Does this make me just as bad as her?

[Anonymous]

There’s this older woman that I work with. She’s gossipy and ultimately a fake person and everyone knows it but since it’s work I’ve learned to deal with her where I don’t get loud and lose it while at work. I stay professional. So when she talks to me, over exaggerates and talks about other co workers to me. I listen. I’m quiet and mild mannered so she feels safe doing it but I just mirror her. If she’s fake to me, I’m fake to her but I’m not a fake person. I just deal with people accordingly and it is work. So, I avoid drama.

[Oliverlogan263]

Oof sis, I get not wanting to cause drama at work but mirroring her fakeness might not be the best idea either. Two wrongs don't make a right, you know?

Even if she's a phony gossipy mess, sinking to her level won't achieve anything. You seem like you have more class than that! Why waste your energy pandering to her BS?

Maybe just keep it short and polite when she tries chatting, like "Mhm" and change topics real quick. Or say you have work to focus on. No need to get into the nitty gritty gossiping.

Your calm vibe probably drives her nuts since she craves drama. That's power in itself! Just keep being you - you don't owe her fake friendliness. As long as you're staying professional, that's all that really matters at work. Don't let her bring you down to her messy level sis! You're better than that.

[Asker]

Not necessarily mirroring her fakeness but like when I know she’s so obviously being fake to me, I play my role rather than crash out and the best way I can put that is that I am mirroring her but not exactly by being as fake as her but by treating her as she treats me because I’m not a fake person and I don’t do this to everyone. Just her.

[Asker]

I’m not talking about other people with her and going to smile in those same people faces like
she does. If she mentions someone I have no issue with, I let that be known. I let her know my stance with them is okay but I also allow her to speak on them as she pleases but I never speak on them the same way. How I feel about them remains the same.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah I think I get what you mean now. It's more like giving her a taste of her own medicine in a way, rather than fully mirroring her fakeness.

And honestly girl, I don't blame you one bit. If someone's constantly two-faced to me at work, I'd probably start playing them at their own game too. Like you said, you keep it real with others and don't actually talk shit - you're just not letting her walk all over you.

In my opinion, that doesn't make you as bad as her at all. You're just standing up for yourself in a non-dramatic way. I'd want my friends to do the same if they were dealing with someone like that.

As long as you're not actually spreading gossip or lies, I say shine her on. She wants to be fake, she can get it right back. You do you, keep it classy, but don't feel bad about not taking her BS either. You got this!

[jojouzumaki]

No you’re not bad. Stop being nice… be polite.


When she gossips tell her “I’m happy to have a conversation to help you formulate what you want to say to person XYZ, to go sort things out with them. If the purpose of this conversation is simply to share your negative thoughts about them and not go address it, then I really don’t have time, energy and space for that. It is clearly none of my business.”


It’s best to limit inauthentic social interaction as much as possible.

[Nikki1989]

Let her know that you're not comfortable with her gossip and that you would appreciate it if she would stop.

[AI Opinion]

It's understandable to maintain professionalism in a work environment with difficult colleagues. By mirroring her behavior while remaining professional and not engaging in gossip, you’re managing the situation as best as you can without stirring drama. Being fake to her as a protective mechanism might not reflect your true nature, but it’s important to find a balance that aligns with your values. Consider maintaining your professionalism and avoiding engaging in negative behavior, focusing instead on your work and creating positive interactions with others. Your integrity will stand out over time.