Is it weird for me to wear a diamond ring if I am not married?

[Anonymous]

I splurged on a 10k diamond gold ring with the most beautiful sparkliest 3 carrat diamond on it. I want to wear it on my left ring finger despite not being married. I am hyper independent and don't plan on getting married. it is how I show my independence as a woman. But i don't want other people to judge me the wrong way for deciding to wear it on my left ring finger.

[DishLady]

No. Some people have rings and things passed down to them from their families. There's no reason to deprive themselves of wearing something because of their marital status.

[Asker]

its not just wearing the ring, its wearing the ring on the marriage finger. i just don't want people to judge me negatively

[DishLady]

Who cares what they think. It's your ring and your finger. It's none of their business.

[On_cloud_wine]

That’s my favorite finger to wear a ring. I bought a diamond necklace to celebrate just loving me and my freedom lol wear it flaunt it! Not weird at all

[jamesgoldman]

No, I have a diamond set signet ring on my left ring finger but hey I have a ring on every finger

[abc3643]

Feel free to continue to feel independent.
No one goes to the grave with you.

[Asker]

i plan on having a child at 35, as a single woman

[abc3643]

Don't. Have none.

Remember this:

The best way to maximize happiness is to maximize your freedom - freedom from the judgment of others and freedom from the contraints placed upon you others.

Thus:
1. Become fabulously wealthy so your money works for you and you don't have to work anymore By being securely wealthy, you can survive on your own terms and can remove the constraints of having to earn a living and pleasing/appeasing other people so they give you money so you can survive. As your employees, your money doesn't complain when it works for you.

2. Do not be responsible for the survival of any other living beings. Their survival places constraints on your time, energy, effort, emotions, and money all of which are better spent on you surviving and doing the things you make you happy.

In a sense, I sound like an immature Objectivist asshole and that would be a good guess, but I am not. I fucked myself over in life and will not be able to retire. I am working right now in fact because I hate that I have to work to survive and hate it so much that my productivity is almost shot during the week. Furthermore, the umpteen other beings that I have to care for prevent me getting work done and enjoying what little free time and money I have. And my creditors aren't helping the situation either.

So, take my advice: Live on your own terms with no constraints (so, that includes kids).
Indeed, this is the sort of thing that Buddhists advise: have less stuff and you'll be happier.

[abc3643]

See this picture?
That's my life.
Don't have my life... and that starts with 1) saving your money and 2) not getting into relationships or having children.
despair.com/.../mistakesdemotivator.jpeg

[Asker]

@abc3643

its really sad how people see kids as a liability rather than a gift.

its always been my life long dream to become a mother.

when you are single, have no kids, you have nothing to live for. You go to work so you can pay your bills for tomorrow. Everything feels like a drag. You do it because you have to. But when you have a child, you WANT to work , you WANT to get that promotion so you can better off your precious child.

Children give me so much happiness and motivation. Its so sad how many people out there who dont get any happiness from kids

[Asker]

children give off a happiness that money can't buy. There are many things in life that money can't buy

[abc3643]

I understand where you are coming from and I won't disagree with anything you have written.
I am only telling you what I know learned from The School of Hard Knocks.
And, trust me, there are MANY ways to feel fulfilled in life without having kids.
For instance, I do not have kids. This is partly by choice because, for over 40 years, I could see the shitshow coming that we are now in. I loved my kids and the only way I knew I could protect them from this shitshow was by not having them. But, also, I would have been a good father - even kids here have told me they wished I was their father. So, I do feel that loss of not having them, but I know I made the right decision for their sake not to have them. That said, I exercize that parental instinct in other ways like teaching or giving advice here. Even being an aunt or uncle is just like being a parent but not having the downside of it. And, believe it or not, I am going to be a GREAT grandfather next month! (I married a woman who was a grandmother when we got married.)

Don't just listen to me but listen to the other women who are fine and happy in their lives without having had kids. There are many such stories on the web.

[Asker]

you need to develop a brain and realize that motherhood is significantly different from a struggling single mother who makes 35,000 a year, working 2 jobs to raise 3 kids, can't put food on the table, can't send her kids to college, works 7 days a week to make ends meet.
COMPARED to

a single mom making 200,000 a year, works 3 days a week, can afford to live in a nice neighborhood, feed her kids the best food, send her kids to summer camp, have great work life balance, can send her child to elite schools where they will excel academically.

Motherhood is not the same experience for everyone. A lot of factors goes into it.

[Asker]

In a world of emptiness, my child is the only thing that makes my life worth living.

[abc3643]

GOOD! You DID take my advice already! You are on your way to being wealthy and capable. Being in the top 10% of income earners goes a long way toward helping cover childcare costs.

In this reality shitshow, only the wealthy like you should be having children because the wealthy don't have to make choices like: retirement vs childcare vs college vs wedding vs mortgage vs healthcare.

See? You are FREE! Because MONEY CREATES FREEDOM!

You've echoed exactly what I was trying to say. You are now free to pursue what you want which is to have a child. And, thankfully, it seems that you will be capable of doing so properly in a way that kids deserve instead of the hell that exists for most kids now.

[abc3643]

THIS:
"In a world of emptiness, my child is the only thing that makes my life worth living."

Consider reading the Larry Niven science fiction novel "Protector". What you wrote is a prominent theme in that novel. It is an important novel and helped give me focus for my parental instincts despite not having children.

[Asker]

I went through a lot of hell, pain, grief, tears, lack of sleep for many years in my youth to be able to have that kinda income. Thats what society never talks about: the sacrifices we need to make in order to have good things in life. I was raised under poverty, firsthand seen the unnecessary obstacles I had to go through just to achieve the same things all other other mediocre kids have handed to them. I just didn't want my child to suffer the same way I did so I made sure I was financially stable before kids came out.

I also purely believe that children born to financially stable parents tend to do better in every stage / age in life compared to kids born to poor parents. Many parents have kids while knowing they can't afford to raise them purely out of selfishness. If you cannot take care of yourself, you cannot take care of your child.

My kid is the only thing gives me energy to go through life. Without children, my life would feel so purposeless and meaningless. My child is my everything and its so sad society looks down on parenting and see children as a rewardless job.

[abc3643]

THIS:
"Many parents have kids while knowing they can't afford to raise them purely out of selfishness. If you cannot take care of yourself, you cannot take care of your child."

This is the other primary reason I didn't have children. The instability I have had my entire adult life since before you were born was something I realized was insane. Sure, partly my fault, but also "In an insane society, the sane man must appear insane" and we definitely live in a loony bin world now. So, if I was going to have kids, they needed to be isolated from that. For instance, I wouldn't have had them take out student loans for college but have it all paid for through my saving up during their entire adulthood. That became mathematically impossible, partly because of my own instability and frightening debt but also because college tuition, beginning around 1982, was rising at a pace much faster than inflation.

[abc3643]

Anyway, good luck! At least someone has their shit together.

[abc3643]

I think you should reconsider having a child. I don't have time to discuss this right now but I will simply say after witnessing decades of human nature, I see patterns in how how people are and what then happens.

Well I don't know this for a fact, I strongly suspect you were something of a controlling person or a perfectionist. People who have gotten to where you are in life at your age often are. There's nothing wrong with that, certainly for yourself since that is who you are. However inflicting that mentality onto someone who is not naturally like that like a child can create rebellion and hostility because the child on the receiving end is feeling depressed and incapable of being themselves because of lack of freedom that they have due to the constraints and demands of their parents. I suspect this is what will happen with you especially since you plan on raising a child alone.

[Asker]

@abc3643

I grew up with stern, controlling parents. I don't feel any hostility or rebellion toward them. Being hostile / disrespectful towards parents uniquely belongs only to American kids, not kids of other cultures. American kids are spoiled, raised with too much affection, thats why they become rebellious / difficult to control/ disrespectful during their teenage years.
Believe it or not, your bad rebellious kids are BUILT by bad parenting. Bad kids are made, they never just "happen".

But I don't think I'm controlling. I do think kids need a balance between a bit of freedom and control. But I think American parents lack control over their kids, thats why vast majority of them are failing academically, unable to compete for prestigious jobs with the foreigners at places like APPLE or IBM or GOOGLE. Believe it or not, a lot of america's talent comes from foreigners who hold the H1B visas. These are the people who can actually do math.

I believe that control IS important to raising educated, well behaved children. You can't let the child do whatever they want 75% of the time and never suffer any consequences.

I believe that the reason why I am able to be so successful in adulthood is because my parents had enough control over me when I was a kid to do well in school and never do drugs or get pregnant. If they didn't, I wouldn't come anywhere close to making 200k a yr.

[Asker]

What people think good paernting is : spoinling your kids with affection and love, giving them whatever they want, let them have all the freedom they want, let them play anytime they want, take them to the zoo and go on picnics on the weekends.

In my opinion, kids need be the TAUGHT. They need to be instilled in the right values: education, kindness and consideration for others, manners, respect, social skills, develop good work ethic. These are the values which will make someone successful in adulthood.

Overloading your kids with a bunch of kisses and giving them whatever they want will only raise a generation of losers.

[Asker]

kids are massively irresponsible nowadays. and this is completely attributed to bad parenting.

[abc3643]

Well, considering you've admitted that you are not American, that means that you haven't lived here to witness what is really going on. You have the knowledge you have based on the virtual experiences that you have seen on whatever media you consume.

I was raised rather laxly; my parents gave me freedom but I had boundaries, of course. The ones that mostly that society broadcasts. And so, I flourished in that freedom and discovered and enjoyed a great many things because of it. Indeed, it is that freedom that gave rise to success that is America.

At the same time, I have seen parents who micromanage their kids lives and the kids ultimately reject it - the same way that the enslaved reject their masters.

There is a balance between freedom and compromise. In America, that has been a bit distorted primarily because the speed of technological advancement makes all parents learn on the fly; this was a reason I chose not have children.

I will not be one to tell you how to raise your child; maybe within your culture NOW you will do fine. Hopefully, it will remain fine as you raise your child. However, the only constant in the universe is change. But, there is one other thing that remains more-or-less constant and that is human nature. Every human, regardless of culture and time, yearns to be free and to be themselves. That doesn't mean that they can't live with limitations, but too many limitations and the person will fight back to get sufficient freedom. Indeed, this is why America exists; the people here 250 years ago were fed up with the limitations and abuse put open them, so they took matters in their own hands and made themselves free from their oppressors.

I do wish you well and hope it works out for you and any progeny you have.

[Asker]

@abc3643

I was born and raised here. But just raised my foreigner parents. I was raised in the US education system so I'm very familiar with how American kids are raised compared to my culture. In my culture, rebellious kids do not exist. Rebellious kids are unique to American culture. American kids don't respect their parents nor do they respect authority figures. If you wanna call this "Freedom" or a good thing, then that alone shows a lot about you.

If your parents raised you well, you wouldn't be too broke to have kids.

Whenever I meet someone who is "too broke" to raise kids, or claim they can't pay bills.

This automatically means their parents failed to prepare you for the real world.

Kids do need a bit of freedom But too freedom will destroy them instead. Only the wise will understand this.

I can tell you right now that American kids are not intelligent or talented. They're all failing in school. Most of america's most talented employees are from foreign countries on H1B visas. This is because in other countries stress the importance of education. When you are educated, your chances of living a good life significantly increases. There will be no such thing as not being able to afford to have children or not being able to afford to buy groceries.

[Asker]

I understand that you might find this offensive. But I don't think you can ever truly realize what your own culture is lacking unless you COMPARE it with other cultures.

Freedom is good. But freedom does not raise talent nor does it pay the bills.

[itsannalee]

I wear diamond ring when i go out alone without my boyfriend to prevent guys to approach me.

[LiamJHayden]

Should be an effective deterent against the jokers.

[Anonymous]

No, it is smart. This way all the creeps of the world will leave you alone.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I think it depends on the finger doesn't it

[Fury_storm]

they can bury you with it when you die alone

[Asker]

i plan on having a child at 35, as a single woman

[Fury_storm]

single moms raise crappy kids

[Asker]

its usually due to lack of money rather than the problem being single moms.

i can send my kid to private schools, piano classes, live in nice neighborhood, I can pay for them to go to medical/ law school.
Barack obama's mom was a single mom.
Kamala harris's mom was a single mom

[Fury_storm]

those are two out of what millions of kids? if you think money solves everything you're gonna fail

[Asker]

studies have proven that kids born to financially stable parents tend to do better in life.

vast majority of single mother households are under poverty line.

Barack obama's mother had a PHD.
Kamala Harris's mother was a scientist.