How to tell if someone is putting you down or if you’re being too sensitive?

[Anonymous]

Like generally how can you tell? Most of my friends seem to make these mean comments about my appearance and my personality, but How can you tell if they’re being mean or if you’re being too sensitive and they’re not that bad?

Updates

+1 y

I’m half Asian half white and one of them continuously makes racist Asian jokes in front of other people, even at parties. It’s like she can’t keep her mouth shut about it. She’s not racist to other Asians by the way, just me. Another one also makes fun of my ethnicity in a different way, saying guys only like me if they have a fetish. Wtf.

Updates

+1 y

Various family members have told me I’m over sensitive and that there’s nothing wrong with their comments. But they just make me feel bad.

[The1Girl]

I've had friends like that. They'd say I'm ugly and would pick things out about my appearance. They'd laugh as they'd say it, clearly so that they could cover themselves with 'I was only joking' if they were picked up on it. No matter what anyone says, if it is making you feel upset and bad about yourself then you are not being too sensitive, they need to stop doing it.

It usually stems from the same old thing, insecurity. They feel bad about themselves so by putting you down it makes them feel like they are above you. They're not. They are most likely jealous of some of your traits so want to make you feel bad about them, like saying, 'you're too skinny and you need to eat something'. Not only that, but making negative comments about your ethnicity is just plain racist.

It's incredibly pathetic behaviour. Something that little children do when they are in elementary school. Friends should empower eachother and wipe away your tears when you are feeling low, not be the ones to cause your unhappiness in the first place.

You need to tell them to stop acting like that because it is making you feel worthless, and if they truly cared about you as friends should then they will be apologetic and sorry for the way they've made you feel. If they or anyone else tries to use the same old belittlement tactic and laugh at you for being 'too sensitive', fuck them, tell them exactly how they are in the wrong and find some new friends.

[Asker]

Girl you are definitely NOT ugly, you are pretty and they shouldn’t be saying that anyway that’s so rude. And yes, I feel like only insecure friends do this kinda thing, no confident woman has come for me in this way.

I feel like my “friends” who do this (because it is most of them when we start getting close) try to sneakily find something that they think will make me insecure, and hone in on it to make me feel bad. It’s just plain toxic. Even when I confronted some of them, they said I’m “overthinking it.” Like no. You’re just a bitch sorry. And friendship isn’t a competition, we can both be great in different ways.

[Alyssa_11]

If it makes you feel uncomfortable then you have every right to be upset. You’re not sensitive. Repeat after me: your feelings are VALID. Whoever says otherwise is gaslighting you.

[Asker]

Thank you ❤️

[Alyssa_11]

You’re very welcome ❤️

[Guccigabbana18]

Ahh I’ve had this before. Basically shady friends will pinpoint your insecurities. I would ask them to stop, and if they continue to do it you know they’re being shady on purpose. If they stop afterwards and are apologetic, then maybe their comments were innocent and/or you were being sensitive

[Asker]

Thanks u xx

[Guccigabbana18]

No problem. These don’t sound like true friends. Ask them to stop and if they don’t then ✂️✂️

[Desconhecida]

If anyone makes you feel bad about yourself, it doesn't matter if it's a joke. You should not allow people to disrespect you. Set boundaries.

[TacosRAwesome]

Sometimes it's a mix of both. So you might be a bit more sensitive than others and they are using that information against you.

[Babygirl_S]

If someone is not nice to you constantly then they're putting you down otherwise you're being too sensitive.

[jahaims]

Impossible to know without examples

[Asker]

One of them said my future children would look weird because they’d be mixed race (I’m mixed race though.) and keeps talking about my race in front of others.
Another keeps body shaming me saying I’m short and therefore she’s better than me. And also said guys would only like me if they had a fetish for ethnic girls.
Another says I’m too skinny and need to eat something.

[jahaims]

Those aren't your friends then lol. Those aren't things friends do. Have some self respect and find actual friends.

[Asker]

It’s just because when I’ve told other people what they’ve said they told me I was being too sensitive lol

[jahaims]

Don't listen to morons

[rabbitzzz]

You need to tease their boyfriends.

[Iron_Man]

That’s pretty easy to tell

[JustiReno]

Woof woof 🐕