She has autism and I don't know how much of that affects her life. I noticed though if I send her a lot of text messages that does seem to overwhelm her.
But she asked if we could be friends and I told her sure. A week or so later I asked if she wanted to hangout and she was down for it. I sent her a couple of messages about what we could do and told her if she had any ideas I'm open to them. She didn't suggest anything. Then she stopped replying and so I decided to stop and leave her alone.
She told me she has this bad habit of reading text messages and forgetting to reply back. So maybe she forgot to reply back or maybe she doesn't want to hangout anymore I don't know.
However, I had a past friendship of 16 years where I basically did everything to keep the friendship going where my ex friend just sat there expecting me to do everything. I really don't want to go down that path again with someone else.
It's been 4 days since I texted her and asked if she'd like to hangout and I don't want to chase after her and get her to reply and talk to me. But at the same time she has that autism and I don't know if I should be cutting her some slack.
Should I just swallow my pride and message her or wait for her to remember that we were talking about hanging out and hope she'll reply back eventually. Who knows if it'll take weeks from now or however long it'll take for her to message me back.
But another part of me thinks why I want to be friends with someone who leaves me hanging and doesn't get back to me for days on end. It kind of sucks. I want someone who's engaged.
I'm all over the place as you can see. What should I do?
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I don’t know why this reads like you’re looking for someone to date, and I don’t say that to offend you, it’s just that maybe your expectations aren’t completely fair for just a friend. How engaged do you need her to be in order to feel the relationship is reciprocal? We all have our own lives, and sometimes getting back to a friend or setting a date to hang out isn’t right at the top of our priority list.
At least that’s how I view my platonic relationships, and I keep friends who think the same way and don’t take it personally if a dinner date falls through, or we can’t coordinate in time to see a specific movie this month. It’s just adult life.
On another note, this dude I used to date was autistic, and we had the same issue when it came to texting. I used to take it personally when he didn’t respond in a timely fashion or at all, since he’s someone I was hoping to build a relationship with and it wasn’t making progress. But I can’t blame the texting on him when he already told me he’s bad with it, and instead switched to phone calls at the times I knew he’d be free. So maybe that’s something to consider with her as well.
I have a lot of time on my hands from 3pm and up, I'm not working atm. I take care of my mom from 7 to 3pm. My mom is not in good health and I'm her caregiver. But I also have my brother helping as well so I try to make time for myself once he takes over after 3. I don't have any friends and I've noticed I have been developing a depression by not getting out and just taking care of my mom constantly. So I do feel this urgency of wanting to hangout with someone. I don't mean to be too much. I know she's not working at all, all she does is sit around all day and play video games. What she does with her time isn't my business, but I just want someone to consider me, my feelings which is something I didn't get with my past friendship. I don't know if that's asking for too much.
I don’t know where you’re from, but around here we have the “neighborhood app”, and it’s a way for all of us locals to look out for one another and connect. I see people looking for friends on there all the time, whether they’re new in town or just wanting to meet some fresh faces. You could try it out too if it’s available for you.
But aside from that, have you considered going out on your own? I know it’s a very scary step, I myself have a hard time with it and always worried what others will think or I feel like all eyes are on me. But honestly it is so empowering, builds your confidence, and is good for you in general. If that friend of yours sits around all day then I’m not sure why she doesn’t reply, but autism is different for everyone and since we don’t have it we just can’t relate or understand why simple things like texting is a trial. As you said though, you don’t wanna feel like you’re chasing and that’s understandable. You also don’t want to wait for a friend in order for your life to start as well. Company is fun, but you don’t need it to go see a movie or take a walk around the mall. As long as your able-bodied, take advantage of what some people cannot and go enjoy the day. You’ll be much better for it.
I'll try the app. Is it like meetup? I've had bad experiences with meetup. It always seemed like a lot of negative, mean, and hostile people would show up for get togethers, at least the ones I unfortunately met. Do people also use the app for dating? I wouldn't be comfortable with that, I'm only looking for friends.
I have gone out by myself a couple of times to restaurants, stores, and the park. I haven't done it in a while though. This girl I am talking to, I will give her the benefit of doubt, she did tell me she stays up all night playing games and she sleeps in the better part of the day. I know she has a boyfriend too so she also is busy with that as well.
I’m not familiar with meetup so I couldn’t say, but there’s no regards to dating on there at least from what I’ve seen lol. In my area we get a lot of coyotes and other wildlife, so often times it’s people alerting others of sightings, especially since a lot of us have cats and dogs. I’ve seen people offer services, sell things, and a big spike in people seeking friendships as of 2020, prior to that I didn’t see much of this at all, now it’s very common. I’m not sure what your area would offer but it’s worth a shot :). As for your friend, I think it’s very kind to give her some grace, but you also have to act within your comfort levels. So if she isn’t reaching out or responding at all then I wouldn’t blame you for stopping your efforts.
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