I absolutely hate it when someone is embarrassing. I don't think I would be able to date someone with absolutely no social-skill. It's one thing to be shy, but it's another entirely to be inappropriate and rude in public. If you fumble on your words, blush when talking in front of a public, or if you don't seem to do much conversation, it's absolutely OK. I have nothing against shy guys and girls !

But if he keeps criticizing the hosts, disrespecting others, not giving a damn about others, it's a no-no. That's not being shy, that's being a douche.

I need to be proud of the one I'm dating, and there's no way I'm proud of someone who acts like a douche, which is why I wouldn't be able to date him in the end.

Hidden_P · Accepted Answer

Yeah, but the last one seems rude more than bad social skills!

There's nothing wrong with bad social skills but does know actually know what he's done wrong? You could just say "look the host said to me he felt a bit upset by your comments" or something and see how he reacts. If it's "it was the truth" or "good" then that was being rude. If he genuinely didn't know it's good for him to know for the future.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think it should be alright. I don't think I have good social skills but I know once I get I know people I'm like the greatest person to be around.  The only thing I can tell is try to talk to him about the embarrassing, rude things he does. Because you said he's very shy, when he gets nervous he probably just talks without thinking first. I do that a lot then regret it later. It's okay everyone has flaws.

yengesi · Answer

I have voice mail, and text messages wait, so I don't pick up the phone until I'm ready to listen to messages. I have it for my convenience, not so that I can be at the beck and call of everyone else in the world for their convenience. I talk in groups that interest me, but most don't and I don't see any reason to force a dialogue with people who bore me. I wouldn't criticize a host for their home renovations, but I wouldn't hesitate to ask about the rationale and discuss potential alternatives. That would interest me.

If conforming to the rules of polite society in order to please other people is important to you, that's fine. For many of us, pleasing others is not the primary purpose of life.

rocksongwriter · Answer

"I took him to a Xmas dinner and he kept criticizing the host on his house renovations"

If I was with a girl and she kept criticizing the host on their house renovations, it'd be game over - because she'd probably be criticizing me in the future on something (since she has a "critic" personality).

parkway · Answer

His mother possibly did not teach him to wipe his butt. Think about it the guy you drag around with you speaks volumes about you.

What you described is not lack of social skills it is being selfish. Does he not know that being rude may work now but more than likely his actions will make him last in so many situations and first in other. The last one invited and the first one fired.

I don't bring people into my life who have nothing good to say or think of others first.

Good luck,

PhilaPenn · Answer

Ehh, kid of depends. I hate ignorance in general. So, I don't like it when I'm out with a chick who is rude to the waitress, or is just loud in general. That would drive me nuts eventually. Certain skills can be improved upon and some traits are easier to live with than others. I can work with an overly critical girl, but a chick who farts in public all the time would be a deal breaker.

justmesaying · Answer

Ask around for a team building seminar.  Sounds like he is having problems recognizing we all have social value.  If he has to depend on those other people very quickly he will realize he isn't the center of the wheel just a spoke.   If he refuses to grow you will probably not last, because he will alienate you.

Prof_Don · Answer

Once I address the "lack of social grace" to her, and she doesn't make any effort to get better, I couldn't continue seeing her.

Social skills are just that...a skill. It can be learned. Some people may say "but you're trying to change her!" Imo that's not changing somebody.

Markezzo · Answer

Sure you can date him, it will just simply be a bit harder. Like most people are saying, he can improve on those social skills with time, it's up to you if you want to give him all that time.

CasaNorba · Answer

i would. I got bad social skills myself so I kinda see that as a turn on. and because people who got bad social skills don't socialize a lot, that is a plus for me since I don't gotta worry about her socializing with the wrong people

italykam · Answer

I have before and it was pretty difficult. I would say no, now that I have had a negative experience of it.

xyhic · Answer

More like he's comfortable doing sh*t he wants to do. I hate hanging with people I don't know unless its somewhere or something I like doing.

LoveIsChaos · Answer

Yes as long as they aren't full on autistic and unable to relate to me at all.  If you actually liked someone enough you shouldn't be embarrassed.

amatuer_zombie · Answer

it is okay if its your first relationship. otherwise not

asdaven · Answer

Maybe his social skills will improve if you give him a chance and let him get to know you.

dSneid · Answer

Teach him good social etiquette? Let him know when to keep it real and when to go with the flow.

Anonymous · Answer

how the hell did you end up someone like that?    I have no good social skills, and this is perhaps why I can't get a girlfriend. I wander how he did it, he is really lucky or something is totally wrong with you

Opalivian · Answer

If they have lots of money.

IHateBeingaMan · Answer

a lot of guys will, but most girls won't

Anonymous · Answer

I do and hate it

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