What's wrong with him?

[Anonymous]

My brother (19) says he's depressed, he cuts himself sometimes (superficial cuts)

My parents and I are supportive, they paid for his therapy sessions, we are a close family, everything at home is calm, we are not lacking anything.

But I'm mad at him, I'm not saying he doesn't feel bad sometimes, but he's being useless at home and only seems depressed when he has to do chores. He's always ready and looking nice when going out with friends, he goes to the gym often, he eats super well, he cracks his ass off laughing when gaming online, he goes to college (and his doing fine in college).

I'm sick of this, I clean the whole house by myself which isn't an easy job to do alone, I even clean the stupid bathroom I never use, I clean all this alone because he "is too sad, too depressed" but then at night he gets ready, with his hair done, his cool guy outfit, cologne and leaves the house with his friends. What's wrong with him? Is there something really going on? I went through depression a few years ago and this doesn't look anything like how I was, I barely ate, people basically had to force me out of the house to hang out, I had a real hard time, but this he's doing just doesn't makes sense to me.

Updates

2 mo

Edit: I kinda want to slap him on the face, would that be a bad idea?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I think the outcome of your situation depends on how badly you want to risk making your brother the victim in confronting him or how much you just want your own peace. If it’s the former, unleash all of your anger and feelings onto him, explain in detail that you think he’s lying and that he has everything he needs to be living a healthy life and is just refusing yo acknowledge it so he can give you the menial responsibilities. If it’s the latter, say nothing. This can feel like an injustice to never be corrected but the reality is that it will, in time, be corrected. A truly good person doesn’t have to work hard towards having friends and a job and a healthy life, people who are naturally cruel, manipulative, or just generally too selfish to think about anyone but themselves lead unstable lives. They never have friends that stay for longer than a decade at most, they move between jobs that don’t value them, and they can never find a romantic partner to be happy. Let your peace be known that your brother, if he truly is disingenuous in his desire to get better from his depression, will not live a happy life until he learns to be a better person.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure how old you are but if I were you I’d either stop cleaning up after him or move out. The fact he’s still there and being coddled is testament to how lenient your parents are with him, which is fine for them but it’s not your problem. He needs to do his part and I would show that by not cleaning the bathroom or whatever it is that he’s supposed to do as chores. When your parents confront you, be very calm, collected, and tell them you’re done enabling him and taking care of a grown man. They don’t have to like it but it’s not like they’d kick you out or anything crazy. This isn't about being mean or making anyone feel bad, it’s about someone in your family having the guts to put their foot down and saying enough is enough.

[Asker]

I've tried, I didn't clean a single thing this week (just my bedroom, my bathroom and dishes I used) and I expected someone to tell him to clean, but nothing. I cleaned everything now Sunday because I can't handle living in a dirty place. Do you think slapping him of the face and confronting him would help or would that be too violent?

[Opinion Owner]

So just don’t do it, clean up after yourself only. They will notice the difference. Slapping him in the face is a desire, not a solution. You’re frustrated, and I think removing yourself from the situation is the best thing you can do if your parents won’t stop coddling and enabling him.

[Opinion Owner]

Also to clarify, I DO understand not wanting to live in a dirty place, but push has come to shove and you need a solution. That’s why I say to just keep cleaning up after yourself only. Start socking away funds so you can either get a roommate or move out, so you’re not having to deal with their choices anymore.

[Asker]

Thank you, you're right.

[BarryLiverstone]

He’s getting away with it.. what’s wrong with your parents?

[Asker]

Honestly, they're the kind of people that prefer to talk to solve things. They've talked to him about this chores thing, but he doesn't change, and honestly they're not anymore at an age to be like policemen behind a 19 y/o, they want peace and I try to solve this myself because they deserve that peace.

[BarryLiverstone]

Time to move out. That solves it

[Asker]

I can't do that rn, the situation in my country doesn't make that easy. Plus I'm a music student, here I have my piano and everything I need daily, he's the only problem, he lacks a strong hand on the face.

[BarryLiverstone]

Stop cleaning his bathroom. Tell your parents you will only clean your mess

[Cutegirl06]

Sounds like he is depressed when it's "convenient " for him.

[Anonymous]

some people hide their depression pretty well.

as for you cleaning the house yourself, this is more your parents fault.

[Danny_dan92]

Mental illness