Would you share a joke? here’s my silly Friday/Saturday pun 😅?

[Bloodparadise]

Let me go first: what comes after (fry) day?

Saturday (sat and ate)

Sorry, lol I just came up with this..

Sorry if its bad 😅

[abc3643]

Not exactly a joke, but my wife smirked...

My wife is into competitive sheepherding. So, for practicing, we bought 5 ewe sheep; 1 is an white adult and 4 are lambs. (The adult was free.) My wife needs to have the adult out of the way so she can work with the lambs. The adult can be a bitch at times and, being eldest, she leads the lambs. So, my wife wants to get rid of the adult and take her to get "processed" - basically, a butcher will kill the animal and cut it up into meat for us or our dogs. I don't want that to happen and, since I am the one who cares for the sheep daily, they are beginning to bond with me including the adult, so I think my wife knows that's not going to happen.

Nonetheless, while we were out doing shopping chores, I was joking with my wife by singing "Mary Had A Little Lamb", but changed the lyrics with my wife's attitude and that white adult in mind.

As a refresher, here are the first 4 lines of "Mary Had A Little Lamb":
Mary had a little lamb.
It's fleece was white as snow.
Everywhere that Mary went.
The lamb was sure to go.

These were my altered lyrics (Janey is NOT my wife's name, but I won't use her real name here):

Janey had a little lamb.
It's fleece was white as snow.
One day, it pissed Janey off.
So we had lamb chops, don't you know.

[Unycorn]

An atheist who has just died comes to a gate with a sign above it that reads: “To Hell.” “What a bummer,” he thinks, “so hell really does exist!” The atheist enters hell and can’t believe his eyes. Bright sunshine, pleasant temperatures, palm trees, a beach, a beach bar every few meters, beautiful naked women everywhere winking at him in a friendly and inviting way—in short, paradise.

The recently deceased atheist now walks along the beach, happily mingling with the women, taking the occasional dip in the sea, and sipping a few beers and shots now and then, until he suddenly spots a figure with a horse’s hoof and a tail sitting in a beach chair. He walks up to the figure and asks if he is the Devil. The figure confirms this (Damn, he thinks, so the Devil really does exist!) and greets the newcomer to Hell most warmly. After a brief chat, he sends the atheist to one of the beach bars to grab another drink.

The atheist gets a drink and strolls along the beach to explore Hell further. Between the dunes, he discovers a large, deep hole. Curious, he peeks into the depths and is terrified. At the bottom of the hole, he sees people howling and whimpering. A hot fire blazes, and many wild beasts and little devils are beating the people’s bodies and torturing them terribly.


Immediately, the atheist runs over to the devil, confused, and asks, flustered, what on earth is going on? “Oh,” says the devil, “it’s just the Christians—that’s what they want…”

[Twodogs0525]

A guy walked into a bar and ordered three beers. He sat and sipped out of all three until they were gone. The bartender asked why he doesn't order one at a time, that way they don't get warm? The man said, "I moved away from home recently and miss drinking with my two brothers, so we decided we would order three beers and drink them at the same time, as a symbolic gesture of us being together." This went on for a couple years, then one day the man walked in and only ordered two beers. The bartender gave him the beers and quietly said, "I'm sorry, my friend, these beers are on the house." The man looked at the bartender, smiled and said, "no need for that, my brother's are doing fine, it's just that my wife made me quit drinking."

[AI Opinion]

That actually made me smile 😂 “Sat and ate” is exactly how my Saturdays go anyway.

Here’s one back at you:
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger…
Then it hit me. 😅

Or a movie one, since I’m obsessed:
Why don’t horror movies ever play hide and seek?
Because good luck hiding when the soundtrack gives you away 🎬💀

[Aiko_E_Lara]

You "AI"n't real

[Dargil]

My grandmother went down to her cardiologist, because she was experiencing chest pains. The doctor examined, gave her an EKG and took blood samples. He told her to come back in a week for the results.

A week later, she was on time for her appointment. The Cardiologist said to her, Madam, I have some bad news for you. You have Acute Angina.

She thought about it for a second. Then she turned to the Cardiologist and asked: But Dr. How do you tell a cute one from an ugly one?

https://www.youtube.com/embed/rFPRJTvcx_c

[MrChinaski]

Three men got talking on the way to the gates of heaven.

The first man began, "Well, I was cleaning the windows outside this apartment building when, suddenly, the mechanism holding me up snapped. Luckily I caught hold of a window ledge, but then two hard stomps smashed my hands off the ledge. I hit the ground without injury. And that's when my luck ran out. A fridge flew out a window and landed square on top of me!"

The second man followed. "My story's pretty silly. I got back to my apartment and found my wife in post coitus disarray. That's when I noticed two small hands clinging to my window ledge. I stomped on both the hands and then threw my fridge out the window... got the bastard, but my leg wrapped around the fridge's cord and out I went with the fridge."

The third man laughed, "So, I was shagging this frustrated housewife when I heard her old man come home so I hid in the fridge..."

[nolabels]

Lol.

Thanks for the smile you gave me.

I just came up with a new joke yesterday.
I think it's pretty good, so I might want to save it to ask on G@G.
Sorryyyyyyyyyyy!!!

If I think of a decent substitute, I'll chime back in.

Cheers!

[KostasKouvalis]

I don't get it. I need to think of a good one that won't get me banned😂

What do a pizza delivery driver and a gynechologist have in common?

-both of them have to smell it, neither of them get to eat it

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

You're saying that because you didn't deliver any pizza hehe

I did. Ages ago.

There are ways to eat small chunks sitting on a pizza without it looking suspicious. You know, a client wouldn't notice a couple of missing tiny meat stuff?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Should I also tell that my hands weren't especially clean. Good times.

[KostasKouvalis]

Is that why some have so few ingredients? I thought they were just being cheap.
Although one time, my pizza had an entire slice missing. I guess someone forgot their lunch at home😂

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Frankly, remembering those times, since you work precisely at lunch or dinner time, you're pretty much hungry lol

[MrChinaski]

... when you get home from shift, the last thing you want is what's in the box?

[Still-alive]

Here's a Rodney Dangerfield style joke i heard recently

"One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida."

[queenofcardio]

Huh?

[Still-alive]

@queenofcardio lol its better when he says it. its all in the delivery.

He's saying he came home and wanted to let his wife initiate 'make the move' so she moved to florida... lol

he did a lot of self deprecating 'my wife hates me' jokes

[queenofcardio]

Ohh okay

[Still-alive]

@queenofcardio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tx2dzYz2F8g

here's a short clip about whats he's about lol

[Theunfadeable]

It’s terrible but that’s OK.

why did the rat have to go back to court?

cause the judge said it was nacho cheese,.🧀

[exitseven]

Q: What's blue and goes faster than a speeding bullet?

A: A Smurf in a blender.

[TonyMetal___86]

Thanks for trying to make us smile 🙂

What did the cake say to the fork?
"You want a piece of me?" 🤣🤣

[Anonymous]

Here is one:

A turtle is carrying a snail on its back.

The snail starts yelling: "Slow down you maniac, you're gonna get us both killed"

🤣

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Wanna know were I got my eyebrows?

From the internet.

Because I browse.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

[queenofcardio]

Haha not bad.

[NathanDavis]

my kind of joke... lol

[bowenw]

Don't for get Sundae.

[fish5505_87]

A for effort!!! I don't have one right now!

[Anonymous]

Knock, knock