Questions: Dating

I’m 27, a vegan, and I’ve never had a serious long-term relationship. I’m a vegan because I grew up in a conservative Seventh-day Adventist (SDA) Christian household. Long, story short, SDAs, especially more conservative ones believe in a prophetess named Ellen G. White and she has a health message where she encourages believers to be vegan and not drink coffee. My parents imparted these ways on me. I’ve tried eating meat here and there, but it’s rarely tasted good or I’m slow at eating it.

The one short-term relationship that I’ve had was with a fellow vegan in the church, but on the 2nd date she ate my food and she never showed me any affection (we never held hands or kissed).

Other girls in the church either had more liberal parents that let them eat meat, or they want a guy that’s not in church, or they want some extremely long courtship process and have ridiculously high standards.

My parents projected a lot onto me growing up. They wanted me to be this superstar academically and stressed education. I never went to any SDA schools because my parents thought their education standards were too low. Part of me regrets not going to one because I feel like I could’ve met a girl who’d like me. But now at my church, there’s barely any girls.

When I look outside on dating apps like Hinge & Bumble, I rarely get matches and dates, but when I do it’s like they can sense something’s wrong with me. For instance, I went on a date with a girl and ordered a chicken pasta out of fear of being rejected for ordering something vegan. I didn’t finish it and she thought that was weird. She ghosted me after the date.

Even had a friend in church recommend her friend outside of church to me. We had a lot in common from liking the same basketball players and teams to traveling to different countries. But she said she doesn’t date any kind of vegetarian.

I feel so behind socially and hopeless. My parents say I’m suffering for Christ so it’s ok. I think that’s a load of crap.

Both genders are guilty of this. However we are (supposed) to get better at judging and/or giving advice as we get older and more experienced.

But I’ve had grown ass woman say some ridiculous things to me in the past. I feel like many of them take a common mental shortcut falsely believing that dating is same more men as it is for themselves (when all else equal). It’s not. Not at all. Not even close.

That’s not say I don’t know women have to deal with some common pitfalls. Many men will lie to women and tell want them just what they want to hear to get their foot in the door. They figure that once a woman catches feelings for them they will get a “pass” on their bs. Sadly this sometimes works if the guy is good at it. But not always. Also it never works out in the long run for guys. Plus it makes women more bitter and resentful to men in general after the process.

But anyway I feel most women who criticize men don’t put the mental effort into understanding the challenges most men face in the early steps of dating.

Most don’t understand how we are expected to take risks and stick our necks out. How we get shit tested. How we usually have to plan dates and usually spend money. How the odds are usually stacked against us. How we are supposed to keep calm and brush off (sometimes nasty) rejection and just move on quickly forgetting about it. How women falsely assume that men run into just as many opportunities as they do. Etc.