Do you think you're a funny person? Tell me a joke?

Question

I challenge anyone to tell me your best joke. Something that really makes people laugh whenever you tell it.

KostasKouvalis · Accepted Answer

Black woman goes to the clinic to get an abortion. Two weeks later she gets a check in the mail for $1000. Confused, she calls the bank and asks who the check is from, they tell her "Crime Stoppers"

What do a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist have in common? They both have to smell it, neither of them gets to eat it.

Putin, Biden and Meloni are flying in an airplane. Meloni sticks her arm out the plane and says to Biden, "Look Joe, we're flying over America right now!" "How do you know?" Joe asks. "Because I can feel your skyscrapers."

Later Biden sticks his arm out the plane and says, "Look Vlad, we're flying over Mother Russia." "How do you know," Putin asks? "Because I can feel your onion domes.

Lastly, Putin sticks his arm out the window and tells Meloni, "Hey Giorgia, we're flying over Italy right now, specifically ROME." "How on earth do you know THAT?" Meloni asks him. "Can you feel our Colleseum?" "NO, my watch just got stolen."

TommyMountainFigure · Accepted Answer

Two men walking through the woods. One keels over and appears dead, so he quickly phones the emergency services who tells in a calm manner.. I can help you, but first, just make sure he is dead

There is a silence, then a gun shot.. Ok he's dead.. now what?

Rosexøxø · Answer

Well I think I am but I don’t think punchlines are my forte or area of expertise. I would say I am sometimes. Sometimes the spotlight just falls on me and it’s a good moment. It’s usually accidental as I am mostly serious in my conversations and others laugh (family), but I’ve also did a good job of finding a serious style of humor that got them to laugh, and I was purposely trying to say funny stuff to get them going but more serious- like Ryan Reynolds’ style. Almost a mono tone mimicry. I’ve also met some people outside like friends from highschool and I’d just get them going showing my family aspects and behavior mannerisms with them with my own critiques and it would make them laugh. Definitely more of an expressive and NON expressive comic. Either all monotone or using facials hard core.

tzdc21 · Answer

I don't know if it's my best, but I always get a laugh out of this one.

Q: How do you keep a [insert the name of a bad NFL team here] out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts. Then they'll never be able to get in!

Always gets a laugh whenever I tell it to others. Don't know if you will laugh, but it's worth a try.

Kreneman · Answer

One of my guy friends was concerned Over his 3yr old daughter because when she drinks a bottle of milk, she quirts it in her face and try to drink it instead drinking it properly. When my friend ask his daughter why she does that, her daughter replies by saying from you dad and seeing what your doing to mom in the middle night from my crib.

TheSpectre · Answer

I was gonna propose to my crush to be my promise (pre-fiancee) but my dog ate the ring.  So now my ring is a diamond in the RUFF! 😉

jamesgoldman · Answer

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a child Eric Clapton wouldn't let the cocaine fall off a balcony

purplepoppy · Answer

Baliffs came to my house, I said "come in take a seat." They took the fucking lot. I know a Welsh girl with 38DD's, it's an awfully long name.

Dargil · Answer

Short one. What's the difference between and Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One Less Drunk.

Anonymous · Answer

A man is getting a checkup. Doctor: "You have to stop masturbating." Man: "Why?" Doctor: "Because I'm trying to examine you and you're making it hard."

OtterMan68 · Answer

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One of them turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

exitseven · Answer

Q: What is the difference between an African pygmy tribe and a girl's track team? A; One is a bunch of cunning runts and the other is...

Nik1hil · Answer

Yeah, Definetly. Your honor, I have Plenty of 'Repressed trauma' as Evidence 😂🤣 with me!..

strateguy632 · Answer

jack: which butterfly is my favorite? mack: "a peanut butterfly"

Anonymous · Answer

This isn't a joke. More like a funny observation. When people yawn do deaf people think they're screaming? Also how do they end the rounds in boxing when 2 deaf people fight? Does every fight just have to be to the death?😆

DrPepper12 · Answer

A rapist, a Bible salesman, a criminal and a John walk into a bar and the bartender says "What'll it be Mr Trump?

lmkimcurious · Answer

Not everyone gets it but when they do they laugh. If I had a son born on October 4th, I’d name him Roger.

Zayeem · Answer

Im not. Also,, im lazy and shy. So i even sometimes fail to have a good conversation with others.

legalboxers · Answer

as funny as a pothole on a stretch of a road which has none

MarkPayne · Answer

There was a blonde and a brunette, they jump off the edge of a cliff. Who hits the ground first? And no it's not gender related.

NathanDavis · Answer

yes, I am... but I don't do jokes

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