Have you ever been raised be a super strict family if so how has it effect you as a adult?

[Anonymous]

Have you ever been raised in a family that was super strict if so how did it effect you as a adult?

So I dated a girl who wasn’t allowed outside for any reason unless her parents felt like allowing it. She spent all of her free time doing homework, charity work or in after school spots. I would say she maybe spent 6 times a year outside if she was lucky even through she had a tracking app on her phone called life 360. She would often lose a lot of friends because she wasn’t allowed to hang out with them after school.

We both have just went off to college which she’s super happy about since she will be away from her parents for awhile. Her parents told her once she’s turns 19 in 4 months they will give her a bit more freedom. Do you agree with how they are raising her and Do you have any experience going through this yourself? She comes from a Catholic family. Age on profile is wrong

[Anonymous]

I had similar experiences growing up. I had a single mom who was very much a helicopter parent except back then we didn't have all that advanced technology (thank god). As a child it was extremely traumatic and actually turned me into a super rebellious teen who got into a decent amount of legal trouble. As an adult I have a clearer understanding of why she did that. She dealt with a lot of severe trauma and wanted to protect me as much as possible. However, it was the worst approach possible. It absolutely destroys social life, causes lots of issues in the future in different ways, and basically just isolates the child until they're an adult which means they're going to have such a hard time coming to terms with the real world and expectations that they won't have any idea how to cope. I'm sure she's ecstatic to get away from that and I wish her the very best. The best thing you can do for her as a partner or as a friend is to offer her as much support/advice as possible when she asks or seems like she needs it. She's going to be going through so much mentally that she will very easily become overwhelmed and could possibly go down the hole of sabotaging her life by trying to compensate for everything she missed out on while she was under her parents' supervision. I genuinely feel so badly for her and I hope she's able to find the right people in her life to give her the balance she frantically needs.

[Asker]

She’s no longer in my life so she’s in gods hands now

[Asker]

Random question I had got her a gift a 10 months ago you think it be bad to send it to her with a little note that I didn’t feel right to just throw it out but it’s the last thing that remind me of her etc and that she can do what she wants with it throw it out or keep it.

[Agape93]

Yeap. I don't have contact with almost my entire family, I have multiple locks on every door, even a deadbolt on my bedroom door.

[Asker]

Why so far? What did they do that you dislike them that much?

[Agape93]

First, a question. If you had a kid who told you that your relative was trying to hurt them, what would you do?

[Asker]

Sit them down right away from that relative and ask them to explain what happened. Then depending on what they say I’ll try fixing the issue by doing whatever it takes kicking the person out of the house jail etc

[Agape93]

Then you're a better person than that entire swath of family.

[Asker]

Am sorry to hear that I hope you make a family of you’re own that treats you better

[Agape93]

My friends are my family, and I'd defend every single one, just as they have for me. Thats family

[Asker]

Happy to hear that at least

[PrettyPriya]

Okay, so this is tough for me to answer. I can say yes and no. My family’s religion and our culture is rather strict. However, my family is not all that religious and very open minded. Heck, I married someone not even from my country. That is how much they let me make my own decisions.

Now, that said, they were definitely strict about other things. I grew up in a privileged family. That didn’t mean that I just got what I wanted. Even at a young age, myself and my siblings were expected to have a job, even if it was just babysitting.

If we did that and studied hard, we were rewarded with a top tier eduction that we didn’t have to pay for. So, while my parents were very open minded about a lot of things, they expected us to perform in school and work hard. So strict in some areas and not in others.

I think it had a positive impact since I do not take things for granted and work hard in my career. Those values are good ones to have.

[Asker]

That doesn’t sound to bad we’re you at least allowed to hang out with friends once all school work was done? I don’t really see a issue with anything you said. Expecting your kids to have a job or to work hard in school to me isn’t really strict. When I say strict an talking about in a way that can be unhealthy like I know kids who had to study 8-9 hours a day if they grades won’t perfect. I know kids who got nothing but A in school but won’t allowed to do shit for example go too the mall with friends or see a movie even if all homework was done. You’re parents seem to value education and rewarded you for doing will. Can you give me anything more?

[PrettyPriya]

No, it was not bad at all. I considered it good values that they taught us. My culture tends to be on the stricter side of things in general. As mentioned, my parents were open minded.

I can’t really think of anymore rules other than maybe one. There was no dating until 18. That was same for my older brother and my younger sister.

[Asker]

I would say no dating till 18 can 100% be consider strict but I 100% agree with it for both men and women more so girls

[PrettyPriya]

Yeah, looking back, me too. It is a good policy really. Sucks when you are 15, 16 because you want to, but it did make us focus on the important things, which were studies to get into a good university.

[Avicenna]

it seems like overkill to me

[Asker]

It does to me have you experience anything like that?

[Avicenna]

i have not

[In_Trance]

nope

[Asker]

So why reply

[In_Trance]

because you asked the question?

That's the idea of this app