Am I being a selfish jerk or is my sister taking advantage of me?

[Anonymous]

My sister works every night, no days off. She expects me to baby sit every day between 7pm - until she gets back from work, which is between 3 AM to 6 AM. The problem is I'm trying to focus on my own priorities. I love my nephews and nieces to death but I've been there for them, taking care of them and babysitting for my sister since I was 12 years old (I'm now 26 going on 27 later this year) and I just don't want to baby sit anymore. I need to focus on finally succeeding my goals but babysitting everyday and getting home late or very early in the AM is slowing me down. I'm trying to focus on joining law enforcement. But if I tell her I can't babysit anymore she'll guilt trip me. I want to help my sister because she and her husband work very hard but I feel like I can't bend over backwards for her anymore. Two of her kids are teens now, and the other two are nearing their teen hoods. Am I wrong for thinking the two teens can watch over the two younger kids? The oldest is 15 and the other is 14. I get that she might be a little worried but she can set up an alarm system right? Am I wrong for feeling like I need to start focusing on my own priorities and that it's way past due? I'm nearing my 30's and still haven't accomplished anything. I get no free time either because if I tell her I'm going out for a movie or a meal, she'll get upset and tell me that I'm supposed to be there babysitting. It makes me very upset when she does this but I suck it up because I don't want to have any conflicts with my sister or anyone in my family (I guess I'm passive aggressive), which is also why I always tell her "yes" when she asks me for a favor. If I'm wrong, correct me but if I'm right, I would like some advice (beside growing a set)

Updates

+1 y

I was able to talk to my sister last night and although she looked very disappointed she understood and to my surprise took it better than expected. Thanks again everyone for all the help and support.

[Paris13]

I see your own Side Here, Dear. However, you have been this Enabler for this to Continue.
Talk to your Sister about a Life of no Strife on your own End, and Compromise. Do not Take "NO, Joe" as an Answer.
Tell her she would Need to your Heed to Fill in the Gap and that you will Watch the Kids once in Awhile when you are Available.
Good Luck and you Need to Stand your Ground. xx

[Asker]

Thank you for the advice. I appreciate it.

[Paris13]

You are most welcome, hun. And thanks for the Like.
Once someone begins something, it is Hard Habit to Kick and you have to Kick it for them. xx

[Paris13]

Thank you for the Vote of Confidence. xx

[Kallies]

She needs to understand you have a life too also I've been staying home alone since I was 10 years old I'm pretty sure a 15 year old will do just fine if you babysat for them when you were 12 then her kids can baby sit the younger ones at 15&14

[Asker]

I know this. When she guilts me it works. I don't like feeling guilty, I know no one does. But you're right. She needs to understand.

[Leandri]

Tell her like it is, you have your own life and she needs to respect that. If she wants to throw a bitch fit then let her. You do you for a change

[anikettripathi512]

You are nearing 30's man.. u r not a baby sitter.. just go and tell her every thing withought being emotional. She can hire a baby sitter. You have many things in your life. She is taking advantage of you. and do it now the very next moment..

[Jimmy10896]

from what u ve said she should ve a 15 year old kid.. he is old enough to take care of himself and his siblings

[anikettripathi512]

true

[Jimmy10896]

then the problem is solved.. tell her that her babies ve grown up and they are actually older than you when u first started taking care of them and that u need to find a decent job so as to be able to continue because u can't stay with her all of the time.. also tell her that u love her and her kids so much u can actually begin with it so as to give a good 1sr impression

[Lori53]

Tell her what you just wrote here

[Asker]

I've been trying to work up the courage. She has a bad temper and will guilt trip me. I know this because she has done this to me too many times

[Lori53]

you should also guilt trip her back then

[MrAssHat]

dude ya she's taking advantage of you..

[NerdInDenial]

Do you live with your sister?

[Asker]

I used to live with her years ago but No I don't live with her. Not anymore.

[NerdInDenial]

You have to put yourself first. Tell her and explain to her the kids can take care of themselves.

[Asker]

I will. However I can already feel a negative response. It's what I expect from her because it's how she typically reacts when someone tells her "no" when she asks for a favor. She'll say "you're f**ked up you don't care" or something along those lines.

[Asker]

I might be wrong though. I really shouldn't judge her for things she's said in the past. She has matured a bit so hopefully she'll understand.