Why do some people try so desperately to fit in with the ‘cool crowd’ in school?

[Anonymous]

I have noticed this in school or college especially. Some people constantly suck up to who they perceive to be the “popular group. Some even ditch their other, less cool friends to desperately become something they’re not when it’s clear the “popular group” doesn’t even want them. Why? Why can’t people just be themselves

[InfobotLives]

People feel stronger and safer in numbers, particularly when there is no choice but to be around others. It's easier to be yourself as you get older because you're not forced to engage with any particular group of people. You can choose where you work, you can choose who you socialise with. At school you have little choice but to be around people who may not be of your choosing. So people choose the path of least resistance and the easier life by being part of the crowd. They also seek to gain status through others.

It has always been this way and will always be this way. It's just part of the school dynamic. Fortunately it represents a tiny part of your life overall. Being cool in school is of no value to you going forward in life.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

Youth have a urge to copy competency, status, and success as part of the transition into adulthood. That's only a problem because we shut them in school with each other like a prison. So they're all looking to each other for role models -- and obviously flawed approach.

Consider historically they would be growing up, living, working, and learning around adults all day. Now we shut them in pseudo-prisons demanding they perform trivial tasks -- and their primary model for adulthood in their day to day life is... teachers. Who didn't have an aversion to teachers in school? They weren't respectable adults, everyone saw them as the popo, the authority, here to lecture you about boring trivial shit and then police your fun when they finally give you a recess.

[Bellatris]

Because no one wants to be an outcast. We all need to have friends and fit in, otherwise we'll end up going crazy.

[Asker]

Yeah but quite often they do already have friends, but they’re just not “popular friends”

[Justneedtokno]

Mainly being alone sometimes is a little difficult with you’re doing certain things.

[Justneedtokno]

Thank you

[ladsin]

Because we’re a social species and seek the validation of our peers. If you didn’t fit into the crowd back in the day you’d be dead. Today the consequences aren’t quite as drastic, but it is still and influential driver of behavior.

[Asker]

I get that, but the “popular group” aren’t always the majority, so I still don’t get why it’s so important to get approval from them

[ladsin]

It doesn’t have to be a majority, just the sizable minority. Popular kids in high school tend to be more successful later in life. This is because life is one big popularity contest in some sense. Of course there are breakthrough cases in which the nerd or unpopular kid ends up being wildly successful, but that’s the exception, not the rule.

Kids who are good at interpersonal relationships and leadership or following a popular leader early in life are better at it later. This isn’t odd.

Thinking about it from an evolutionary perspective makes perfect sense.

[Asker]

Thanks, yeah got it. I was in the “popular group” in school and actually most of us hated eachother and a lot of them were mean/backstabbing. None of us were true friends really. So that’s why I find it so strange that people wanna be like popular people. But good answer 👌🏻

[ladsin]

Because you’re a girl, presumably, based on your profile.

Females are just as aggressive as males, but utilize social aggression as opposed to physical aggression that boys engage in. Boys can get into a knock-em-out fight with someone and then be dancing and drinking with the same person an hour later. Girls utilize social power and reputations destruction to undercut their peers. Far more damaging in my estimation, but I’m a fella so I suppose I wouldn’t be interested in feminine aggression.

[fred_durst]

it is trait of insecure people , they always seek for people's validation , they always worry about public image to them
confident people is the opposite , they dont give a fuck about what people think about them , they have no problem to stay true to themselves

[Anonymous]

Because in nature to be cast out from the group is a death sentence.

Being yourself / being different is extremely difficult, especially for young people who may well not even have any idea who they are yet anyway.

[boggboss]

Because people like being liked or being with others that are liked or loved just look how people act around celebrities

[pokerbot]

Humans, and particularly children, are pack animals. When winter comes the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives.

I know I've heard that somewhere.

Gratuitous Game of Thrones image

[AlexanderAnttila]

Why stick with a pack mentality when you can simply be your awesome self and attract popularity to you. Hear Me Roar!

[Anonymous]

They want to go to parties and have fun. I knew a girl who was fat and ugly in high school (still ugly and fat now) but didn’t mind being used by her peers to host parties (with alcohol too) at her house.

[Whtevernever]

The upsides are notable. Popular crowd tends to be more social and charismatic, they know more people. That generally means they have more access and opportunities.

[Kaneki05]

Most people follow instinct that we have as social creatures. I wouldn't though i have more freedom of thought.

[Joshua0213]

Because they need validation. I've always found the "cool kids" to be lame and boring

[NightHawk99]

"Insecure men tend to surround themselves with others like them." - Suraya Hawthorne

"She's totally right, which is why I work alone." - Cayde-6

[ThoughtfulSoul]

Probably because of low self esteem and other insecurities.

[EssenceOfLight]

Social hierarchy or pecking order in social animals world.

[hippio]

I just, be myself, never join any group, but all the group members are my friends

[dpy87]

Because we all need to fit in somewhere. Students don't realize yet those cool kids aren't really that cool and dont know much about the world yet.

[princeofromance]

We all want to be accepted. It hurts being left out of anything in life.

[BLMUSER]

The great philosopher Homer Simpson said, "Popularity is the most important thing in life."

[anylolone]

Because humans are social hierarchal creatures. All social creatures are hierarchal, by the way.

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

Guys know that the popular girl, is the one that he needs to be with

So do women, with men

[Anonymous]

I didn't really try but via my business dealings with them ended up with them

[Anonymous]

because populism matters to people